“Did you ever think you’d be destined for a quiet life?” I asked.
“Did you ever think you’d have anything but?” he asked me with a grin.
“Good point,” I told him, and we shared a silence that was unstrained for the first time in months as we walked back toward home.
Cal and Bethina were sitting around the aethervox when I entered the kitchen. I cleaned the mud off my shoes and hung up my jumper, and they still hadn’t moved.
“What’s all this about?” I said.
Bethina shushed me with a wave, so I joined them at the table and bent my head close. The reception was terrible, every third word a burst of static.
“Repeat: Congress has called for an emergency shutdown of the Bureau of Proctors after evidence revealed that its former director, Grey Draven, was caught … using Bureau funds … prison for his political enemies … many prisoners found not to be viral … suspected of consorting with terrorist organization known as the Brotherhood of Iron. President McCarthy has denounced Draven as a traitor, though there are some members of the House also calling for the president’s impeachment, as the full scope of his knowledge of this conspiracy is not yet known.”
I felt my mouth open, and looked up to see that Cal and Bethina shared my look. Bethina shook her head. Her curls, which had gotten longer and more unruly, bounced like a copper waterfall.
“Always knew that man was crooked as a coat hanger,” she said. “My mother said politicians are all crooked at both ends and bent in the middle.”
“They’re actually talking about disbanding the Proctors,” Cal said. “Can you imagine?”
“Might give poor folks some peace for once,” Bethina said. “Always thought virals were the worst thing imaginable, but after everything I’ve seen with the two of you, I feel downright sorry for some. Locked up and tortured. You wouldn’t even do that to a dog.”
She got up and bustled out of the kitchen, throwing Cal a wide, gleaming smile over her shoulder as she left.
He returned it and then looked at me. I raised one eyebrow. Cal had been putting this off for far too long; it was time someone got firm with him.
“You and I are best friends, right?” I said. Cal nodded, brow already wrinkling anxiously. To look at him, you’d never know he wasn’t human. I had that thought at least a hundred times since I’d found out what he really was.
“We are,” he agreed. “And I know what you’re going to say, but I can’t—”
“Cal,” I said, “she’s a smart girl. If she loves you, she’ll understand.”
I started to get up and leave, but his next words stopped me. “I’m scared, Aoife.”
I looked back at him. “You think I’m not, Cal? Every day? I’m scared all the time. The trick is not to show it.”
I sat back down and looked him in the eye. Cal was the one person who’d never questioned me, never left my side, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt him. “You’re my best friend,” I said. “You’re the only person I was able to trust for a long time, and I know that you’ll always be there for me.” I sucked in a breath and chewed on my lip for a moment before continuing. “But you have to be yourself, Cal. I know you want to be human, but Bethina deserves the truth. And if she leaves, she wasn’t right for you anyway.”
Cal looked at the scarred tabletop. Decades of Graysons eating and cooking had made it satin-smooth, full of deep grooves and notches. “I don’t want to be alone, Aoife. Even in my nest, I was always the odd one. I can look like this, and the rest of them can only be ghouls. They don’t trust me.” He sucked in a shuddering breath. “I just don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“You’ll never be alone!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t believe Cal would think I’d just drop him suddenly, when I hadn’t even after he’d showed me what he truly was. Then again, he hadn’t shied away from me either, when he’d found out that not only human blood was in my veins. “You’ll always have me,” I said. “We’re supposed to be friends, Cal. Because of who we are, and what we are, and because I know I can trust you.” I pointed to the door Bethina had gone through. “And trust me when I say that you need to go tell her the truth. Will you do that for me?”
Cal sighed, but then he nodded and pushed back from the table. Moving with the greatest of reluctance, he stepped through the door. “Bethina, wait up. I need to talk to you.”
He looked back at me before he walked on, and I gave him a reassuring smile. Cal was lucky. He had someone who loved him, and I hoped it would be unconditional. Not too long before, I would have been jealous of what he had, but now … I got up myself and went upstairs to find Dean.
The small door to the roof-deck was open, cool air drifting through. I climbed the ladder and found Dean leaning on the railing, smoking and looking out over the valley and the village of Arkham. A few people moved on the narrow streets, the first residents to return after the Proctors had abandoned the quarantine.
“You want some company?” I asked. Dean turned and gave me one of the slow, lazy smiles that started a warm feeling in my stomach and spread it everywhere, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
“From you, princess?” he said. “Always.”
I went to him and wrapped my arms around him inside his coat, placing my head on his chest and listening to his heart beat. “I’m so glad you’re here, Dean. Just stay here, all right?”
His breath hitched and I looked up. Dean’s expression was pained. I let go of him, already fearing the worst. “What is it?”
“Aoife,” he said, and I knew it was bad. Usually I was “princess” or “darlin’.”
“Please,” I said. “If I did something, just tell me and I’ll try to make it better. Please don’t just dump me.”
“No.” Dean held up his hands. “It’s not you, Aoife. I could never be ticked about anything you did. You saved me from that place where I was dead. And even before that, you got me out of the Rustworks. I was going nowhere fast, and you gave me something I needed and didn’t even realize it.”
“But?” I said, feeling the word on the tip of his tongue.
“You made a sacrifice for your ma, and I understand that,” he said. “My mother and I don’t see eye to eye, but she’s still my mother. But you made an even bigger sacrifice for me, Aoife, and I can’t have that. I won’t have you putting yourself in danger for me like that ever again. I’m not worth it.”
He put his hand against my cheek. “You’re destined for greatness, princess, and I’m just going to get in the way. So I’m going to get out of it and head home. I’ll head back to the Mists, maybe finally do what my mom always wanted and serve the Erlkin on Windhaven for a while.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against my forehead, even as I felt myself beginning to shake. “I’ll never forget you, princess. But for your own good, I can’t stay with you.”
I pushed his hand away, my heart throbbing so hard it was like the great pistons that powered the Engine. “Dean Harrison,” I bit out, “you’re an idiot.”
He blinked and looked down at me. “I don’t—”
“I love you,” I said, feeling myself start to cry. I kept talking, not caring that hot tears were pouring forth to cool against my cheeks in the cold spring wind. “I crossed life and death to be with you, Dean.” I swiped furiously at my eyes, trying to clear away the blur of tears. “Guess what? It’s not up to you to decide whether or not I want to be with you. It’s my choice, and I choose you. Only you, Dean. Forever.”
Dean pulled back, and pushed a hand through his hair. “I had no idea you felt that way, darlin’,” he said.
“Do you love me?” I demanded. The initial shock had worn off now, and I was focused only on keeping him by my side. I needed Dean. I’d learned that much. Without him there was a void that nothing could fill, a void as deep and black as the universe.