‘What chest?’
‘The chest you went to inspect, Hugh. Felicity Fenwick’s chest. The Damascus chest. I thought your aunt was taking you to see Felicity Fenwick’s Damascus chest.’
‘She was. I saw it. It has a secret drawer. The chest is fine,’ Payne said absently. ‘One of the most beautiful objects that has ever been crafted by man. I found it quite remarkable. Definitely on my list of desiderata.’
There was a pause.
‘What is it, Hugh? Has something happened?’
‘Well, yes. You’d never believe it if I told you. The most extraordinary business. The devil of a business.’
‘Surely not?’
‘I am afraid so.’ Payne produced his pipe portentously. ‘The game, as they say, is afoot.’
Antonia remained unimpressed. ‘You say that at least once every couple of days. You said it when Dupin disappeared and you said it when we were charged for phone calls we’d never made.’
Dupin was their cat. Dupin had eventually reappeared, but Payne was convinced that he had been lured away and held captive by one of their neighbours, a solitary eccentric spinster who had been trying to persuade them to sell her Dupin.
‘This time it is much more serious than any cat or call we may or may not have made,’ said Payne. ‘Much more serious, my love, and utterly fascinating. More intriguing than, say, the case of the assassins at Ospreys.’
‘I don’t suppose you are talking about murder, are you?’
‘I am talking about murder. It happened on the privately owned Caribbean island of Grenadin. At a house called La Sorcière. No, I am not joking. The murder was committed with startling boldness in full view of at least five people, though none of them seemed to be aware that a shot had been fired.’
‘You are making this up.’
‘I am not. I saw it all with my very eyes.’
‘You mean you were one of the five witnesses?’
‘No. I saw a recording of it. The murder was captured on camera. That’s what makes the whole thing so terribly extraordinary.’
‘The island of Grenadin. Wasn’t that where-? It’s nothing to do with Lord Remnant, is it?’
‘It’s everything to do with Lord Remnant.’
Antonia stared back at him.
They had read Lord Remnant’s Times obituary together only a couple of days before. Antonia had idly commented on Lord Remnant’s photograph. She had said something to the effect that he looked arrogant and self-satisfied and she had taken particular exception to his wolfish smile.
‘The Times obituary said he died of a heart attack.’
‘That’s the official version. The consensus of opinion is that Lord Remnant was murdered.’
‘What consensus? Who are you talking about?’
‘My aunt. Felicity Remnant. Yours truly. We all agreed he was murdered. The whole thing is quite incredible. It starts with Felicity Remnant’s having her suspicions aroused at the crematorium,’ Payne went on. ‘She is struck by the conspiratorial behaviour of the people attending the cremation.’
‘I assume they were the very same crowd who watched as Lord Remnant handed in his dinner pail?’
‘The very same. Felicity thought they looked furtive. And then, as though in confirmation of her suspicions, she received an anonymous package containing a videotape showing Lord Remnant’s last moments.’
Payne went on to tell the rest of the story.
There was a pause.
‘Lord Remnant was shot through the back of the head by a giant rabbit,’ Antonia said.
‘Lord Remnant was shot by a person wearing a rabbit’s head, though I doubt it was a rabbit. I don’t think there are any rabbits in Shakespeare, are there?’ Payne held up his pipe. ‘Can you think of any animals at all in Shakespeare?’
‘There is a dog – Balthasar in Romeo and Juliet,’ said Antonia. ‘No – Balthasar is not a dog, but Romeo’s tragically precipitate friend. Sorry. How silly of me. I must be thinking of The Forsyte Saga – Old Jolyon and faithful Balthasar? Remember Balthasar’s death and subsequent burial?’
‘Vividly. The scene reduced me to tears. In which of Shakespeare’s tragedies does a character exit pursued by a bear?’
‘The Winter’s Tale? What has Shakespeare to do with Lord Remnant’s death?’
‘Lord Remnant died during a private performance of The Murder of Gonzago.’
‘I see. How fascinating… Hamlet’s brainwave. Hamlet was playing the detective. The play within the play. Hamlet also called it The Mousetrap… That’s where Agatha Christie got her idea.’
‘They keep thinking of ingenious ways of making Shakespeare more accessible to the masses, but there seem to be more misses than hits… Do you remember the way they did Gonzago in the David Tennant Hamlet? You hated it, didn’t you? The Player Queen! Remember the Player Queen?’
‘I most certainly do. The whole thing was terrible.’ Antonia shuddered squeamishly. ‘A veritable freak show.’
The Player King had sported monkey ears, and shuffled on boots attached to his knees. The Player Queen was a bare-breasted transvestite. Once murdered, the Player King had been shrouded in a white sheet and winched into the air where he had hovered, ghost-like. The regicide Lucianus had strutted about, wearing a heart-shaped spangled codpiece.
‘Lord Remnant’s murderer appears to have been dressed up as some long-eared creature,’ Payne said. ‘If not a rabbit, then Bottom in Midsummer Night’s Dream seems indicated, wouldn’t you say? I can’t think of any other ass in Shakespeare – can you?’
‘No. Bottom is not really an ass… Am I the only one who doesn’t find Shakespeare’s comedies funny? Who videotaped the thing?’ Antonia asked.
‘A servant, but then the camera changed hands and it was Clarissa Remnant’s aunt who took over.’
‘You said there was no sound?’
‘No, sadly. No subtitles either. It made me exercise my brains and eyes harder, which wasn’t such a bad thing.’
‘The package was addressed to Gerard Fenwick who is Lord Remnant’s brother… Any idea as to who the sender might be?’
‘Well, Clarissa’s aunt was the last to handle the camera, so the logical assumption is that she had the best chance of monkeying about with the film. This is backed up by the postmark.’ Payne frowned reflectively. ‘Her name is Hortense Tilling. Felicity says she looked particularly hag-ridden at the funeral. Well, Aunt Hortense may turn out to be one of those lonely middle-aged sensationalists who specialize in stirring up trouble for trouble’s sake – but it’s also possible that she sent the tape out of noble if somewhat muddled motives. She may be itching to spill the beans.’
‘Did you say postmark? What postmark?’
‘The Jiffy bag in which the tape was despatched bears the postmark Kensington and Chelsea and Aunt Hortense is the only member of the fatal house party who lives in Kensington. Dr Sylvester-Sale lives in Knightsbridge, the Hunters at a farm not far from Remnant Castle in Hertfordshire. Clarissa resides at Remnant Castle… As a matter of fact, I have been instructed to go and interview Aunt Hortense as soon as possible.’
‘What do you mean “instructed”? Who instructed you?’
‘The new Countess Remnant. Felicity. She wants me to investigate the circumstances surrounding her brother-in-law’s murder. She urged me to leave no stone unturned. She wants to know what exactly happened. She said that if I discovered the truth, the Damascus chest would be mine free of charge. She said she would tear up the cheque I gave her.’
‘She would tear up the cheque? How very interesting. And you accepted her commission, just like that? No hesitation?’