“I’m sorry I took so long.” He turned his face to look at me and I moved my head from his shoulder, our eyes connected. My heart was pounding against my ribcage. I glanced down at his lips and as I did his mouth parted a little. I met his eyes again. It was like time stood still. Before I even registered what the hell I was doing, I leant into him, closing my eyes and our lips met. So soft.
His free hand caressed my cheek as I pulled away a little. I didn’t want to lose the magical connection.
“What am I going to do?” I asked. Worry filled me from head to toe like a cold bucket of ice had been dumped on me. “Oh, goodness, what did I just do? Why did you let it happen?” Panic began to rise. My breathing became heavy and rapid. I jumped out of Blake’s arms.
He looked surprised by my sudden outburst. “I’m sorry. Please, it won’t happen again,” he pleaded with me.
I was already up and grabbing my things. I took a look at my phone and saw that I had six missed calls and ten messages from Jacob. The messages weren’t pleasant ones. He was angry.
Oh, my…what have I done?
I had cheated on my boyfriend who abused me, and now I had to explain why I hadn’t answered or replied to him.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I didn’t give him a chance to stop me as I ran, tears falling down my cheeks. I made it to my car before I broke down. I quickly started the engine and drove home, not knowing what I was going to tell Jacob or if I’d even tell him anything at all.
Chapter Nine
Abby
Three Years Ago
It had been a week since my picnic with Blake, and I’d gone back to my dark robotic self. Jacob wasn’t too pleased when I rang him after I’d gotten home that night. I told Melodi to cover for me, to say I was with her and that I’d forgotten my phone. She wanted to know why. When I wouldn’t give her the answer she wanted, she made me promise that I would open up to her, and soon. Otherwise, she was going to Mum and Dad. So I promised her I would when I could.
My phone call with Jacob that night when I got home was one I wished not to repeat. When I rang, he answered after the first ring.
“You better have a good reason for not answering me,” he spat out. Not even a hello.
“Hello, to you too, babe.” I decided to go for the subtle approach instead of the defensive one, or I’d pay for it when he got back home.
“Don’t play coy with me, girl.” There was so much anger in his voice it frightened me.
I released a sigh and gave him my made up story. “I went out with Melodi and I forgot my phone. We went out for a girls’ night and had pizza.”
“For some strange reason, I don’t believe you,” he sneered through the phone.
“You can ask her if you want.” I threw back at him.
“Yeah, I’m sure she’d stick up for you. Are you cheating on me?”
I’m shocked by his words because they were actually true. I know it was only a small kiss, but the emotions that were involved made me want more.
“What? No! How could you think that? How dare you!” I screamed at him through the phone. I knew I’d done wrong, but he could never know.
“Okay, I believe you. Don’t you ever cheat on me Abby or there will be severe consequences.” I heard the promise in his tone. It sent chills through me. Fear gripped my heart with terror.
“I could never do that to you,” I whispered in defeat. I always surrendered to him. I was weak. I wrapped my free arm around my stomach trying to give myself some comfort.
After that phone call, I broke down and cried all night. I had to cry silently into my pillow as I was at home, and being so near my family, especially Melodi who already had an idea of what was going on, I couldn’t let her see me broken. I hated myself so much for what I’d done. I cried until my stomach hurt and my eyes stung. Now I sat there on the same bench I’d met Blake on. I’d ignored all his messages. I’d even put his name in my phone as a girl so that Jacob wouldn’t get suspicious if he found it, and I always deleted his messages no matter what.
I leant back on the bench, soaking up the sun while I wished my life was different. Why couldn’t I be a much stronger person like Melodi? The refreshing breeze tickled my face. Such a beautiful day to go out for lunch. I felt the bench shift slightly and my eyes shot open as I looked beside me. My heart dropped into my lap.
“Hello, darling,” Jacob smiled at me. It made my skin crawl, the way he looked at me. His eyes were cold and loveless.
I mustered up my courage and gave him the reception he wanted. I leant over and greeted him with a kiss. “Hey, aren’t you working today?” He never left the office. It was like he was checking up on me.
“I took my lunch break today to come see you. The girls said you’d gone out for lunch. You should be telling me when you go out, Abby,” his voice stern like he was talking to a little child telling them they shouldn’t do something. Anger built in my chest.
“I can go if I want. I don’t need to tell you every time I go out. It’s just—”
He cut me off, grabbed my arm and squeezed it hard. Even though he didn’t have long nails, his fingers pressed in so deeply I could feel them pierce my skin. I yelped in pain and shock.
“Do not speak to me like that again. You will respect me,” he forcefully whispered. My body was tense with fear and everything within me tightened like a spring coil. I tried pulling my arm away from him, but his grip tightened. “You’ll be punished for that.” There’s that promise again.
What did I do to deserve this?
I stayed silent. My tears threatened, but even if they fell he wouldn’t feel any remorse. It just pushed him further.
“Do you understand me?” he reiterated.
I couldn’t speak, fear had stolen my voice, so I simply nodded. He released me, thankfully. I caressed my sore arm and noticed he’d drawn blood. “I want you at my place tonight by the time I finish work.” He didn’t give me an opportunity to answer before he walked away like he was the king of the world.
Once he was out of sight and I could see his car speed off down the street, the tears came thick and fast. I cried so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. I heaved, taking in any air I could; it was as if I was sucking air through a semi-blocked straw. Then I felt strong arms lift me up and wrapped me up in a warmth of comfort.
“Shh…it’s okay. Breathe, Abby. Deep breaths.”
Blake… I clung to him as though he was my life support. I instantly touched him and he gave me the strength I needed.
“Oh, Blake,” I sobbed into his chest gripping his shirt. The pain in my chest began to ease a little as Blake soothed me with his calming words, and the way he ran his fingers over my back. He knew what I needed. “I’m so sorry for losing it,” I said after I took in a few deep breaths.
“Abby, it’s okay. I was coming to see if you were here today. I needed to see that you were okay, and when I saw him hurting you…” he paused to compose himself, “I had to fight every instinct in my body not to run over here and just beat the life out of him. The way he handled you, spoke to you…you don’t deserve that.” I felt every emotion he felt when he spoke those words. The hate and dislike for Jacob was palpable.
“I don’t know any other way, Blake. He’ll do worse things if I defy him more than I already have.” I sobbed into his shirt. I felt like I was stuck in a rut and no matter how much I kept trying to get myself out, I somehow ended up deeper in. I wanted to scream, feeling the need to run away from the life I’d created for myself.
Disappear.
“Just leave, Abby. He doesn’t deserve you.”