“I will do what I can to help.” He paused and looked back at me. “She cares about you, as well you know. If she asks or holds back, it’s because she wants to be a part of your life.”
“I know. I wish I’d met her first.” I joked, and he came back and punched me lightly in the shoulder.
“I’m glad you didn’t.” He laughed, his eyes sparkling. “I’m not sure I would have gotten her if I had to compete with you.”
“We should go jam.” I said, feeling lighthearted. I had missed Zane, really missed him, and I just wanted to be around him and enjoy his company without the pressure of having to have a serious talk.
“You want to?” Zane’s eyes looked up and he grinned. “No Beatles, though.”
“That’s a deal.” I nodded and turned my face away from him. A jab of pain shot through me as I remembered always trying to get him to play and listen to The Beatles. It was one of our only links to our mother, and I wanted to remember every little thing about her. I had tried so hard to get Zane to get rid of his bitterness and hurt. As a child, I knew that one day she would come back to us. I had known it in my heart. She loved us more than life itself. What mother doesn’t love her sons? Something bad had to have happened for her to desert us.
“That was easy.” He looked at me with a question in his eyes. I knew what he wanted to know. He had so many questions and I didn’t really have any satisfactory answers. I was in a tough spot, one I didn’t know how to get out of. I either kept the truth to myself or told him everything I knew. He would eventually resent me and hate me either way. But I’d rather have him hate me than have him hate himself.
I knew what it was like to hate yourself and I didn’t want him to suffer from the same self-inflicted pain that I was. Not if he didn’t have to.
Chapter 4
“I wish that I could see you every day.” Skylar played with my fingers. “And that we lived in the same house.”
“That would be nice.” I nodded and stroked her hair, a feeling of love washing over me. I stared at her face and wondered at the feeling that filled me when I saw her. I’d never experienced this feeling of protectiveness before. It scared me and I was worried that we were getting too close.
“You could move into my house.” She looked up at me hopefully and I shook my head.
“I don’t think so.” I laughed.
“Why not?”
“Because I have to live in my apartment.”
“But you sleep over at my house. You can just always sleep over and never leave.”
“I’m not sure that would work out well.” I smiled at her sadly. I didn’t want to tell her that it was getting harder and harder for me to go over to her house. That in fact, some days I dreaded going over, but I wanted to make sure that she was okay, so I sucked it up.
“One day we can live together.” She nodded to herself. “And you can take care of me.”
“You’d like that would you?” I laughed at her eager expression.
“I’d love that.” She jumped up and down. “I’d be the happiest girl in the world. The very happiest. There would be no other girl in the world as happy as me.”
“Do you want to play a game?” I nodded at the board games on the table. I needed to change the subject. All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with emotion and I couldn’t continue the conversation anymore. I felt like I was leading her on to think that her dreams were a possibility. I didn’t know how to explain to her that it would never happen. It could never happen. No matter how much I wanted it as well. She had her own family and they were going to make sure that that never happened. They didn’t care how much they hurt her. And I couldn’t do anything about it because I’d already revealed too much information. I’d been stupid and said too much and I knew that if I reported what was going on, I would be putting Zane in jeopardy.
“I guess so.” She sat back and played with her hair. Her eyes moved away from me and she stared at the floor with a vacant stare. I had no idea what she was thinking about but I had a couple of ideas and it broke my heart to see her in so much pain. But there was nothing I could do to take it away. And that broke my heart into a million pieces.
“Are you nervous?” Lucky turned to me when we pulled into the Johnsons’ driveway.
“It does feel like a bit of a first date.” I laughed. “I have butterflies in my stomach that are dying to break out.”
“I didn’t know that guys got nerves as well,” she said and then laughed along with me.
“Oh, trust me. We get nerves, all right.”
“Are you worried about what they’ll say?” Lucky gave me a concerned look. “I’m sure they’ll just be happy to see you. And Sidney knew you were not really dead, so he shouldn’t be mad at you, right?”
“He won’t be mad about that. He won’t be mad about anything, really. I know he’s disappointed in me for not telling Zane everything about, well, you know, but he’s not mad at me. He understands.” I jumped out of the car. “Sidney is like a dad to me, a dad and a best friend. It’s hard to explain.”
“No, I understand. He’s a good guy.” Lucky nodded. “I’m very fond of him myself.”
“I feel like he’s a kindred spirit, you know?” I looked into her earnest brown eyes and I could see why my brother loved her so much. “He’s been through hell and back in his life and he’s not bitter. I want to learn from him. This documentary has served as a learning and educational experience in more ways than one.”
“It makes me want to cry when he tells me what he went through.” Lucky gave me a weak smile and there were tears in her eyes. “I don’t understand how people can hate others that much.”
“I think it was fear more than hate.” I thought for a moment. “Or fear that simmered and became hate. I don’t really understand how people can hurt others, without being affected themselves. It must take a really coldhearted person to hurt someone they should love.” My words drifted off as I realized I had gotten off topic.
“Yeah.” Lucky looked over at me with questioning eyes. “Hate is a weird emotion. And what it leads people to do. I couldn’t even imagine not having access to to school or to teachers. It just seems unfathomable.”
“Or being spat upon and tormented mercilessly day by day.” I continued her thoughts. “Though it happens today to many children. Too many children are abused mentally, emotionally and physically.”
“I know, I guess they are all just bullies.” Lucky looked disgusted. “People can be really disgusting sometimes.”
“Yes. The targets just change.” I sighed and tried to clear my thoughts. Now was not the time for me to start thinking about Palm Bonita. “But let’s not dwell on the sad right now. Though you’ve given me a good idea. Maybe we can work on a video that talks about the similarities between racism during the times of integration and bullying in schools in modern-day America.”
“That’s a brilliant idea.” Lucky’s eyes blazed with excitement. “I hadn’t even thought of that, but it sounds like an awesome premise.” She reached over and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I’m so glad you’re back, Noah.”