“They’re basically lasering the cancer out.”
“That seems way too simple. Are you sure you heard the doctor right?” I heard the clanking of metal and figured she was either going through my medicine cabinet or my makeup. Valerie didn’t do privacy.
“Yeah. I’m sure they keep the sample they take out and make sure they have all of it and then the doctor will do another biopsy to see if all of the cancer is removed.”
“And what if it’s not?”
I let the water run over my body. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if they didn’t get all of the cancer. It was something I kept putting into the back of my mind. I tried to focus on the feeling of the warm water on my skin instead of thinking about that. “Then the doctor will tell me what to do, I guess.”
“If you don’t want to talk about this, we could just talk about the cute babies you and John would make.”
I laughed, spitting some water out that got into my mouth as I washed my face. “There will be no Melanie and John babies.”
“I’d make his babies. Lord, I don’t know how you keep your hands off those abs. He had like a freaking eight pack.”
Truth was, I’d thought more about babies than a nineteen-year-old without an actual steady boyfriend should think about. I wondered if there was even a chance for children in my future. Up until last night I didn’t even think I’d want to have any sexual contact with someone again. Even if it was only his hand. John was everything I wanted physically in a guy and he made my sex drive run wild, but that wasn’t what I needed. I had to stop kidding myself. Fooling around with the hot guy wasn’t going to fix me.
“When’s Mom coming in?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“I don’t know. I guess she was working this morning or something.”
I finished washing my hair and then turned off the water, pulling my towel from the shower rod. “Isn’t she always working?”
“Well, yeah, you know Dad left her with shit. What else is she supposed to do?”
I dried my hair and body and wrapped the towel around me before I opened the shower curtain. As I suspected, Valerie was staring at herself in the mirror, putting on one of my lip glosses.
“Is this why we have such fucked up relationships with men?”
Valerie blinked at her reflection in the mirror and then put the lip gloss down. She turned toward me, her eyes serious. “Your relationships are what you make of them, Mel. We can’t just blame everything on our parents’ mistakes. Mom and Dad may be fucked up, but that doesn’t mean we have to be.” She leaned on the sink behind her. “I mean, look at you. You have your own apartment, a job, and you’re practically paying for college on your own. You’re the exact opposite of Mom. You don’t need to depend on a guy to save you. When Robby left you didn’t just fall apart. You moved on. Mom cried for weeks when Dad left and she almost lost her job. It took everything she had to finally go back to work.”
I shook my head. “That can’t be true.”
Valerie rolled her eyes. “I don’t know if you just didn’t notice because you were too busy doing your own thing, but Mom was a freaking wreck. She called me every single day while you were at school and I wasn’t in class. I told her that it was your last year of high school and she needed to buck up for you, and eventually she did, but I really thought you would have seen it since you were living with her.”
I didn’t. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t want to be anywhere that wasn’t with Robby or work. The only good thing that came out of that was that I saved up enough to help with college expenses. But now I just felt like the most insensitive daughter in the world.
“I really didn’t know,” I whispered.
Valerie took a step closer and put her hand on my wet shoulder. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. You weren’t supposed to be the one to save her. It was her cross to bear and she survived.”
Mom was broken and was able to be saved. Hopefully I would be able to do the same. And then it was as if she heard us talking about her, because a knock came at the door.
“I’ll get it.” Valerie turned and walked out of the bathroom, of course still leaving the door wide open while I was standing there in my towel. Luckily it really was my mom at the door and not some maintenance dude.
“Good morning.” Mom was carrying a drink tray with three iced coffees and another small brown bag, while dragging her suitcase behind her. Mom had to go back to work after my surgery so she wanted to come in a few days early to help out with anything. Then she’d be back for Thanksgiving. Valerie took the week off of work. I guess she had plenty of vacation time and not enough money to take a real vacation.
“Morning, Mom.” Val leaned in and kissed Mom on the cheek before Mom closed the door behind her. There were only a few feet between the front door and the bathroom, so I could actually get a really good look at my mom. She had dark circles under her eyes and her roots definitely needed a touch up. But she still had a smile on her face. She never stopped smiling, even when her life was falling apart.
“Hey, Val. Hey, Melanie.” Mom stopped at the bathroom door. “Ready for breakfast?”
Chapter 16
It was the longest weekend of my entire life. Not to mention that I had my sister sleeping on my couch and my Mom sleeping on an air mattress on the floor, so my apartment felt even smaller than it already was.
But it was better to have people there instead of being alone. Well, I might not have been alone if John had anything to do with it, but cuddling with John was not an option.
I stared out the window of my mom’s car as we pulled into the emergency room entrance. I was too shocked to even ask the doctor what might happen afterward. If there was any risk that I wouldn’t survive the procedure.
A bored looking nurse sat behind the desk and barely glanced up as we entered. I expected to see more bloodied and beat up people waiting around, but the room was surprisingly empty.
“Hi, I’m Melanie Wilder, I’m here to check in for surgery.”
“Do you have your ID and insurance card?” The woman didn’t even look up from her computer.
I pulled the cards from my wallet and handed them to her. She made a copy of both items and sat back down at the computer. “Okay, it looks like we have you set up with Dr. Rodriguez. A nurse will be with you shortly to get you prepped for surgery.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
I took a seat with Mom and Valerie in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting area. There wasn’t a single magazine that was newer than six months old and some boring infomercial on the TV. So I sat and let my mind wander. John wasn’t there. I told myself that he would probably show up later, but part of me thought he wouldn’t come at all. That he finally realized this was all a mistake. I knew I couldn’t worry about John, but he was still on my mind. It was easier to worry about a guy ditching me than to think about what would happen if this procedure wasn’t successful.
When the doors swung open in the lobby, I thought maybe it was John coming in, but instead it was a limping guy on the arm of his wife. I let out a deep breath after they walked to the desk.
“Looking for someone?” Valerie leaned over.
“No. Well, Monica said she’d come by, but she may have meant to my apartment afterward.” Monica did say that she wanted to be there for my surgery, but I didn’t expect her to be.
“Uh huh, and is Monica over six feet tall and looks like she just walked off a body building set?” Valerie raised her eyebrows.
Mom looked over Valerie’s shoulder. “Is everything all right over here? Are we waiting for someone else?”