“I’m impressed you fit all this in your bookbag,” Rupert said.
“I bewitched it to hold everything.”
“You bewitched it?” Rupert said.
Witchling Two stuck two cream-soda-flavored lollipops in her mouth. “I did… or Nebby.”
“So it was Nebby then?”
Witchling Two smiled guiltily.
Rupert sat down on an old, worn chair and folded his legs so that he was cross-legged. “Okay,” he said. “Welcome to magic boot camp.”
“Camp?” Witchling Two said eagerly, jumping on a sofa chair next to Rupert.
“Yes, camp.”
“Are you my counselor?”
“Sure,” Rupert said. “Now first order of busi—”
“Will there be s’mores? And roasted marshmallows? And campfire songs? And—”
“Only if you focus and show signs of improvement.”
Witchling Two clamped a hand over her mouth and nodded vigorously.
“Pass me your textbook,” Rupert said. He started with potions because that was her best subject. If he could just get her confident about her magical abilities then maybe — just maybe — she’d be able to perform a spell right.
He asked her about potion ingredients, how long to brew particular potions, which potions are best for which occasion, and what sorts of potions are legally acceptable to use on other witches. She aced question after question, and the smile on her face grew wider and wider. Finally, Rupert realized that they needed to move on and practice something she wasn’t so comfortable with.
“Okay, now let’s practice for your WHAT,” Rupert said.
“WHATs.”
“What?”
“WHATs.”
Rupert scratched his head. “Haven’t we already had this conversation?”
“Perhaps,” said Witchling Two. “Ask away, Mr. Counselor. I want my ’mallows!”
Rupert thumbed through the pages. He stopped almost immediately when a question caught his eye.
He passed the book to Witchling Two and they stared at it together:
A human is found wandering the Witches Council lair. What do we do with him?
A. Boil his toes.
B. Broil his foes.
C. Soil his clothes.
D. Oil his nose.
Witchling Two hummed. “Umm… is it D?”
“No, sorry, A.”
“Ooh, so close! That was my fourth pick after D, C, and then B.”
“Let’s try another one,” Rupert said.
Historically, witches were drawn to the town of Gliverstoll in particular because…
A. We heard rumors that the area was full of fruitful potion ingredients.
B. We wanted to build our tower on the highest known peak in the world.
C. The Earth called out to us, and we felt our magic surge.
D. We felt it would be pretty to live by the ocean.
“I know this one!” Rupert said. “Which means, you must know it, too.”
“I must?”
“You told me the other day,” Rupert said. “Remember? When we made hot chocolate?”
“Oh, yes!” Witchling Two said. She scratched her head. “Ummm…” Rupert handed her a pencil, and she chewed on the eraser. Then she flung it over her shoulder and grabbed another pencil. She chewed and discarded, chewed and discarded. She ate five erasers before Rupert stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder.
“You can do this. I know you know it. You’re just scaring yourself. When you’re looking at these questions, just pretend you’re talking to me. Now, I just asked you about the history of Gliverstoll, and you say—”
“C.”
“Yes!”
“I GOT ONE! I GOT ONE!” she shouted, throwing a handful of lollipops into the air like confetti. She pointed at A. “See that? Answer A explains why some of the witches went to Foxbury. And answer B shows why some of the witches went to Harkshire. The ancient witches were split three ways, you see, so we divided. But I still think that Gliverstoll holds all the most powerful witches. The Fairfoul Witch is the most feared and mighty of all the witches in every town. I mean, witchlings from Foxbury and Harkshire even come here to become Bar Exam certified witches. Gliverstoll is a big deal.”
“Huh,” Rupert said. He thought of all the places that didn’t have witches — like Butterly, where his aunt and uncle lived. “And why didn’t the witches go anywhere else? Why didn’t they go to Butterly, for example?”
The witchling crinkled her nose. “Butterly! What in the world is in Butterly?”
Rupert shrugged.
“Well, like this question says, there was something about Gliverstoll that made us stronger and made our magic sharper. We all would have stayed here, but the other witches were just a stubborn pack of coots who were determined to go to Foxbury to pick up potions materials in the forest there. But then, all the witches in Foxbury began to fight, and so a group of them broke off and settled on top of the tallest peak in Harkshire. But they’re just satellite colonies. Smaller and less powerful. Always looking to us for help.”
“That must feel good — being part of the most powerful pack of witches.”
“Sure!” Witchling Two said. “But I think it’d feel better if I actually became a real witch. I’m starting to get very nervous!”
“Okay, let’s focus,” Rupert said. He looked down at the textbook and read aloud.
According to witch customs, the appropriate first response to a duel request is…
A. Throw down white gloves.
B. Bow with your head hanging low.
C. Say, “I wholeheartedly and honorably accept your request, by the names of past witches long fallen and forgotten.”
D. Shake your booty.
“B?” Witchling Two said.
Rupert looked at the answer key. “No, it’s D… but that seems so odd.”
Witchling Two scratched her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a duel in my entire life. They happened, like, a gorilla years ago.”
Rupert flipped the book to the copyright page. “No wonder — this book is two hundred years old! These questions must be ancient.”
“Maybe that’s why I’m getting so many wrong,” she said glumly.
“If only we could get our hands on some more recent questions,” Rupert said. “Then we’d know what sort of stuff they ask nowadays.”
Witchling Two jumped up and began to giggle like a maniac. When she finally calmed down she sunk into her seat again and grinned. “Rupert, I’m thinking about something dangerous — something really risky.” She put her mug on the table and looked at him with a glint of naughtiness in her eyes. “The witches have these files where they keep some of the old exams. What if we… took a peek? Just to see what the questions are like nowadays.”
“That’s not cheating, right?” Rupert said.
Witchling Two gasped. “On my honor, I would never! These questions are from past exams, Rupert, not the present one. It’s like retrieving a study guide. If I’m going to pass this exam, I need to know what they’ve asked more recently than two hundred years ago, don’t you think?”
Rupert nodded. “It would be helpful. But what does looking at these exams involve?”
“Sneaking into the Witches Council lair and read-ing through files that you — a human — and I — a witchling — are both forbidden to see.”
“And if we get caught? Didn’t that WHATs question just say that the punishment for humans wandering the witches lair is boiling my toes?”