So Gorlois is to die. Well, it takes not much prophecy to foresee that a man of five-and-forty, who has been fighting Saxons much of his life, will not live to see his little children grown. I shall not let it make me believe all the rest of the nonsense she spoke to me, or I shall be expecting Gorlois to take me to Londinium! But the next day, as they lingered over breaking their fast and she was mending a great rent in his best tunic, he spoke bluntly.
"Did you not wonder what brought me here so suddenly, Igraine?"
After the night past, she had the confidence to smile into his eyes.
"Should I question fortune, which has brought my husband home after a year's absence? I hope it means that the Saxon Shores are free and in British hands again."
He nodded absently, and smiled. Then the smile was gone. "Ambrosius Aurelianus is dying. The old eagle will soon be gone, and there is no hatchling to fly in his place. It is like the legions going again; he has been High King for all my days, and a good king for those of us who still hoped, as I did, for the return of Rome one day. Now I know that day will never come. The kings of Britain from near and far have been summoned to gather in Londinium to choose their High King and war leader, and I too must go. It was a long journey to stay so little time, for I must be off again within three days. But I would not come so near without seeing you and the child. It will be a great gathering, Igraine, and many of the dukes and kings will bring their ladies; would you like to come with me?"
"To Londinium?"
"Yes, if you will travel so far," he said, "and if you can bring yourself to leave that child. I do not know why you should not. Morgaine is healthy and sound and there are enough women here to look after a dozen like her; and if I have managed to get you with child again"-he met her eyes in a smile she could hardly have imagined on his face-"it will not yet hinder you in riding." There was a tenderness she had never guessed in his voice as he added, "I would rather not be parted from you again for a little while, at least; will you come, my wife?"
Somehow you must contrive to come to Londinium with him. Viviane had said it. And now Gorlois had made it unnecessary even to ask. Igraine had a sudden feeling of panic-as if she were on a runaway horse. She picked up a cup of beer and sipped at it, to cover her confusion. "Certainly I will come if you wish it." Two days later they were on the road, riding eastward to Londinium and the encampment of Uther Pendragon and the dying Ambrosius, for the choosing of a High King ... .
In midafternoon they came to the Roman road, and could ride more swiftly; and late that day they could see the outskirts of Londinium, and smell the tidal river that washed its shores. Igraine had never guessed so many houses could be gathered together in one place; for a moment she felt, after the chill spaces of the southern moors, that she could not breathe, that the houses were closing in on her. She rode as if in a trance, feeling that the stone streets and walls cut her off from air and light and life itself.. .. How could people live behind walls this way?
"We will sleep this night at the home of one of my soldiers, who has a house in the city," Gorlois said, "and tomorrow we will present ourselves at the court of Ambrosius."
She asked him that night, seated before the fire (what luxury, she thought, a fire this near to Midsummer!), "Who, think you, will be the next High King?"
"What can it matter to a woman who rules the land?"
She smiled sidelong at him; she had taken down her hair for the night and she could feel him warming to the smile. "Even though I am a woman, Gorlois, I must live in this land, and I would like to know what manner of man my husband must follow in peace and war."
"Peace! There will be no peace in my lifetime at least," Gorlois said. "Not with all those wild folk coming to our rich shores; we must gather all our strength to defend ourselves. And there are many who would like to wear the mantle of Ambrosius and lead us in war. Lot of Orkney, for instance. A harsh man, but reliable, a strong leader, good at battle strategy. Still unmarried, though; no dynasty. He's young for a High King, but ambitious, never knew a man of that age so ambitious. And Uriens of North Wales. No problems with dynasty, he already has sons. But the man has no imagination; wants to do everything as it's always been done, says that it worked once and it will work again. And I suspect he's no good Christian."
"Which would be your choice?" Igraine asked.
He sighed. "Neither," he said. "I have followed Ambrosius all my life, and I will follow the man Ambrosius has chosen; it's a matter of honor, and Uther is Ambrosius' man. It's as simple as that. Not that I like Uther. He's a lecherous man with a dozen bastards, no woman's safe around him. He goes to mass because the army does, and because it's the thing to do. I'd rather he was an honest pagan than a Christian for the benefits he can get from it."
"Yet you support him-"
"Oh, yes. He's soldier enough for a Caesar; the men will follow him through hell, if they have to. He spares no effort to be popular with the army-you know the kind of thing, going around the camp and munching on their rations to make sure they're fit to eat, spending a day when he could be taking his ease in going to the quartermaster's to get a discharge for an old toothless veteran, sleeping in the field with the men before a battle. The men would die for him-and they do. And he has both brains and imagination. He managed to make peace with the treaty troops and get them to fight alongside us last fall-he thinks a little too much like a Saxon for me, he knows how their minds work. Yes, I'll support him. But that doesn't mean I like the man."
Igraine, listening, thought that Gorlois had revealed more of himself than of the other candidates for High King. She said at last, "Have you never thought-you are Duke of Cornwall, and Ambrosius values you; could you be chosen as High King?"
"Believe me, Igraine, I want no crown. Have you a wish to be queen?"
"I would not refuse it," she said, recalling the Merlin's prophecy. "You say that because you are too young to know what it means," Gorlois said with a smile. "Would you truly like to rule a kingdom as you must rule over your servants at Tintagel, at everyone's beck and call? There was a time when I was younger-but I do not want to spend the rest of my lifetime at war. Ambrosius gave me Tintagel years ago, Igraine; until four years ago I had not spent enough time there to bring home a wife! I will defend these shores as long as I can hold a sword, but I want a son to play with my daughter, and some time to spend in peace, fishing from the rocks, and hunting, and sitting in the sun watching the peasant folk bring in their crops, and time perhaps to make my peace with God, so that he may forgive me for all the things I have had to do in a life as a soldier. But even when there is peace in the land, the High King has no peace, for when the enemies leave our shore, why, then, his friends begin to fight, if only for his favor. No, there will be no crown for me, and when you are my age, you will be glad of it."
Igraine felt a pricking behind her eyes as Gorlois spoke. So this harsh soldier, the somber man she had feared, now felt enough at ease with her to reveal something of his wishes. With all her heart she wished that he might have his last few years in the sun as he wished, his children playing about him; but even here, in the flickering of the fire, she thought she could see the ominous shadow of the doom that followed him.
It is my imagination, I have let the words of the Merlin make me imagine foolish things, she told herself, and when Gorlois yawned and stretched, saying that he was weary from riding, she went quickly to help him take off his clothes.
She hardly slept in the strange bed, turning and tossing as she listened to Gorlois's quiet breathing; now and again he reached out for her in his sleep, and she soothed him against her breast as she would have done with her child. Perhaps, she thought, the Merlin and the Lady were frightened by their own shadows, perhaps Gorlois will indeed have time to grow old in the sun. Perhaps before he slept he had indeed planted in her womb the seed of the son they said he would never father. But toward morning she fell into fitful sleep, dreaming of a world in the mist, of the shoreline of the Holy Isle receding further and further in the mists; it seemed to Igraine that she was rowing on a barge, heavy and exhausted, seeking for the Isle of Avalon where the Goddess, wearing Viviane's face, was waiting to ask her how well she had done what was required of her. But although the shoreline was familiar, and the groves of apple trees which had grown on the shore when she came up to the temple, a crucifix stood in the temple of her dream and a choir of the black-robed nuns of the Christians was singing one of their doleful hymns, and when she began to run, looking everywhere for her sister, the sound of church bells drowned out her cries. She woke with a stifled whimper, a sleeper's scream, and sat up to hear the sound of church bells everywhere.