We danced; Phlox was trying to speak to me in French. She said amorous things. I answered promptly in English, mentioning also that I'd read that it was nowadays considered in poor taste to talk of love in French. "Don't be mean to me," she said, laughing. I laughed. She wriggled, minutely, in her strapless dress. I looked more closely at her makeup, and could see, as she glanced suddenly over her shoulder, that she had indeed been a punk sometime in the recent past; her eye shadow and blush defied her looks, rather than enhancing them, her ears had been pierced many times, and there was even, I thought, a dimpled trace of the piercing of her nose.
"Look," she said, "look up there. There's some kind of gallery up there. You can see things hanging on the walls. Look, Art, you can see art on the walls. There are African masks. "
"Speaking of Africa, Phlox," I said. She'd been expecting this, I suppose, or something like it, and was instantly outraged, stopped moving. "No. No, no way. If you ever call me Mau Mau, it will be the last thing you say to me."
"But why?" I said. "Why do they call you that?" "Nobody calls me that. Don't you call me that." "Never," I said. "Never will I call you that name." "Merci." She reached up and pulled tentatively on a lock of my hair. "Que tu es beau, Arthur," she said.
"Don't call me that. Never call me Artoor,'" I mimicked. "And 'que tu es beau'-come on."
She ranged her fingertips along my arm. I couldn't stop looking at her oversophisticated, tricolor eye shadow.
"That's what Daniel says to me. Que tu es belle, Phlox. Tries to say. His accent's terrible."
"I see. And just who is this Daniel fellow, anyway?" The name had cropped up in Arthur's conversation, at odd intervals, without any specific virtue or stigma being attached to it, but often enough that knowing some vague person named Daniel had come to seem one of Arthur's minor traits; and it was jarring somehow to hear Phlox say the name.
"A friend. He works in the library. The three of us go drinking sometimes."
This little statement left two unmistakable impressions: that I had a rival for Phlox's affections, and that I had somehow been deceived by Arthur, who obviously knew Phlox much better than he'd led me to believe. I thought: Well, it's okay, I am a rivalrous guy, this is going to be fun. But I also felt I had, or certainly ought to have, one or two important questions for Arthur.
"Daniel says I'm beautiful in a post-Godardian way."
"That Daniel. What a charmer."
"But there's something I dislike about him. I like you much more. He's moody, he's cruel. He suffers from spleen; do you know what spleen is? He's, well, he's an artist. You know. But you're a happy person, I can tell. Smiley. Sunny. I'm going to call you Sunny," she said.
"Next!" I called, lightly shooing her away, snapping my fingers impatiently, as though she'd just blown the audition.
"Stop. All right. But I'll find something else to call you, I swear. Are you going to kiss me, Arthur Bechstein?" she said.
"Eventually, I'm sure."
"Now," she said.
"You look very beautiful, Phlox," I said, and with my ridiculous heart beating as though I were that first German laborer, ignorant of engineering and about to remove that first wooden support from that first lacy thousand-ton dome of poured concrete, I made a fractional movement toward her lips with mine; then I drew her slightly into the shadow of a little tree and kissed her; somebody coughed. I heard the scrape of her dress against the thin branches, and the faint noise of her lips, fleshy, wet, tasting of lime and gin. I opened my eyes.
"There," she said, "that's over."
We went at it.
When we got back to the booth, a tall, skinny boy dressed for basketball, with an Italian face and filterless cigarettes, was sitting with Arthur. The tall boy was lighting Arthur's cigarette and I saw that the evening's arrangements had shifted. Now we were two couples who would go our separate ways.
"Phlox, Arthur, this is Bobby."
We said hello. Phlox and I were standing very close to each other, and I couldn't tell whether Bobby's careful top-to-bottom scrutiny was of Phlox or of me. I slid into the booth, next to Arthur, but Phlox remained on her feet, eyeing her purse.
"Oh," I said, "I guess we're going."
"Yes, I guess you are," said Arthur. "Good-bye." He looked away from us, Bobby handed Phlox her little bag, I left a few dollars on the table, and we went out.
"How strange," I said.
She took my arm, a bit brusquely.
"I think it's disgusting," she said. "I think it's terrible that poor Arthur is gay."
"Why?" I said. "It doesn't-"
"I'm sorry, I just think it's disgusting and a shame. Men who sleep with men are just big cowards." She shivered once, then redoubled her grip on my arm and turned smiling to me. "Art, let's go to my house."
I kissed her behind the ear, came away with a mouthful of hair.
"Ooh," she said. "Do you want to take the bus or walk?"
"Let's walk," I said. "It'll give me a chance to burn off some of this rampaging heterosexual energy."
"I'll bet you're just a big battery, aren't you?"
"Urn, Phlox, could we do something about these endearments of yours? 'Ooh.' A big battery.' You sound like a starlet, like Mamie Van Doren or someone."
"I love Mamie Van Doren," Phlox said, slapping me lightly across the face. "I am a starlet."
9. The Heartbreak Thing
I admit I have an ugly fondness for generalizations, so perhaps I may be forgiven when I declare that there is always something weird about a girl who majors in French. She has entered into her course of study, first of all, knowing full well that it can only lead to her becoming a French teacher, a very grim affair, the least of whose evils is poor pay, and the prospect of which should have been sufficient to send her straight into business or public relations. She has been betrayed into the study of French, heedless of the terrible consequences, by her enchantment with this language, which has ruined more young American women than any other foreign tongue.
Second, if her studies were confined simply to grammar and vocabulary, then perhaps the French major would develop no differently from those who study Spanish or German, but the unlucky girl who pursues her studies past the second year comes inevitably and headlong into contact with French Literature, potentially one of the most destructive forces known to mankind; and she begins to relish such previously unglamorous elements of her vocabulary as Jan-gueur and funeste, and, speaking English, inverts her adjectives, to let one know that she sometimes even thinks in French. The writers she comes to appreciate-Breton, Baudelaire, Sartre, de Sade, Cocteau-have an alienating effect, especially on her attitude toward love, and her manner of expressing her emotions becomes difficult and theatrical; while those French writers whose influence might be healthy, such as Stendhal or Flaubert, she dislikes and takes to reading in translation, where their effect on her thought and speech is negligible; or she willfully misreads Madame Bovary and La Chartreuse, making dark romances of them. I gathered that Phlox, in particular, considered herself "linked by destiny" (liée par le destin) both to Nadja and to O. That is how a female French major thinks.
She lived in an apartment on the second floor of an old house, in a vague, quiet area between Squirrel Hill and Shadyside. As we climbed her bright stairway, I counted steps and watched the play of flowers on her broad, rather flat derrière. I knew what was about to happen, but I did not stop to think, except to think that I knew what was about to happen.