“Lace, that’s impossible. We’re in this for the long haul, don’t you see that?”
“Don’t do this to me. It’s not fair.”
Ry’s palm smoothed along her cheekbone. “You know what’s not fair? Running away because you’re too afraid of getting hurt again. Charlie’s right. At some point, you have to let go of the past, baby.”
“Why can’t you understand I’m doing what’s best for all of us? You both deserve to get married. Have a family.”
“What the hell do you think the three of us are?” Ry demanded.
“It’s not the same.”
“Fuck that. It’s the only one that matters to me. Matters to Bram.” The conviction in Ry’s fierce gaze brought tears to her eyes.
Because she knew he was fooling himself, she said, “This conversation is done with. Please, don’t make it any worse.” Before either of them could stop her, she rushed inside the bathroom. Emotionally drained, she slumped against the tiled wall and cried.
Chapter Sixteen
Feeling like a sluggish zombie, Ry swiped the razorblade through the shaving cream lathered on his jaw. He couldn’t bring himself to meet his own gaze. No doubt the hollowness there matched the emptiness residing in his chest.
His life was a fucking mess, and he didn’t know what the hell to do to turn everything around. To make it right again.
No, strike that. He knew what he wanted, what he needed to feel whole again. But the one woman who completed him refused to give up her fears.
She’d said she loved him—something he’d dreamt of hearing his entire goddamned life. It was a bittersweet revelation.
He flicked on the faucet and rinsed the last traces of foam from his face before washing out the basin. The task was a mindless one, requiring minimal energy on his part. Fortunate, since he felt completely dead inside.
He yanked on his jeans and a crewneck. Combed his hair. By the time he was finished going through the motions, the coffeemaker spat out the last of its cycle. He poured a cup and took a gulp, not really registering its taste. The hot liquid settled in his gut in an unpleasant way. He dumped the remainder down the drain and scooped his keys from the counter. During the elevator ride down to the main level of his condo complex, he stared at the flickering fluorescent bulb overhead that the maintenance staff kept forgetting to replace.
Why the hell did he continue to live in this damn place? He didn’t even particularly like it.
His thoughts returned to Bram’s suggestion of them all moving into his house. A fresh ache pierced his heart. He couldn’t imagine a future that didn’t include Lacey. Didn’t include Bram.
He’d never felt this fucking alone. Not even when he’d run away as a kid and struggled to survive on his own. The streets might have toughened him, prepared him for life, but they’d never prepared him for this. To the rest of the world, he might still resemble the self-assured guy he struggled at portraying, but inside he was a mushy mess, pining for a woman and a life he would never have.
His motions listless, he cleared the light dusting of snow from the headlights of his truck before making the drive into work. The fortunate part about handling the afternoon shift was missing morning rush-hour traffic on Jefferson Avenue. Even that bit of good luck did nothing to lift his spirits. He pulled into his parking spot in front of the Dockside and killed the engine. Pocketing his keys, he made his way inside the restaurant.
A few of the regulars up at the bar called out greetings. Pasting on a smile, he shot a brief wave in their direction and crossed to his and Bram’s office. He peeled off his coat and tossed it onto his chair. The door snicked open and he turned. His gaze locked with Lacey’s startled one.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize…” Swallowing, she dropped her focus to the floor. Refusing to look at him, she hurried toward Bram’s desk.
He stared at her while she dug through the small pile of invoices. It’d been five fucking days since she’d slammed the restroom door on him and Bram and left them reeling.
God, she was ripping his heart out. “We need to talk.”
She glanced up at him, her expression wary. “I’m kind of busy right now.” She gestured toward the invoice in her hand.
“That wasn’t a request.”
Her lips rolled into a tight line, but surprisingly she nodded. He zeroed in on her mouth, wanting with every fiber in his being to tug her into his arms and kiss some sense into her. If they were anywhere else but here, he would have. But he knew he was treading on perilous ice as it was. One false step and it’d crack right out from under him.
His life was in enough turmoil. He didn’t need to sink it further. “I’ve missed you, baby.”
Her mouth trembled. “You see me every day.”
“It’s not the same. Do you know how hard it is to be this close to you and feel like you’re miles away?”
“Would it be easier if I was?”
His stomach pitched, threatening to send up the coffee he’d choked down earlier. “What are you saying?”
“M-maybe it would be better for all of us if I sold my share of the Dockside.”
It took two angry steps to reach her. Once he did, he gripped her shoulders, resisting the urge to shake her. “Don’t talk fucking stupid shit like that to me, goddamn it.”
She gulped. “I didn’t mention it to make you mad, but I don’t want this to end up something that could hurt the business. I wouldn’t do that to you and Bram.”
“No, you’ll just stomp on our fucking hearts, that’s all.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. “I asked you not to make this worse than it already is.”
“It’s too late for that, baby. You and Bram, you’re the two things in this world that have kept me going. Given me a reason to believe that my life is worth a shit.” He eased his grip on her, but the tremor in his hands didn’t lessen. “I can’t remember a time I didn’t love you. I used to think it was impossible for me to feel any more miserable, knowing I couldn’t tell you what was inside my heart. But that doesn’t begin to compare with what I’m going through now.”
He let go of her and plowed his fingers through his hair. “Hell, maybe you’re the smart one. Locking out any chance of love and running in the opposite direction. Maybe if I’d done that, I wouldn’t be slowly dying inside.” Despite his best efforts to control it, his voice broke on the tail end of his statement. Worried he was seconds away from completely unmanning himself, he pivoted and strode from the office just as Bram stepped out of the stockroom carrying reels of receipt paper for the registers.
Bram halted, his expression worried. “What’s going on?”
“She suggested selling her share of the business.”
Bram’s focus veered to the closed office door. “What?”
His mouth twisted with bitterness. “My words exactly. I told her there’s no fucking way we’re going along with that.”
“Maybe I should talk to her.”
“It won’t do a damn bit of good,” he bit out flatly. “She’s never coming around.”
He figured Bram’s stricken features were a mirror of his own. He felt like the world’s hugest bastard killing Bram’s last hope, but it was a necessary evil.
They both needed to face the facts. Lacey might love them, but she was too afraid to ever allow them access to her heart.
Pain cramping her chest, Lacey stared at the door Ry had vacated only seconds before. She had the odd sensation that although she was standing in Ry and Bram’s office, she might as well be a universe away from the comfortable world she used to know.
Charlie’s words echoed with harsh recrimination inside her head. Life’s too short to regret the things we let slip us by because it hurts too much to let go of the past.