“Or the devil incarnate.” I grinned at him, and he chuckled.
“So tell me what got you looking like your whole world ended.”
“I don’t look that bad, do I?” I made a face, and he shook his head.
“To most of the world, I’m sure you look just fine. Maybe better than fine. But to those of us who love you, you look lost.”
“I met someone in Palm Bonita.” I made a face. “Crazy, right? She was beautiful and sassy and we started dating and at first everything was perfect.”
“What changed?”
“She wasn’t the person I thought she was.”
“She broke your heart?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Not in the way that you think, though.” I sighed and bit my lip before continuing. “I’ve never really been in love. Or I should say, felt love. I’ve always had Zane and loved him, but I’ve never had another person reach that spot in my heart. And in Palm Bonita that changed. I felt an overwhelming and heart-stopping love, and I had to walk away from it, and I’m crushed. And there was nothing I could do. I’ve never felt so hopeless.”
“There’s nothing you can do?”
“Not legally.”
“That’s why you wanted me to contact my son, huh? You’ve got a big heart.” Sidney stared at me, and he looked thoughtful. I had a feeling he understood my vague comments better than I did. It was uncanny how he always seemed to understand what I was thinking or saying without me being very clear.
“Big hearts don’t always get you everywhere.”
“Everyone’s not perfect, Noah.” He leaned towards me. “And not everyone has a big heart. You’re the exception and not the rule, even though I wish that wasn’t true.” He paused, and gave me a look. “But you’re not God, Noah. You can’t protect everyone.”
“You want me to tell Zane.” I sighed.
“He has a right to know. You can’t just hide that from him.”
“You just don’t understand. I think he’ll be devastated if he learns the truth. Growing up, he had so many issues and so much hatred towards our mom. And I just don’t want to see him go through any more unnecessary pain.”
“You can’t not tell him because you’re afraid of how it will affect him. He’s a big boy.”
“I don’t want him to feel any differently about me, either.” I made a face. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want our relationship to change.”
“It’s not your fault, Noah. He’s not going to blame you.”
“It changes everything.”
“It changes nothing.”
“It’s a life-changing piece of information.” I took a deep breath.
“Have you spoken to your mom?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I can’t respect her for what she did.”
“Can’t you forgive her?”
“She wants nothing to do with Zane.” I almost whispered the words. “I don’t know how she can distance herself like that.”
“Love is a funny thing.”
“I can’t accept it.” I shook my head vehemently. “I’ve witnessed first-hand the devastation that comes from not being wanted.”
“It’s a cruel thing to do to a child.”
“I won’t lose two people to that sort of devastation. I don’t want be a witness to two people being heartbroken from the pain and rejection of two people that should love them.” I jumped up as I saw Lucky and Betty approaching the door. “Need any help, ladies?”
“We’re fine, thank you.” Lucky smiled at me gratefully as she walked into the room. She placed the teapot on the table and Betty followed behind her with a tray of cups and saucers. She gasped quickly and rubbed her belly in amazement and I stared at her with a worried expression.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s great. I think I just felt the babies kick for the first time. Come.” She motioned me over to her and grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach. “Let’s see if they do it again.” I stood there waiting for a few moments, but nothing happened. I let go of her stomach, slightly disappointed, and Sidney gave me a look.
“It’s a good thing them babies didn’t kick again, you know how disappointed their papa would have been if he would have heard that news.”
“He’d kill me.” I laughed. “After everything that has happened, this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“You don’t want to break the camel’s back.” Betty poured the tea and handed me a cup. “Not when the camel just started walking again.”
“Zane’s not that crazy.” Lucky shook her head at the offer of a teacup. “I’ll just have water, thanks, Betty.”
“He’s not. But it’s a special moment. I’m sure he’d like to be the first to feel his babies kick.”
“Yeah.” Lucky blushed. “About that, I think I was mistaken.” She giggled. “I think I had gas.”
“Really?” I laughed as a tide of red covered her face.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I think it’s too early for the babies to be kicking. I’ll have to check with the doctor. I’m pretty sure what I felt wasn’t a kick.” She groaned. “Do not tell Zane, please. He’ll never let me live this down.”
“Okay.” I smiled at her and ruffled her hair. “You owe me one.”
“Now, children, are we going to talk about our documentary? Are all systems go now?” Sidney interrupted us and raised an eyebrow at me. “I’ve told my whole family about this film, and everyone in Chicago is waiting to see my ugly mug on the screen.”
“You’re not ugly, Sidney,” Lucky protested while Betty rolled her eyes.
“Don’t play into his act, Lucky.” She sat down next to me and handed me a plate with an assortment of cookies. I took a piece of shortbread and she nodded at me encouragingly to take another piece. “You’re a growing boy, Noah. Another piece of shortbread won’t stay on your hips like it does mine.”
“What about me?” Sidney frowned and leaned forward to grab a cookie.
“You don’t need any cookies.” Betty glared at him. “Think of your cholesterol. You know what Dr. Rothstein said.”
“Dr. Rothstein doesn’t know everything.” Sidney sat back and looked at me with a ‘Well, this sucks’ face.
“He knows more than you do.” Betty scolded him. “And he told you to stay away from cookies, cakes, fried dishes—”
“Yeah, yeah.” He turned towards me. “So, I was thinking that it would be cool if you featured my other wife as well.”
“Excuse me?” I looked at him in confusion.
“I thought you could include my other wife in the documentary.”
“What other wife?” I looked at Betty, who was mumbling under her breath.
“The one I’m going to marry once I divorce Betty for not allowing me to eat the things I enjoy.” Sidney laughed, and Betty shook her head at him.
“I swear, Sidney Johnson, you’re just like a little boy.”
“Well, what do you expect if you keep mothering me?” He rolled his eyes.
“I wouldn’t mother you if you acted your age and listened to the doctor.”
“Doctors don’t always get it right. Didn’t I tell you how they cut off Louis’s right leg instead of his left because the doctor read the chart wrong? Now instead of only having one leg, he has none. And whose fault was that?” Sidney’s voice rose. “Not Louis’s, I’ll tell you that.”
“Well, it was Louis’s fault that he let his diabetes get so bad that he needed to have any leg cut off.” Betty responded back to him with a stern look, and Lucky and I exchanged a quick smile at their banter. I decided to interrupt the conversation because I had a feeling that it was only going to escalate if I didn’t.
“So, I was thinking that the focus of the documentary could be about identity.” I paused and realized that everyone was staring at me in interest. “Originally, the focus of this documentary was going to be on race and the civil rights movement, but I’ve been thinking and I want to expand our subject matter. Let’s be honest, our current audience is limited. Race is a sensitive subject, and not everyone can relate. Or, let’s be honest, not everyone wants to relate. I want people to understand that we’re all in this together. We all have issues related to poverty and identity and we’ve all faced them in different ways.”