Pinero beamed, "True, and clever, my friend. But you have pushed the analogy too far. It is not done in the precise manner in which one measures the length of an electrical conductor. In some ways it is more like measuring the length of a long corridor by bouncing an echo off the far end. At birth there is a sort of twist in the corridor, and, by proper calibration, I can detect the echo from that twist. There is just one case in which I can get no determinant reading; when a woman is actually carrying a child, I can't sort out her life-line from that of the unborn infant."
"Let's see you prove it."
"Certainly, my dear friend. Will you be a subject?"
One of the others spoke up. "He's called your bluff, Luke. Put up, or shut up."
"I'm game. What do I do?"
"First write the date of your birth on a sheet of paper, and hand it to one of your colleagues."
Luke complied. "Now what?"
"Remove your outer clothing and step upon these scales. Now tell me, were you ever very much thinner, or very much fatter, than you are now. No? What did you weigh at birth? Ten pounds? A fine bouncing baby boy. They don't come so big any more."
"What is all this flubdubbery?"
"I am trying to approximate the average cross-section of our long pink conductor, my dear Luke. Now will you seat yourself here. Then place this electrode in your mouth. No, it will not hurt you; the voltage is quite low, less than one micro-volt, but I must have a good connection." The doctor left him and went behind his apparatus, where he lowered a hood over his head before touching his controls. Some of the exposed dials came to life and a low humming came from the machine. It stopped and the doctor popped out of his little hide-away.
"I get sometime in February, nineteen-twelve. Who has the piece of paper with the date?"
It was produced and unfolded. The custodian read, "February 22nd, 1912."
The stillness that followed was broken by a voice from the edge of the little group. "Doe, can I have another drink?"
The tension relaxed, and several spoke at once, "Try it on me, doe." "Me first, doe, I'm an orphan and really want to know." "How about it, doe. Give us all a little loose play."
He smilingly complied, ducking in and out of the hood like a gopher from its hole. When they all had twin slips of paper to prove the doctor's skill, Luke broke a long silence.
"How about showing how you predict death, Pinero."
"If you wish. Who will try it?"
No one answered. Several of them nudged Luke forward. "Go ahead, smart guy. You asked for it." He allowed himself to be seated in the chair. Pinero changed some of the switches, then entered the hood. When the humming ceased, he came out, rubbing his hands briskly together.
"Well, that's all there is to see, boys. Got enough for a story?"
"Hey, what about the prediction? When does Luke get his 'thirty'?"
Luke faced him. "Yes, how about it? What's your answer?"
Pinero looked pained. "Gentlemen, I am surprised at you. I give that information for a fee. Besides, it is a professional confidence. I never tell anyone but the client who consults me."
"I don't mind. Go ahead and tell them."
"I am very sorry. I really must refuse. I agreed only to show you how, not to give the results."
Luke ground the butt of his cigarette into the floor. "It's a hoax, boys. He probably looked up the age of every reporter in town just to be ready to pull this. It won't wash, Pinero."
Pinero gazed at him sadly. "Are you married, my friend?"
"Do you have any one dependent on you? Any close relatives?"
"No. WHY, do you want to adopt me?"
Pinero shook his head sadly. "I am very sorry for you, my dear Luke. You will die before tomorrow."
"SCIENCE MEET ENDS IN RIOT"
"SAVANTS SAPS SAYS SEER"
"DEATH PUNCHES TIMECLOCK"
"SCRIBE DIES PER DOC'S DOPE"
"HOAX' CLAIMS SCIENCE HEAD"
"... within twenty minutes of Pinero's strange prediction, Timons was struck by a falling sign while walking down Broadway toward the offices of the Daily Herald where he was employed.
"Doctor Pinero declined to comment but confirmed the story that he had predicted Timons' death by means of his so-called chronovitameter. Chief of Police Roy..."
Does the FUTURE worry You????????
Don't waste money on fortune tellers -
Consult Doctor Hugo Pinero, Bio-Consultant
to help you plan for the future by
infallible scientific methods.
No Hocus-Pocus. No "Spirit" Messages.
$10,000 Bond posted in forfeit to back
our predictions. Circular on request.
SANDS of TIME, Inc.
Majestic Bldg., Suite 700
(adv.)
- Legal Notice
To whom it may concern, greetings; I, John Cabot Winthrop III, of the firm Winthrop, Winthrop, Ditmars & Winthrop, Attorneys-at-Law, do affirm that Hugo Pinero of this city did hand to me ten thousand dollars in lawful money of the United States, and instruct me to place it in escrow with a chartered bank of my selection with escrow instructions as follows:.
The entire bond shall be forfeit, and shall forthwith be paid to the first client of Hugo Pinero and/or Sands of Time, Inc. who shall exceed his life tenure as predicted by Hugo Pinero by one per centurn, or to the estate of the first client who shall fail of such predicted tenure in a like amount, whichever occurs first in point of time.
I do further affirm that I have this day placed this bond in escrow with the above related instructions with the Equitable-First National Bank of this city.
Subscribed--and sworn,
John Cabot Winthrop Ill
Subscribed and sworn to before me
this 2nd day of April, 1951.
Albert M. Swanson
Notary Public in and for this county and state
My commission expires June 17, 1951.
"Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Radio Audience, let's go to Press! Flash! Hugo Pinero, The Miracle Man from Nowhere, has made his thousandth death prediction without a claimant for the reward he posted for anyone who catches him failing to call the turn. With thirteen of his clients already dead it is mathematically certain that - he has a private line to the main office of the Old Man with the Scythe. That is one piece of news I don't want to know before it happens. Your Coast-to-Coast Correspondent will not be a client of Prophet Pinero..."
The judge's watery baritone cut through the stale air of the courtroom. "Please, Mr. Weeds, let us return to our muttons. This court granted your prayer for a temporary restraining order, and now you ask that it be made permanent. In rebuttal, Mr. Pinero claims that you have presented no cause and asks that the injunction be lifted, and that I order your client to cease from attempts to interfere with what Pinero describes as a simple - lawful business. As you are not addressing a jury, please omit the rhetoric and tell me in plain language why I should not grant his prayer."
Mr. Weeds jerked his chin nervously, making his flabby Grey dewlap drag across his high stiff collar, and resumed:
"May it please the honorable court, I represent the public-"
"Just a moment. I thought you were appearing for Amalgamated Life Insurance."
"I am, Your Honor, in a formal sense. In a wider sense I represent several other major assurance, fiduciary, and financial institutions; their stockholders, and policy holders, who constitute a majority of the citizenry. In addition we feel that we protect the interests of the entire population; unorganized, inarticulate, and otherwise unprotected."
"I thought that I represented the public," observed the judge dryly. "I am afraid I must regard you as appearing for your client-of-record. But continue; what is your thesis?"