As I gritted my teeth to bear my humiliation, Kozuka patted my shoulder twice.
That evening, I was dining with a woman named Maki at an Italian restaurant in Akasaka. Maki was an aspiring model. But she’d probably only done a few real modeling jobs. The types of gigs that came to her were things like being a campaign girl or an event companion. I was also aware she worked at a hostess club a few nights a week to pay her bills. Up until now, I’d never invited her out myself. The one who called was always her. I wasn’t stupid enough to think she’d fallen in love with me. I was probably just an important connection to her.
But tonight I was the one who’d called. I didn’t feel like going home without blowing a little steam first. After dinner, we’d go drinking somewhere, and depending on the flow of the conversation, I might try to get her into bed. Having a physical relationship could cause some hassles down along the line, but I thought it was better than spending the night with my own emotions.
By the time our fish came out, one bottle of white wine had been emptied. I ordered the same thing. If a meat dish came out, I could also order red wine then.
“Aren’t you fast,” Maki said as she clumsily brought her food to her mouth. She was on a diet and consciously over-chewed. I was a little annoyed, but I couldn’t ruin the mood.
“Maybe it’s because I’m feeling high. And when I get nervous, I get thirsty.” I tilted my glass.
“Why are you feeling high?”
“It’s because you met with me. I invited you suddenly, so I was sure you’d refuse.”
“Don’t say that. You’re such a sweet talker.” She pretended to laugh it off, but her eyes said that she didn’t mind one bit.
“When I’m just straightforward, I’m not taken seriously. It’s really hard to praise a woman in Japan. But I’m really nervous. It’s a bit of a mystery to me, too.”
Huh, she tilted her head.
“First off, meeting a woman face to face like this over a meal is something I haven’t done in a while. Another thing, up until now I hadn’t ever contacted you. I wonder if it’s from the guilt of breaking that commandment.”
“Now that you mention it, you’re right. Why today? Was it on some whim?”
“I don’t blame you for thinking so, the way I invited you, but I’d tried a number of times. But no matter what I couldn’t make the call. But then tonight, I suddenly found the courage.”
Mere white lies.
“Did something happen at work?” Maki peered into my face.
“No, not really.” I lifted my glass. I wasn’t in the mood to tell her in detail about my affairs. That wasn’t the role she served.
Packing the passable meal and wine into my stomach, I offered information I thought Maki would find interesting and presented related anecdotes, interspersing light jokes in between. I was fully aware that a young woman wouldn’t feel satisfied just hearing her partner hold forth, so after that I switched over to listening. Her talk was juvenile, worked up to nothing, and moreover hadn’t a hint of structure, so I could barely keep from falling asleep at how boring it was. Still, biting down on my yawns, I nodded along like I’d never heard anything so captivating before. She probably thought that just for tonight she’d become an able conversationalist.
It was like a game between men and women, too, after all. But if your opponent wasn’t good, the game wasn’t any fun. On that note, tonight’s playmate left me wanting. Looking at Maki’s happy face, I wondered if I should have invited out the other woman. Being an office lady, she’d probably have been on guard about a sudden invitation, and I’d have had to make full use of various techniques to make it work. What to talk about at the table would have posed a challenge as well. But if you were going to date a woman, it was better when you had to focus a little.
In short, what I sought from women wasn’t their bodies but a stimulating, sophisticated game. Sex was nothing but a reward for victory.
It wasn’t just romance, I was like that about everything. I saw it all as a game, and victory granted me joy. Sports, of course, but my studies, too, I’d approached that way. Good or bad test scores meant nothing but winning or losing. College entrance exams were the epitome of that. If I earned a big run there, victory in the ultimate game, life, would be in my hands. I faced my entrance exams with that belief and successfully got into the college of my choice. Even in the job market, I did everything conceivable and got into the company I wanted. I thanked my planning for everything.
In my life so far, I hadn’t lost a whole lot of matches. Even without Katsutoshi Katsuragi telling me, work was indeed a game for me. Nissei Automobile’s campaign, too. And I had believed that the automobile park plan was certain to wrest victory, and still did now.
He was fairly confident when it came to games?
Then we had to play. We had to find out once and for all who the true master was.
But what could I do? My opponent had robbed me of my chance to fight. Sadly, there was no way for me to challenge him to a match.
“What’s wrong?” Maki looked at me, puzzled. I had been in thought and missed her story, it seemed.
“No, nothing. I think I’ve had too much wine.” I smiled and scooped a mouthful of my sherbet dessert.
After leaving the restaurant, I tried asking her if she wanted to drink some more. Without hesitating one bit, Maki consented. I hailed a cab.
“But I feel relieved. Because you seem to be doing fine,” Maki said after the taxi started moving.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, because…” After pausing and choosing her words, she opened her mouth again. “I was worried you were depressed. Or if you weren’t depressed, that you were in a bad mood…”
“Well, that’s weird. Why would I be depressed or in a bad mood?”
At that, she looked at me awkwardly with upturned eyes. “During the day today, I talked with Jun over the phone. You know her, right? Jun Ueno?”
“Of course I do.” Junko Ueno was an employee of Cyberplan. She was also the reason I had come to know Maki. Apparently they had been friends since high school. “Did she say something?”
“Yeah, she mentioned you and said that you were probably blue.”
“Blue?”
“She said you’d been given an important project but suddenly been let off of it…”
“She said that?”
“Yeah.”
I sighed. Undoubtedly every single employee in the whole company knew that Shunsuke Sakuma had been removed from the Nissei Automobile campaign, and all kinds of rumors were circulating. Among those employees were probably some who were gratified. People whose work I had disparaged or who thought I’d gotten the better of them weren’t hard to find.
“Jun said that letting you off was stupid. That there wasn’t anyone as perfect as you.”
“I’m honored she’d go so far as to say that.” Having someone like Junko Ueno say stuff like that didn’t make me happy at all. In fact, being pitied by her was humiliating.
“I’m not lying. Other than at crime, she said no one could beat you.”
“Huh…”
That caught unexpectedly at something in my heart. I had a feeling like you do just before realizing you’d forgotten some item. Eventually, it took on a clear shape and floated into my mind as an idea.
“Excuse me, please stop here,” I told the driver. “One person will get off here.”
Next to me Maki’s eyes widened. “What’s wrong?”
“Sorry. I remembered something urgent. I’ll make up for this.”
I took two ten-thousand-yen bills out of my wallet, forced them on her, and got out. Maki looked dumbstruck as she watched me from the taxi that had started moving again.