“That’s what we’re counting on.” He stared at me with blank eyes. “You cannot tell him.”
“You don’t understand. It’s always been us. We don’t have a mother, our father doesn’t care about us. And Zane, well, he’s already closed off. I can’t just leave and not have him know. He won’t stop searching for me.”
“Then you’ll die.” He nodded and took out a pad. “That’s probably the better idea anyway.”
“Die?” I shrunk back and shivered. “I don’t think Braydon knows that I heard anything. Do you think they’re going to put a hit out on me?”
“I don’t mean that Sanchez is going to kill you.” He looked up at me and sighed. “I mean we’ll fake your death. It should motivate your brother to help us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, he’s in that crowd as well. He knows Braydon, Angelique, and the others. I’ll approach him at the funeral and see if he can help me.”
“I don’t want him involved.” I shook my head. “If you need help, I can do it.”
“No.” He shook his head vehemently. “They’ll suspect you too easily. We need someone else.”
“I don’t want Zane involved in this.” I stood up. “Sorry, but I’m not interested in helping anymore.”
“Stop.” His voice was commanding, and I paused as I walked to the door. “It’s not safe for you or anyone else. We need to get these guys, Noah. I know that you know how dangerous they are. That’s why you came to us.”
“I can’t just disappear, though.”
“It won’t be forever.” He sighed. “We’ll have you disappear in a small town I know. Stay low and you’ll be safe. Unless you change your mind about witness protection.”
“No, I’m not going forever.” I bit my lip. “I don’t understand why you can’t call Zane and ask him to come in now. We can tell him the plan. He can still help us.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I can’t risk him slipping up. If he thinks you’re dead, and he thinks Braydon is responsible, he’ll do more. He’ll go looking for the truth. We need that.”
“You don’t know what he’ll do.”
“We’re pretty sure.” He smiled at me, tight-lipped, and I looked at the folders on his desk. I saw one with my name and underneath it I saw a label that said “Zane Beaumont.” I shivered as I realized that they must have been investigating both of us.
“So what’s in the files?” I nodded towards his desk with a frown.
“Everything that exists outside of your minds.” He shrugged. “I like to know who I’m dealing with.”
“That explains the file about me, but not about Zane.”
“What can I say? I had a feeling he was going to be helpful.”
“I don’t want to go away without telling my brother.” I shook my head. “I can’t that to him. I can’t involve him in something this deep without him knowing the truth.”
“You don’t have a choice, Noah. Sometimes when you love someone, the best thing you can do is keep them in the dark. Loving someone doesn’t always mean telling them everything. It means knowing when it’s best to keep your mouth shut and when it’s best to open it. And this is the time to keep it shut—that is, if you love your brother as much as you say you do.”
“I still want to know about Mom.” Zane cleared his throat. “I’m not going to push it right now, but I still want to know.” His voice was light.
“You’ve changed.” I cocked my head and studied him. “You’re calmer than you were before. I was expecting you to put me in a headlock to get an answer.”
“That’s coming if you don’t give me an answer tomorrow.” He grinned at me.
“I’m not keeping it to myself because I want to. Trust me.” I made a face. “Just like I didn’t leave and not tell you because I wanted to keep you in the dark.”
“How could you do it?” He peered at me with hurt eyes. “I would never do that to you. I could never just leave and have you think I’m dead.”
“I didn’t want to just leave.” I sighed. “It’s always just been us. I begged to be able to tell you. But Special Agent Waldron convinced me that it was in your best interest for me to not tell you.”
“I know you didn’t do it to hurt me.” He sat on my bed and played with his fingers. “Don’t hate me, but I am kind of glad that you didn’t tell me. I know it sounds twisted. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if it wasn’t for you going away, I would never have met Lucky. And I don’t know what my life would be like if I didn’t have her in my life. Do I sound like a complete asshole?” He looked up at me with a twisted smile. “Am I the world’s worst brother?”
“No.” I laughed lightheartedly. “In fact, it makes you human and very honest.”
“I love her so much, you know.” He made a face. “It hurts me to be away from her. Like I feel a physical pain. It’s crazy.”
“That’s love. It provides as much joy as it does pain.”
“She really hurt you, didn’t she?”
“Not in the way that you think.” I paced in front of the bed. “It’s funny, our roles are reversed now. I used to be the one that believed in happy endings, and you were the one with the tortured soul.”
“You have a tortured soul? What happened to the rainbows and shit you spouted about when we were growing up?”
“I was living in a daydream. Love isn’t always wonderful and flowery. It can be deep, dark, and persevering. It’s about accepting the bad with the good. It’s about everything we give, get, and forget. We all know the bright side of love as it shines luminously for all to see. But the other side of love, the other side can be a lonely, solitary place. I know that now.”
“You ever going to tell me what she did to make you so bitter?”
“Who?” I looked up at him with a bleak smile. “Which she?”
“There’s more than one woman who has broken your heart?”
“There’s more than one woman who has made me doubt the human race.” I walked over to the closet so that Zane couldn’t see my face. “But let’s not focus on that. I’d rather hear how Lucky has made you believe in love. And then I want to go and hold her tight and ask her if she can introduce me to her God.”
“Her God?” Zane’s voice sounded confused and I turned around and gave him a smile.
“The God that allowed the two of you to experience the beauty of life and love.”
“I’m worried about you, Noah.” He jumped up and walked to me slowly before stopping and running his hands through his hair. “You sound like you’ve turned into Plato or Aristotle or something.”
“I prefer to think of myself as Camus.” I grinned.
“Camus?”
“Albert Camus.” I shook my head. “Oh, big brother of mine. I knew I was smarter than you.”
“I can still beat you up, you know.” Zane laughed and walked towards the door. “You come talk to me when you’re ready to talk.” He paused by the door and looked back at me. “About anything. I’m not going to push you about Mom. I’ve learned how to be patient this last year.”
“Thanks.” I nodded gratefully. “I will.”
“I’ll tell Lucky to hold back as well.”
“That’s okay.” I shook my head. “I know she just cares about you. I don’t want her to think I’m some sort of asshole. It was really hard, you know, to walk away from you and not be able to tell you. Everything in my life seems to be insignificant up until that point. I just want a fresh start now. I want to start a new life, one that isn’t haunted with memories of what has happened since I left.”