"Someone. I was making our dinner. You don't know him."
" Cleveland kidnapped me," I said.
"I'd imagine so," said Arthur. "Look, could you fellas come back in about a half hour?"
"No!" said Cleveland. They played a game, fell into it instantly, sharpening on each other their abilities- Cleveland 's verbose and graceless, Arthur's cool and mannered-to manipulate situations, to see the motives behind motives, to note and expose the telltale flicker of a glance. They could, finally, put two and two together; most people cannot. "You'll just make him go out the back door feeling all sticky and naked and unloved. Why not get him down here? Who is it? Cousin Richard? No-no, I'll bet it's Abdullah. I'll bet you two were making up again. He has some paper about Andrew Jackson he needs you to write for him, and so he came over here with a pound of swordfish and made a big Lebanese kissy-face, and now everything is jake."
Arthur laughed and looked delighted. "Abdullah!" he shouted. "Come downstairs!"
"Where's the dog?" said Cleveland.
"Downstairs trembling, as usual. I think she's in heat." He turned to me. "Scary, isn't he? Actually, it was the Emancipation Proclamation and veal scallops. I'm making veal marsala."
Our stomachs were full of veal and asparagus and we had been drinking for a long time; the sun set and the neighborhood grew still. In between songs on the radio, I could hear a lawn mower off in the distance, a dog barking. The Bellwethers had no screens on their windows, and a cloud of gnats hung over the center of the living room.
Arthur laid great significance on the fact that Dudu was half Maronite Christian. This lent him a special charm. He had the thin veneer of civilized French manners and sullen-ness over the dark, hirsute heart of the Levantine (Arthur liked them swarthy); he was the dazzling Beirut hotel harboring an unexploded bomb. Their very casual affair had been going on for a long time and had fallen into a comfortable pattern. "Every week," said Arthur, "we have knock-down-drag-out sex and then a tender and passionate fight. " Dudu had sat chewing and scowling all through dinner, and left immediately afterward, telling us that he was "a fucky one," because he had forgotten that his sister depended on him for a ride home from her ballet class and would be waiting for him on the sidewalk outside the Y with a few choice phrases of French.
Arthur, after Cleveland had called him on the hidden boy in the bedroom, showed not a trace of embarrassment. Something changed in his behavior because Cleveland was there; he withdrew from his usual position at the center of attention and just laughed, in his underwear and shirttails. Cleveland drank and drank. My involvement with Phlox seemed already to be a foregone conclusion, despite the fact that I had barely spoken to her, and they subjected me to several minutes of intensive teasing. Cleveland said he had slept with her, embarrassed me with the strange details, gave me a few "pointers"-and then said that it had perhaps been with a girl named Floss and not Phlox that he had dressed as Batman and she as Robin and then rolled around on the floor of a dark garage. I changed the subject and asked about Jane.
"I'm in the Out column of the Bellwether Fashion Forecast," Cleveland told me, crushing another empty can and flinging himself out of the paisley recliner out of which-it was on page eight of the list-Dr. Bellwether had forbidden anyone to fling himself. As he catapulted his big self toward the refrigerator, the La-Z-Boy produced exactly the metallic groan I supposed Dr. Bellwether most dreaded.
"Does that include Jane too?" I said, trying not to sound hopeful. I didn't, truly, entertain any hopes about Jane; some questions just have a dangerous tone built in.
"Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't," Arthur said. "Jane and Cleveland have been in love for about three of the six years they've been in love." He grinned-another first. "Bring me a beer, Cleveland?"
"The problem," said Cleveland, tossing an emerald can of Rolling Rock right at the nook between Arthur's stretched-out feet, where it lodged perfectly, and then grinding back in the unfortunate chair, "is her parents. In their opinion, of course, the problem is me."
"Evil Incarnate," I said.
"Oh, yeah; I'm the problem in Arthur's mother's opinion too. In fact, however, I am not a problem."
"Only a little socially disturbed," said Arthur.
"I am only in love with Jane Bellwether," Cleveland said, and then said it twice again. "This is a reality that Nettie and Al will just have to accept. However unpleasant. I wish they would just die. I hate both them and their guts."
"When are they coming home from New Mexico?" I said.
"Soon," said Arthur. "And I'll have to move."
One of the big songs that summer came on the radio.
Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do? Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do? Subtle innuendos follow: "Must be something inside."
Before the next song there was a short silence and we could hear some shouting-not angry shouting, more like a cry of "Telephone!"-from inside the next house.
"The kid next door is really kind of unusual," said Cleveland. "He keeps pit bulls. Of course Nettie and Al hate him because of the dogs, which, as you've probably seen on TV, will eat helpless infants and the elderly. And Jane claims that Teddy is violent, and-what does she say?-lewd. I've known about him for a long time, but you know, I've never met him. Currently he's nothing but a joke. A Figure of Fun. In fact," he said, and he got up and went over to the open window and shouted, "Teddeeee!" and from inside the other house someone said, "What?" and we laughed. "Let's go out back," said Cleveland. "Fuck the fucking Bellwethers." Arthur went to put on his pants.
The two backyards were separated by some half-dead shrubs and that was all. They formed one big lawn, filled with fireflies.
"Hey, Teddy!" said Cleveland.
Teddy came out onto the grass with the dogs, three of them, at his heels, in a very obedient kind of arrangement, like a squadron of navy show jets. We waved.
"Hello, Teddy," said Arthur, his tone cool and condescending again.
"We think he's retarded," Cleveland said to me, sotto voce. I made an inquiring face. "Well, because Jane always refers to him as 'poor Teddy,' you know? See-his hair is cut too short, the way retarded kids' hair is, like no one asks him how he wants it, and he can't sit still for very long, so they just lop the hell out of it one two three." He lopped the air with two scissoring fingers. "Big shoes. Hey, Teddy, can we see your dogs?"
"Wait," I said. "Stop. You aren't going to torment a retarded kid and his pets."
"Wait," said Cleveland.
"No, I'm not ready for ugliness from you guys. Sordidness, maybe, but not something brutal, or cruel, okay? I don't know you well enough."
"Wait. Everything will be jake."
Teddy and the pit bulls came snapping through the hedge and crossed over to us.
"Where are the Bellwethers?" he said. "What have you done with them?" He smiled. It was immediately clear that he was not retarded. He was probably eighteen and bright, but his terrible haircut, his small nose and eyes, and his fat cheeks made him look younger and more stupid. Arthur asked him if he would care for a beer and then went back into the house to get him one.
"Terrific dogs," said Cleveland.
"I trained them myself," said Teddy. "They're perfectly trained."
They sat in a row, panting almost in unison, three tough little good-natured knots of dog muscle that attended every movement of Teddy's hands. He commanded them to stop panting, and blip! their tongues shot back into their mouths.
"Amazing," said Cleveland. He knelt down and patted the series of heads. Then he grinned a sinister grin. "Well," he said, "what should we have done with the Bellwethers?"