All this was a shocking and upsetting peek, of course, but even more shocking and upsetting was what the children saw when they returned their gaze to the concierge desk. For sitting at either end, with their elbows on the pile of evidence, were two villains at whom the children had hoped very much they would never get a peek again, villains of such wickedness that it is far too shocking and upsetting for me to write down their names. I can only describe them as the man with a beard, but no hair, and the woman with hair, but no beard, but to the Baudelaire orphans, these two villainous judges were another peek at the wicked way of the world.
CHAPTER Twelve
The man with a beard but no hair stood up from the concierge desk, his knees bumping against the little bells that had sent the Baudelaire orphans on their errands. The woman with hair but no beard pointed a finger at the three children that looked as crooked as she was. The finger had been broken long ago, in a dispute over a game of backgammon, which is another story that would take at least thirteen books to describe, but in the Baudelaires' story the finger only made this brief appearance as it pointed at the children in alarm.
"The Baudelaires have taken off their blindfolds!" cried the villainous woman in her low, deep voice.
"Yes!" agreed the villainous man, in his hoarse voice. "They're guilty of contempt of court!"
"We certainly are," Violet agreed fiercely. "This court is worthless and dishonorable!"
"Two of the judges are notorious villains," Klaus announced over the gasps of the crowd.
"Peek!" Sunny cried.
"Nobody peek!" ordered the man with a beard but no hair. "Anyone who peeks will be turned over to the authorities!"
"Take off your blindfolds!" Violet begged the crowd. "Count Olaf is kidnapping Justice Strauss this very moment!"
"Hmm!" cried Justice Strauss in agreement, from behind the tape.
"Justice Strauss is enjoying a piece of saltwater taffy!" the woman with hair but no beard said quickly. "That's why she's talking in hmms!"
"She's not enjoying anything!" Klaus cried. "If there are any volunteers in the crowd, take off your blindfolds and help us!"
"The children are trying to trick you!" said the man with a beard but no hair. "Keep your blindfolds on!"
"Yes!" cried the woman with hair but no beard. "They're trying to get all noble people arrested by the authorities!"
"Real McCoy!" Sunny yelled.
"I think the children might be telling the truth," Jerome Squalor said hesitantly.
"Those brats are liars!" Esme snapped. "They're worse than my ex-boyfriend!"
"I believe them!" Charles said, scratching at his blindfold. "They've experienced villainy before!"
"I don't!" Sir announced. The children could not tell if he was wearing a blindfold underneath the cloud of smoke that still hung over his head. "They're nothing but trouble!"
"They're telling the truth!" cried Frank, probably, unless it was Ernest.
"They're lying!" cried Ernest, most likely, although I suppose it could have been Frank.
"They're good students!" said Mr. Remora.
"They're lousy administrative assistants!" said Vice Principal Nero.
"They're bank robbers!" said Mrs. Bass, whose blindfold was covering her small, narrow mask.
"Bank robbers?" Mr. Poe asked. "Egad! Who said that?"
"They're guilty!" cried the man with a beard but no hair, although the High Court wasn't supposed to reach a verdict until all the evidence had been examined.
"They're innocent!" cried Hal.
"They're freaks!" screamed Hugo.
"They're twisted!" shrieked Colette.
"They're right-handed!" yelled Kevin.
"They're headlines!" screeched Geraldine Julienne.
"They're escaping!" said the woman with hair but no beard, and this, at least, was a true statement. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny realized that the crowd was going to do nothing that would stop Count Olaf from dragging Justice Strauss away from the trial, and that the people in the lobby would fail them, as so many noble people had failed them before. As the volunteers and villains argued around them, the children made their way quickly and stealthily away from the bench and toward Justice Strauss and Count Olaf, who was picking up the harpoon gun. If you've ever wanted one more cookie than people said you could have, then you know how difficult it is to move quickly and stealthily at the same time, but if you've had as much experience as the Baudelaires in dodging the activities of people who were shouting at you, then you know that with enough practice you can move quickly and stealthily just about anywhere, including across an enormous, domed lobby while a crowd calls for your capture.
"We must capture them!" called a voice in the crowd.
"It will take a village to capture the Baudelaires!" shrieked Mrs. Morrow. "We can't see them through our blindfolds!"
"We don't want to be guilty of contempt of court!" yelled Mr. Lesko. "Let's feel our way toward the hotel entrance so they can't escape!"
"The authorities are guarding the entrance!" the man with a beard but no hair reminded the crowd. "The Baudelaires are running toward the elevators! Capture them!"
"But don't capture anyone else who happens to be standing near the elevators!" added the woman with hair but no beard, looking hurriedly at Olaf. The sliding doors of an elevator began to open, and the Baudelaires moved as quickly and stealthily as they could through the crowd who were reaching out blindly in all directions.
"Search the entire hotel," said the villianous man, "and bring us anyone who you find suspicious!"
"We'll tell you if they're villains or not," said the villainous woman. "After all, you can't make such judgements yourselves!"
"Wrong!"
The enormous clock of the Hotel Denouement, the stuff of legend, announced one o'clock, thundering through the room of the blindfolded leading the blindfolded, just as the three siblings reached the elevators. Count Olaf had already dragged Justice Strauss inside and was hurriedly pressing the button that closes the elevator doors, but Sunny stuck out one of her feet and held them open, which is something only very brave people attempt. Olaf leaned forward to whisper threateningly at the Baudelaires.