I sigh and lean in, dropping my voice. Even though there aren’t any people close to us, I don’t want it to fall into the wrong ears. I’m not exactly a kiss and tell kind of girl, even though that’s just what I’m about to do. “I slept with Bram.”
“What?” she shrieks, and James looks over from the other end of the bar.
“Steph, shut it!” I warn her, leaning across the bar to smack her arm. “I thought you figured it via my tomato face.”
“Yeah but to hear you say it!” she exclaims. She wriggles in her seat. “Okay, okay, details. All the details. Tell me everything. Does he have a big dick? Is he like Linden?”
“Calm down,” I tell her, knowing she was going to bring Linden into it somehow. “Okay, I guess it all started with IKEA.”
“IKEA!” Steph says with a smile, putting her fist down on the bar as if IKEA was the name of a good friend of ours.
“Yeah, well, he took me there, you know I told you, to get a new couch.”
“Yeah…and you had sex on the couch!”
“No. Just wait. Okay, so it was all fine. He was flirting with me, you know how he is, so damn direct about it.”
“Just like Linden,” she says dreamily, her chin propped up on her hand.
“Not like Linden,” I tell her. “Anyway, so later, back at home, he comes over to help me assemble the couch. I can’t remember if I asked him or not. Oh yeah, I needed a drill! Anyway, Ava is having a nap in my room and we’re talking…and…you know, he’s not at all what I thought.” I don’t want to divulge any of the private stuff he shared with me about the charity, but I say, “And I think he’s not at all what you think. Or even Linden. He’s a lot deeper than that.”
She snorts. “Bram? Deep? Come on, the only way he’s deep is when he’s trying to calculate all the women he’s been with.”
I have to admit, I’m getting a bit defensive. “Not true at all. I mean, yeah, there’s women. Or there was.”
“Was?”
“But I’m getting ahead of myself—”
“You are getting way ahead of yourself.”
“Anyway we were talking and…God, I don’t know. I just…I know it’s stupid of me but man, you know, all this time with the flirting and innuendos and I just wanted to see what it was like to be with him. You know? It started to become all I thought about, just looking at him, listening to that damn accent—”
She sighs loudly. “Yeah, that accent.”
“He was making me feel things I hadn’t felt in a really long time.”
She gives me a steady look, her lip pouting slightly. “How come you never told me about this? I thought you hated Bram.”
“I did! But, he kind of won me over. And I guess I figured it was just stupid to have a thing for someone like him.”
“Oh, honey, come on. Who doesn’t have a thing for Bram? He’s Bramtastic.”
“Oh my God,” I exclaim. “You’re just as bad as he is!”
She shrugs.
“Look,” I point out, “you were just threatening him to not even look at me, you were threatening me and Kayla about breaking up the balance of the group. There were a lot of threats. I didn’t want you mad at me or, God forbid, lecture me.”
“I know I said those things,” she says, “but that’s only because I care and I just wanted to warn you. But honestly, you’re like all-aglow and stuff. I haven’t seen you like this in a very long time. I know you’re being careful with him…aren’t you?”
I nod. “Well, I’m not falling in love with him, if that’s what you mean.”
“Good,” she says. “Not that I don’t want you to fall in love, I would just be extra wary with a man who seems pretty good at breaking hearts.” She pauses, watching my face fall. “But that aside…you slept with Bram. My brother-in-law.”
“Yup.”
“So, you were assembling the couch and he just, what, took you right there?”
I laugh. “That’s not so far off. We were underneath the fabric of the couch. You know how IKEA is, you have to put together everything. We were zipping this foam thing to the lining and…I don’t know. Some kind of look passed between us and the next thing I knew, he was kissing me, his hands were everywhere. I was pushed back onto the ground and my shirt was up and he was…it was pretty fucking hot.”
“And, and…?”
I shrug. “And Ava interrupted us.”
“Cockblocker!”
“Steph,” I warn. “That’s my daughter you’re talking about. And yes, she’s a cockblocker.”
“But tell me you at least got to feel what he was packing.”
“I told you I slept with him. Obviously dick was involved.”
“Hashtag dick.”
“And well, when we were fooling around under there, he did, you know, put a few fingers in me.”
“This is so awesome. Give me another beer.”
I pull out an Anchor Steam, pop off the top and slide it on over. I fill her in on the rest, including me texting him and wondering if he was awake.
“So you took control,” she muses. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that. You know, with a man.”
She was right about that. “Well, I initiated it. Once he arrived, he was in control the whole time. And it was nice. He’s a bit rough, you know, a dirty talker too. At least with what I’ve experienced. I don’t think he’s quite as vulgar as Linden.”
“Give it time.”
“Anyway.”
“And you got off right?”
“Fuck yeah. And every time after that.”
“And when does IKEA come into this again?”
I can’t help but smile slyly, looking away. The memory of that moment is seared into my head to the point it’s impossible to shake loose. “We went back to return the couches. When Ava was in daycare, he hauled me into one of the showroom bathrooms…”
“No…” she says, eyes wide.
I nod. “Yeah. He put me up on the sink counter and went down on me.”
“In the store!”
“Yup.”
“And there were people around?”
“There were. I didn’t see any of them until after. Then we got caught.”
“You got caught?” she squeals. Loud. Loud enough that James finally starts walking toward us.
“Steph, you’re so loud!” I hiss at her.
“What’s going on ladies?” James asks, always the nosy one.
“Nothing,” I say quickly.
“Nothing,” Steph adds. “Except that Nicola here is a secret exhibitionist.”
“Steph!”
James looks me up and down. “Are you sure about that?”
“She might start dancing on top of the bar,” Steph adds.
“You can do whatever you want,” he says, “as long as it brings in the customers.” He stares at the both of us for a moment, trying to suss out what’s going on but when we give him nothing, he leaves.
“And with that,” I say to her, “please don’t tell anyone about what happened.”
“I’ll keep my lips shut,” she says. “But obviously I’m telling Linden.”
“No!” I swat at her arm. “You can’t tell him of all people! I don’t want Bram to think I’m flapping my mouth off.”
“Oh, and you don’t think he’s doing the same thing right now? Scoring with the unpenetrable ice queen?”
“Ice queen?” That almost smarts as much as “no fun.”
“You know, that’s what they call any girl who won’t give up their cooch on the first date. You’re like their white whale.”
“Great, a whale.”
“Moby Dick, stupid. Anyway, Linden will know by the time I get home, I guarantee it. And it won’t be on account of me.” She gives me a look. “And you know, it’s fun to share. It’s good for you. I mean, you don’t see me holding back what Linden does in bed.”
“I know,” I grumble. “And I don’t need another recap about what you guys did with the sparkly butt plugs you bought in the Castro, either.”
She shrugs. “I bet Bram is just as much into that kinky shit. And when he shoves his cock in your pussy and a plug up your ass, I guarantee you’re going to call me up and shoot the shit.”