"I don’t know, Allie, That's up to you. But I would think about it. Think about what you really want.”
Allie turned away, her eyes reddening. A moment later a tear drifted down her cheek. "I don't know… " She trailed off, and her mother squeezed her hand.
Anne looked at Noah, who had been sitting with his head down, listening carefully. As if on cue, he returned her gaze, nodded and left the room.
When he was gone, Anne whispered, "Do you love him?"
"Yes, I do," Allie answered softly, "very much."
"Do you love Lon?"
"Yes, I do. I love him, too. Dearly, but in a different way. He doesn't make me feel the way Noah does."
"No one will ever do that," her mother said, and she released Allie's hand. "I can't make this decision for you, Allie, this one's all yours. I want you to know, though, that I love you. And I always will. I know that doesn't help, but it's all I can do."
She reached in her handbag and removed a bundle of letters held together with string, the envelopes old and slightly yellowed.
"These are the letters that Noah wrote to you. I never threw them away, and they haven't been opened. I know I shouldn't have kept them from you, and I'm sorry for that. But I was just trying to protect you. I didn't realize…”
Allie took them and ran her hand over them, shocked.
"I should go, Allie. You've got some decisions to make, and you don't have much time. Do you want me to stay in town?”
Allie shook her head, "No, this is up to me."
Anne nodded and watched her daughter for a moment, wondering. Finally she stood, went around the table, leaned over and kissed Allie on the cheek. She could see the confusion in her daughter's eyes as Allie embraced her.
They stood together for another minute, just holding each other.
"Thanks for coming, Allie said, “I love you."
"I love you too."
As her mother made her way out of the living room, Allie thought that she heard her whisper, "Follow your heart,” but she couldn’t be sure,
NOAH OPENED the door for Anne Nelson as she went out.
“Goodbye Noah," she said quietly. He nodded without speaking. There wasn't anything else to say; they both knew that. She turned from him and left, closing the door behind her. Noah watched her dim away without looking back. She was a strong woman, he thought to himself, and he knew then where Allie got it
Noah peeped into the living room, saw Allie sitting with her head down, then went to the back porch, knowing that she needed to be alone. He sat quietly in his rocker and watched the water
After what seemed like an eternity he heard the back door open. He didn’t turn to look at her-for some reason he couldn’t-and he listened as she sat in the chair beside him.
“I’m sorry," Allie said. "I bad no idea this would happen."
Noah shook his head. "Don't be sorry. We both knew it was coming to some form or another."
"It’s still hard.”
"I know." He finally turned to her, reaching for her hand. "Is here anything I can do to make it easier?"
She shook her head. "No. Not really. I have to do this alone. Besides, I'm not sure what I'm going to say to him yet." She looked down and her voice became softer. "I guess it depends on him and low much he knows. If my mother was right, he may have suspicions, but he doesn't know anything for sure."
Noah felt tightness in his stomach. When he finally spoke his voice was steady, but she could hear the pain in it. "You're not going to tell him about us, are you?"
"I don't know. I really don't. While I was in the living room, I kept asking myself what I really wanted in my life." She squeezed his hand. "And do you know what the answer was? The answer was that I want you. I want us. I love you and I always have." She took a deep breath before going on. "But I also want a happy ending without hurting anyone. And I know that if I stayed, people would be hurt. Especially Lon. I wasn't lying when I told you that I love him. He doesn't make me feel the same way you do, but I care for him, and this wouldn't be fair to him. But staying here would also hurt my family and friends. I would be betraying everyone I know… I don't know if I can do that."
"You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love."
"I know," she said, "but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. For ever. I have to be able to go forward and not look back any more. Can you understand that?"
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. "Not really. Not if it means losing you. I can't do that again."
She didn't say anything but lowered her head. Noah went on: "Could you really leave me without looking back?"
She bit her lip as she answered. Her voice was beginning to crack. "I don't know. Probably not."
"Would that be fair to Lon?"
She didn't answer. Instead she stood up, wiped her face and walked to the edge of the porch where she leaned against the post and watched the water before answering quietly: "No."
"It doesn't have to be like this, Allie," he said. "We're adults now, we have the choice we didn't have before. We're meant to be together. We always have been." He walked to her side and put his hand on her shoulder. "I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what might have been. Stay with me, Allie."
Tears filled her eyes. "I don't know if I can," she whispered.
"You can. Allie… I can't live my life happily knowing you're with someone else. That would kill a part of me. What we have is rare. It's too beautiful to just throw it away."
After a moment he gently turned her towards him, took her hands and stared at her, willing her to look at him. Allie finally faced him with moist eyes. After a long silence, Noah brushed the tears from her cheeks with his fingers. His voice caught as he saw what her eyes were telling him. "You're not going to stay, are you?" He smiled weakly. "You want to, but you can't."
"Oh, Noah," she said as the tears began again, "try to understand-"
He shook his head to stop her. "I know what you're trying to say-I can see it in your eyes. But I don't want to understand it, Allie. I don't want it to end this way. I don't want it to end at all. But if you leave, we both know we'll never see each other again."
She leaned into him and began to cry harder as Noah fought back his own tears. He wrapped his arms around her.
"Allie, I can't force you to stay with me. But no matter what happens in my life, I'll never forget these last couple of days with you. I've been dreaming about this for years."
He kissed her gently, and they embraced as they had when she first got out of her car two days ago. Finally Allie let him go and wiped her tears. "I have to get my things, Noah."
He didn't go inside with her. Instead he sat down in the rocker, spent. He watched her go into the house and listened as the sound of her movements faded into nothing. She emerged minutes later with everything she'd brought and walked towards him with her head down. She handed him the drawing she had done yesterday morning. "Here, Noah. I made this for you."
Noah took the drawing and unrolled it slowly.
The image in the foreground, which occupied most of the page, was a picture of how he looked now. Noah noticed that she had pencilled in every detail of his face. It was almost as if she'd copied it from a recent photograph. The second image was the front of the house. The detail there was also incredible, as if she had sketched it while sitting beneath the oak tree.