I let out a deep breath and sat down next to him. “I don’t know, either. I don’t think with everything that’s going on I should be getting into something serious. I wasn’t expecting to get a call about cancer the night that I went to your place. I wasn’t expecting us to become friends or make out buddies or whatever this is. But it sort of just happened.”
“I didn’t expect any of this either. Somehow I knew that if I started something with you, there was no way I could stop. Not just because you’re my little brother’s girlfriend’s best friend.” He put his hand on mine and I let him keep it there.
I sighed. “So what are we, then? I’m not ready for anything serious right now with everything else that’s going on.” It was the truth. I couldn’t handle dating anyone when I always felt like my body was broken. The last serious boyfriend I had cheated on me and got me into this cancer mess. I didn’t want to head down the same path again with John. How could I trust that it wouldn’t happen with someone like him?
“Friends? At least for now?” He looked at me with pleading in his eyes.
“Friends.” I nodded. “That sounds good.”
He laced our fingers together. “You have no idea how happy this makes me that you just didn’t kick me out on my ass.”
I laughed. “I actually don’t think I could kick you out. You kind of have the body of an MMA fighter, so I’m sure you could take me.”
“I prefer professional wrestler.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, professional wrestler.”
He stood, letting go of my hand. “So does this mean that this professional wrestler should still be here Wednesday to take you to the doctor?”
“No, Monica’s taking me.” I stood up next to him.
“Monica? You finally told her?”
“Yeah. It was about time.”
A small smile crossed his lips. “That explains why Trey was so persistent on me talking to you. Not that I wouldn’t have anyway, but the dude can convince me to do anything that I’m on the fence about. He’s seriously a politician-in-training.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty convincing.” My shoulders fell. So this wasn’t all John’s doing. He had other influences.
John lifted my chin, forcing our eyes to meet. “Trey may have talked me into it, but I would have found a way to get you back. I sent those messages on my own. He was just the one that told me I should come here. He said face-to-face is better than any technology. And seeing your face does make it all worthwhile.”
I swallowed. Why did he have to say things like that? How was I supposed to just be friends with a guy that made me forget about cancer and feel whole again?
I stepped back. “Well, I’m glad we talked, but I really need to get ready for work.”
He dropped his hands and shoved them in his pockets, looking defeated. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you around then?”
“Yep. See you around.”
Chapter 12
I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the doctor’s appointment. The week moved in slow motion. I spent every minute that I wasn’t in class or working Googling cervical cancer treatments. I wondered what the doctor would have me do. I never really thought too much about my future with marriage and kids, but seeing that one of the treatments was a full removal of my uterus, cervix, and ovaries started to make me really think about it.
“Are you nervous?” Monica looked at me out of the corner of her eye as we pulled out of the parking garage of her apartment building.
“I think nervous is an understatement.” I let out a tense laugh.
“You’re braver than I could ever be.” She put her hand on mine. “I’m glad you finally were able to share this with me. That you’re letting me be here for you during this, just like you were there for me when I needed it the most.”
Monica was raped at her last college and that was why she transferred. Trey was the one who finally got her to report the guy, but I was the one who encouraged her to go back to counseling. She’d been going to group counseling for the past month and I think that, combined with meeting Trey, helped her to finally move on. I’d always be there for her and I shouldn’t have doubted that she would be there when I needed her the most.
“Thanks, Mon. It means a lot to me.” I squeezed her hand.
“You know John Boy talked to Trey. He said that he really wanted to be here with you today.”
I tilted my head. “Well, that’s fine for him to say that, but he doesn’t need to keep feeling sorry for me. I gave him his out. He should just take it and run.”
Monica sighed. “I think he does actually like you, Mel.”
“Then why the hell would he get a lap dance from another girl? Why didn’t he tell me that he wanted to be more than friends when he came to my apartment?” I spat each word like it was venom, harsher than I intended. I guess I had been keeping my thoughts bottled up for so long that they came out pretty badly.
Monica winced before she responded. “I don’t know. I don’t understand how boys think. If I knew that I’d be a millionaire. I just know that he wouldn’t just take any girl to a doctor’s appointment and you’re the first girl that Trey has seen John Boy actually have a friendship with. Not just bang.”
I huffed. “Yeah. Friendship. Because who would want the cancer girl.”
“Will you cut that shit out?”
I looked at Monica full-on. Her jaw was clenched and she gripped the steering wheel. I wasn’t expecting her to lose her cool, but she got my attention.
“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Thinking that this makes you somehow less of a person. You’re still the same girl you always were. It’s not like your appearance suddenly changed and you look like a witch or a leper or something.”
“But what if I have changed? What if the cancer is so bad that I have to have chemotherapy? I’ll wear scarves on my head and need you to wheel me to class because I’ll be too tired to walk myself. And who the hell would want to have sex with the cancer girl? I’ll be alone forever.”
“Mel! Seriously, we haven’t even talked to the doctor yet. You don’t know what she’s going to say. You can’t keep getting down on yourself. If you do need chemo then that’s what you’ll have to do. If I have to wheel you to every class and buy you head scarves, I’ll do it. That’s what best friends do. But I’m not going to sit here and let you feel sorry for yourself. You are going to survive this.”
I blinked back the tears in my eyes. “But what if I don’t?”
Monica pulled into the hospital parking garage and took the first spot she could, putting the car in park before looked at me. A serious glint in her eyes. “Is that what this is? You don’t think you’re going to make it?”
A single tear streamed down my cheek. “It’s scary. Frightening really. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know what the doctor’s going to say and I don’t know what my future is going to hold. If I even have a future for myself or anyone else.”
Monica took both of my hands in hers. “Listen, I can’t say what the doctor is going to tell you. I can’t say if you’ll need chemo or if John Boy will call you again. But I do know this. No matter what happens. I’ll be here for you.”
“Thanks, Mon. I’m glad I have you around.”
“And you always will. Because there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere.”
Monica took a seat in the waiting area while I checked in. I sat next to her, waiting for my turn, trying not to stare at the pregnant teen making out with her tattooed boyfriend.
“This is a nice place. It doesn’t have that doctor’s office feel,” Monica said.