I was aware that when strangers looked at her, they probably looked no further than the many piercings, the tattoos, the dyed hair, and the painfully obvious fact that she was pregnant. She did, in fact, scream ‘troubled teen’ and anyone looking at her was bound to assume that she was a troublemaker. Believing me to be her father, the people around us liked me for taking her out to lunch, but they pitied me too for having such a troublesome child. How very ignorant of them. But I could be a friend even if not a father. I wanted something more than this fragile, cautious friendship that we had right now. But that kind of thing took time — I couldn’t grab at it for she had to trust me first. And then a flash of inspiration struck:
‘I don’t usually eat desserts,’ I remarked casually as I sank my fork into the marzipan gateau before me. ‘But my partner has a very sweet tooth.’
‘Partner?’ Casey asked. ‘Are you married?’
I saw her glance down at my hands, distinctly devoid of any wedding ring.
‘No, she doesn’t believe in marriage. We live in Italy but my brother lives in Budapest and he’s had some family problems that I’ve been helping him with. Still, I’m hoping to be able to return home in a month or two.’
I could see straightaway that this was a good thing to have told her, for Casey relaxed visibly, reassured that my intentions weren’t inappropriate and that I was just a normal person with a family of my own.
‘Do you have children?’ Casey asked.
‘Two daughters,’ I said.
‘You must really miss them.’
‘You have no idea.’
Already I was almost believing the story myself. I wished it were true. I thought of Nicky and Luke and felt that familiar longing rise up sharply. Hastily, I stuffed it back down again. I did not feel guilty for lying to Casey. All I wanted was to reassure her that I wasn’t dangerous. That she had nothing to fear from me…
‘Is there something wrong with your cake?’ I asked, noticing that she had been eating it very slowly and thinking that perhaps she didn’t like it.
To my surprise, she laughed. ‘No, there’s nothing wrong with it at all. In fact, I think it’s just the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted in my life.’
I raised my eyebrows at her, puzzled by the enthusiasm in her voice. She gave me an embarrassed grin and indicated the banana cake on her plate with her fork. ‘Cravings. I couldn’t get them for some cheap, commonplace thing like rice, right? It had to be scarce, expensive banana cake. I’ve been lying awake at night just obsessing about banana cake the past few nights, so this really hits the spot, you know? I just want to enjoy it as much as I can. Thanks again.’
So why didn’t you buy yourself a slice to begin with, I thought, watching her scrape carefully at a stray bit of icing on the edge of the plate. When I’d walked into the coffee shop, Casey had been trying to buy Toby a drink and a slice of cake, but she hadn’t had anything for herself. She hadn’t offered me any excuse or explanation as to why all her cards had been rejected, but I suppose the fact rather spoke for itself.
‘When is your baby due?’ I asked
‘Oh… around December, I think. I can’t remember the exact day.’
‘Where’s the father?’ I asked tentatively.
‘I wish I knew,’ Casey said with a wry smile.
‘Sorry,’ I said, feeling low for even asking her.
‘Don’t be. It isn’t your problem.’
I wanted to discuss the matter further, to help her come up with some sort of practical survival plan, but I didn’t want to mar the occasion by upsetting her. After we’d finished, I walked with them back to the apartment block. Casey was working in a few hours and just wanted to give Toby some fish fingers before dropping him at a childminder’s and going on to her job as a barmaid. In the corridor outside the doors to our apartments, Casey paused and thanked me, urging Toby to do the same. I replied that it had been my pleasure to have some company other than my whiny, problem-riddled brother and then, after a brief hesitation, I spoke to her about the matter that was most pressing on my mind, ‘Casey, look, I know it’s none of my business but… when the baby comes… are you planning on keeping it?’
‘Of course I will be keeping the baby! It’s mine!’ Casey said sharply. ‘And you’re right, it’s none of your business!’
‘I’m not trying to change your mind. I just wanted to say that.. if you want me to do anything… If you ever want any help-’
‘I thought you were going back home to Italy soon?’
‘Oh. Well, yes, I am but until then… And anyway, financially speaking you must have some kind of rights against the father. He must be under some obligation to you to pay maintenance or-’
Casey sighed and smiled gently at me. ‘The truth is, Gabriel… there is no father.’
I shook my head, confused. ‘What do you mean there’s no…?’ I trailed off, looking again at the golden aura that surrounded her and noticing for the first time how very like the golden halo around the Virgin Mary it was. Forgetting myself, I grabbed at her upper arms in my excitement. ‘Is it a virgin birth?’ I blurted out. I think I may have been grinning like a lunatic as I spoke.
But then I saw the alarmed way she was looking at me and I hastily let her go and wiped the insane grin off my face, horrified to realise that I was probably undoing all the good will I had painstakingly built up that afternoon. And I had been doing so well at appearing normal up until then too.
‘Why would you assume that?’ she asked, her voice almost a whisper.
‘Just… just a joke,’ I said with a forced laugh. ‘Sorry. So, er… artificial insemination, was it?’
I held my breath, desperately hoping that she would accept my clumsy attempt to explain myself. But as I looked at her hopefully, my mouth dropped open in horror. Ever since seeing her in the coffee shop, Casey had continued to be surrounded by that breathlessly stunning, shimmering golden aura, glinting with flecks of liquid light, bathing her in an exquisite beauty.
But as we stood there, in the corridor of our shabby apartment block, the aura abruptly changed, turning to a thick, sticky black; clinging about her like tar, moving and swirling in the most sinister clouds of pure evil that I have ever seen. There was a faint burning smell too, and for all the world it smelled to me like human flesh. The hairs on my arms and on the back of my neck stood up as I gazed at her. She was clearly quite unaware of this depraved, undiluted malevolence that hovered over her and clung to her body.
She raised an eyebrow and said rather coldly, ‘Well, my parents and the doctors didn’t believe me either but at least they didn’t make a joke out of it. They just shouted. It is an immaculate conception, Gabriel,’ she said. ‘Amusing though that may be to you.’
I gazed at her, desperately wracking my brain for what a normal person might say in this situation. ‘Look, Casey… It’s… it’s easy enough to get pregnant by mistake. If the protection you used was faulty or something. And even if your boyfriend never actually… well, there are other ways of getting-’
‘I’m a virgin,’ she said calmly. ‘I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was fourteen.’ Then with a casual shrug, she added, ‘There is no father.’
Then she turned away and went back into the apartment with her brother, closing the door behind her.
I have given much thought to the episode and have finally come to the conclusion that Casey simply must have been mistaken about what she said to me. Angels and devils running around on Earth is one thing but a virgin birth is something else entirely and even though my mind automatically leaped to that assumption when she said there was no father, I have to be sensible about this. The odds are that Casey got pregnant by accident — that she is not touched by celestial strangeness as I am. That she is simply a normal teenage girl who made a mistake and that is all.