This takes some artistic sense.
10. Iron his shirt and trousers (377 cases).
His appearance is her appearance in Japan. A fastidious wife is greatly appreciated by the society.
11. Bring newspapers in from the mailbox (321 cases).
The wife wants her husband to read all the important information before he engages in the battle of the day.
12. Set up his motorbike or start the engine of his car (321 cases).
Many, if not most, Japanese wives are eager to be good assistants to their husbands. A wife starts her husband's spiritual engine for the day.
13. Select his tie for the day and knot it up at his neck (238 cases).
The husband can enjoy this service every morning but must remember that his wife holds an advantage here in that she can strangle him with his tie.
14. Arrange washroom gadgets and toiletries for him (187 cases).
A wife saves a great deal of her husband's time. The queen keeps the king on schedule in the morning.
15. Prepare hot bean paste soup for him (180 cases).
Bean paste soup made from soy beans is a typical Japanese breakfast.
16. Say itteras-shai (literally, "please go off'; meaning "see you again at home") with a smile (157 cases).
Her smile must be a charming one, but the samurai's face must remain dignified. In the Tokugawa period, Confucianism taught the Japanese samurai not to express four emotions—ki (joy), do (anger), ai (sorrow), and raku (comfort)—on his face. Even today the tradition compels a man to remain emotionally reticent.
17. Prepare vegetable and fruit juice for him (152 cases).
A married man is never ill fed or underfed in Japan. He is a very important earning machine for the family.
18. Give him clean underwear (137 cases).
It would be the wife's shame in Japan if her husband's dirty underwear happened to be exposed to the eyes of others.
19. Lay out his hair dryer for him (113 cases).
Here again, the queen keeps the king on schedule by saving him time.
20. Remind him of the time by shouting loudly to him while he is in the toilet (76 cases).
This resembles the cheerful wife shown in the American comic strip "Blondie."
21. Spray perfume over him (2 cases).
Many Japanese wives earnestly intend to be the architects of their husbands' appearance.
22. Bother to put his socks on his legs and to hurry him up (1 case).
To be punctual, a man needs a wife in Japan.
23. Spray eau de cologne in his armpit (1 case).
Such a tender-hearted service is not an amazing gesture in any part of the world, but if it is done every morning, that is something.
24. Hold his hands gracefully and ask what time he will come back home (1 case).
This is the most effective way of enchanting a samurai's heart, because the wife's affectionate deed strengthens the magic of her words, and her words vitalize her deed.
Although this survey is a few years old and the figures from it are not entirely accurate, they do give us a good picture of how helpful Japanese wives are and how fortunate their husbands are. In the isolated islands, the Tokugawa feudal system placed women under men and created better wives and worse husbands in the process. The imbalance remains because no other alternative has ever taken root. The findings from this survey might well lead us to conclude that Japan's tremendous development was achieved not only by the "samurai workers but also by their wives. Half the credit surely goes to the housewives. Their quality control of husbands has been excellent.
The Divided Frame of Life
In bushido (the code of the samurai), the loyal devotion of a samurai to his lord was essential. The alpha and omega of a samurai's life was service—nothing but self-sacrificing service to his lord. To a samurai, the pledge of loyalty was everything. A samurai gave himself up in toto to his lord. Therefore he did not even consider enjoying his home life and the conjugal love of his wife. A samurai's wife was also inculcated to support the loyal devotion of her husband to his lord. Accordingly, the life of a couple was divided: the husband's place was with the lord and the wife's place was in the home. Because deep conjugal relationships tended to weaken the samurai's spirit and cause him to neglect his duty, bushido proscribed such intimate relationships. Humanistic love was denied in order to keep the samurai ready to renounce his life at any time for the sake of his lord.
Japan has been changing fast, but a remnant of the samurai spirit exists steadfastly in the hearts of men. Japanese men are fearful of being looked down upon or being called a sissy by others for showing their conjugal intimacy in public. So are women, when they are out with their men. The open expression of conjugal love is not part of Japanese tradition.
I can remember well that before the war a woman was likely to follow deferentially a step behind her husband on the street, carrying their baby or bundles, while he walked ahead in lordly fashion. Since the war, great changes have taken place and women have won greater equality with men. The new way of thinking holds that there should be a stronger and more open bond of love between a husband and a wife. They now walk side by side, and their baby or bundles are often in his arms, not in hers. An increasing number of husbands now help out their wives with the evening dishes. However, this is a phenomenon among young couples and is only a superficial indication of change. Most of the traditional ways remain. If a middle-aged man like me were to go swimming with his wife unaccompanied by their children, it would cause a sensation all over the community. My wife and I did so once, and the next day my wife was asked by other housewives in the neighborhood: "Is it true that you went swimming with your husband?" They sounded as if we had done something wrong. The ripper can imagine how much bigger a splash my wife would have made in Japanese society if she had gone swimming with another man. In Western society, a woman could probably boldly say "It's none of your business," even in such a clear case of social immorality. In the traditional Japanese society, the wife would stand at bay, and might even have to commit suicide.
In Japan, it is not yet a social custom for a man to take his wife to parties. The parties are usually attended by men only, and sometimes office girls as well. Even on occasions when outside guests are cordially invited, wives are rarely, if ever, asked to attend with their husbands. The husbands go out, the wives stay at home—this is the typical scenario in Japan. The other day an American woman married to a Japanese man lamented the situation as follows in the press:
"Upon coming to Japan a couple of years ago, I was disappointed to find that the 'comfortable little group' attitude prevails in this country, not just to foreigners but to anyone outside the group. And the most obvious 'outsiders' in Japan are the women. For the most part, men in Japan do not associate with women. The business world is almost exclusively male, and social contacts seem limited to -after-hours drinking with associates and Sunday golf or some such activity with old school friends or club acquaintances."
When Japanese executives go abroad on business, they often come back deeply impressed by the capable wives in Western society who, in the company of their husbands at a social affair, manage the party or otherwise do their part efficiently. The executives say, "Why don't we have such 'Missuses' in Japan?" It is not a question of "we have" or "we don't have." Japanese wives are simply not given the chance to become socially capable. And that is the fault of their husbands. The worlds of Japanese husband and wife have been sharply divided for many centuries. Therefore, there have been excellent housewives in Japan but very few efficient "Missuses" who are socially capable.