“I’m sorry I let you down before, and now Melodi is in danger. I don’t know what I’ll do if anything happens to you, Katie, Melodi, or her babies.”
So much weight is in those words. It shatters my heart to think he’s carrying that guilt around and that he thinks he’s let me down. He tried so hard, he put his job on the line, and he was ready to give everything up for me.
Our very first meeting comes to my mind bringing a smile to my face…
Jacob and I had been together for six months. I had bruises up my arms, and I ached all over. Last night was the worst he’d been in the last few months. I should have listened to those damn alarm bells that had rung three months ago. Where did things go so wrong?
Sitting on the bench at my favourite park across the road from the dress shop I worked in, I was draped in clothing from head to toe, feeling saddened by the fact that I could hardly wear the type of clothes I wanted to lately. I had to always choose wisely the kinds of clothes I wore when out and about, mainly because of the dark purple and yellow marks that stained my skin. Even the bright round hickeys that he forced on my neck were on show for all to see if I didn’t cover them up. In the middle of summer, I still found myself having to wear a scarf to hide them, along with long sleeved shirts that caused me to overheat. I didn’t know or understand, why he felt the need to do this to me. Every time I’d say I’m leaving, he stopped and showed me his kind side. The one I fell for in the first place. Then, of course, I believed him. However, he would revert back to his old ways and I’d always ended up back at square one.
Abused. Hurt. Unloved.
I looked out across the park watching the old couples walking their dogs, holding hands, and I began to seriously wonder if I’d ever get that with Jacob. Was he my happily ever after? He always told me that no one would ever love me or care for me like he did. I felt the warmth of my tears as they slid down my face, pooling at my chin.
“Excuse me, Miss?” A warm, inviting voice that sent a shiver down my spine pulled me from my deepest darkest thoughts. Quickly wiping those tears away, I looked up into the most vibrant green eyes. Eyes you could easily get lost in. I took in the rest of this man’s features. He had black hair and a fit looking body I could easily wrap myself around. Then I took in his appearance, he was a police officer.
“Can I help you?” I queried quickly wrapping my coat around me to hide the marks up my arms, but I thought perhaps it was too late for that. I could already see the concern etched in his eyes.
“Are you all right?” he asked as he took a seat on the bench beside me. I moved away slightly, feeling rather exposed all of a sudden.
“Yes, thank you. It’s just one of those days,” I nervously giggled.
He didn’t look convinced.
“You know you don’t need to deal with that abuse.” He nodded toward me, gesturing at my arms.
I crossed them over my chest wishing I could crawl away and hide. “It’s not any of your business,” I snapped at him.
“Whoa, easy. I’m only giving you some advice. I’ve seen you here before and noticed how things have slowly begun to change.”
He noticed me?
I didn’t speak. I don’t know why this man, whom I didn’t even know, was paying attention to me.
He continued, “I know I sound like a crazy stalker, but I do my rounds in here at least once a day when I’m working day shift. I saw you about two or three months ago and you were happy. You had lunch with your friend’s right here on this bench.” He looked out onto the park as if he was thinking about what to say next. “Then it all stopped, and you began to come here on your own. Not long after, I noticed the marks appearing on your arms had started to increase—”
“Why are you paying attention to me? I’m nobody. No one will love me like he does,” I cut him off. I even heard the lie, the quivering in my own voice. Could someone else love me differently?
He paled, raising a hand to cover his gasp. His eyes went wide scowling.
“Is that what he tells you?” he asked gently. He was trying to mask the anger that had crept into his features, but I could hear the strain in his words as he shook his head.
I averted my eyes from his piercing gaze. There was an awkward silence between us for a few moments before he slid closer and whispered, “Please give another guy a chance to show you what love is meant to be like.”
My heart raced at his statement. I met his eyes again, so gentle and inviting. I smiled since I was unsure what to say.
“I…I can’t. I’m sorry, it’s wrong,” I stammered out.
“Please, let me show you. We can just be friends spending time together, get to know each other.”
“I’m not allowed male friends, he becomes jealous, and that’s when this stuff happens,” I gesture to my arms. “I can’t even open up to my sister, my twin sister, someone who I know I’m hurting by shutting her out, but I don’t know what else to do.” My voice caught and tears sprung to my eyes. Why was I telling this stranger my life story?
His hand reached out, wrapping around mine, spreading a fuzzy feeling of warmth throughout me. I used to get this feeling with Jacob at the beginning of our relationship, but now I cower in fear of him or put on a fake smile that keeps him happy. He even forced himself on me when it was our first time, not something I wanted to live through again. It hurt majorly like he was ripping a part of me away, a part that no other man can take now.
The stranger watched me carefully. I didn’t even know his name. Yet, I felt the most comfortable I’d been in a long time in the company of a man that was not my own boyfriend. I knew I needed to break ties with Jacob, but how could I do that?
“Let me take you out this weekend? As friends?” he asked. Before I realised what I was doing, I nodded my head. I already knew that Jacob was going away for work, so perhaps this was what I needed.
“What’s your name?” I figured I’d better find that out first.
“I’m Blake…Blake Johnson, and you are?”
“Abby White. Pleased to meet you, Blake.” As crazy is it seemed considering I’d only just met this man, he’d shown me so much more kindness in the last few moments than what Jacob had shown me in the last six months.
We sat there for another half an hour looking out over the park and talking about our lives. I told him about Melodi and I found myself relaxing a bit, even laughing with Blake. He sent feelings through me, magical feelings. He didn’t bring up my bruises again, but anytime I mentioned Jacob his face became hard and he quickly changed the subject. I found it funny that he could dislike someone so much and not even know them. Just the mention of Jacob’s name made him look uneasy.
That afternoon was the start of something I never saw coming, and that is still present to this day, three years later. Something I held onto so tightly was the hope that I would see him again and he would be able to meet his daughter. Our daughter.