"She said why should the Chinese play by American rules? The Chinese are so poor that they can't afford to buy the official version of Windows. Bill Gates is already the world's richest man – why can't he give the product to the poor for a little money or for free? It's unfair that Chinese silk clothes with hand embroideries cost so much less than shirts with a simple DKNY mark. She even started to talk about the terrorists."
"What happened next? "
"Her mother gave her three thousand dollars to buy the newest Sony laptop. The first thing Juju did after getting the new laptop was to install the pirated Windows XP to upset me. I guess everybody around her in China obeys her without question. Whoever doesn't listen to her is added to her enemies list."
Mother Bee became Juju's enemy. By studying Mao back in China, Juju had learned that an effective strategy for defeating the enemy was to set one against the other. She turned Mother Bee's son, twelve-year-old Tommy, into a defiant rebel.
Tommy washed his father's car windows twice a week to earn some extra money. But then Juju educated Tommy about Karl Marx and the capitalists versus the proletarians. She tells Tommy, "Your parents are the capitalists who have exploited you as a child laborer. It's their parental duty to buy you whatever you want. In China, my parents have never said no to me."
Naïve Tommy was successfully brainwashed and waged a war against his parents, exactly fulfilling Juju's expectations.
"This little Chinese empress Juju sounds like a troublemaker!" I say to Mother Bee.
"As the three-month exchange period was coming to an end, I thought, Thank God, it's almost time for her to return home. Since she dislikes the States so much, she will be happier back there. But…"
"What?"
"One day she disappeared. I called her parents, her school, and her friends. Nobody knew where she was. I reported it to the police. Three days later, they found her in Boston. I learned that she had decided to stay in the United States after the exchange was over. But because of her J-1 immigration status, she was supposed to go back. Then she came up with the idea of seeking political asylum here. She made friends with some Falun Gong people in Boston via the Internet. Guess what? I saw her on TV the other night. She was part of a Falun Gong demonstration in front of the Chinese consulate in Boston. Welcome to America!"
49 Scamming Sam?
My U.S. vacation continues. One day, I have breakfast at the IHOP. One thing I missed about the States were the great breakfasts, especially pancakes. While I am enjoying my buttermilk pancakes with bacon and coffee, an old truck driver, a typical midwesterner, approaches me shyly. "Lady, excuse me, but do you speak Chinese?"
"Yes."
"Can you do me a favor?" The man is polite, yet eager. He tells me that his name is Sam. Through a matchmaking company, he has corresponded with a Chinese woman named Ying from Jiangxi Province for three months. Although they have exchanged only five letters, Ying claims that she has fallen in love with her "Uncle Sam," who is thirty years her senior. When I hear of the age difference, I think of O'Keeffe and Stieglitz, although this romance doesn't seem to have the same chance of success.
"I never expected Asian women to be so direct and open!" Sam says to me. "Aren't we Americans ignorant about other peoples?"
"Thank you for telling me your story, but what can I do for you?" I ask.
"I've thought of calling her. Can you help me interpret on the phone?"
"Yes."
Five minutes later, we dial China from a pay phone near the restaurant.
"Hello, this is Sam. May I speak to Ying?" Sam speaks in English and I repeat it in Chinese.
"Darling, it's Ying speaking!"
"Thank you for the nice letters. I have one concern. What do you think of my age?" Sam gets to the point right away, showing his American impetuosity.
"Although you are thirty years older, you look young from your pictures. Your voice sounds young, too." Ying sounds sweet.
"Oh, I'm flattered." Sam smiles from ear to ear.
"When my heroes Anna Chan and Wendy Deng married General Claire Chennault and Rupert Murdoch, respectively, both of whom are older than the brides' fathers, age was the least of their concerns."
"But I was told that the Chinese believe in filial piety. What if your parents didn't approve of you being with an old foreigner?"
"There are prejudices and feudal thoughts in China, but I'm a woman warrior. I'll fight back!" Ying sounds determined.
"I admire you for saying this." Sam puts one hand over his heart religiously.
"Darling, I've been missing you so much that I dream of you every night. What do you think of me visiting you in America?" Ying's voice becomes more affectionate.
"Sounds like a super idea!" Sam answers cheerfully.
"Of course, you will have to pay for my trip."
"No problem. How much?" says Sam eagerly.
Ying speaks directly to me, "Hey, sister, you're also a Chinese, right?"
"Yes." I say warily.
"Then you have to help your compatriot. If this old guy is rich, I will ask more. If he isn't, I will ask less."
"Why don't you make up your own mind?" I say, thinking, she's already got her hand in his pocket. Now she is asking me how much money to take out?
"Ten grand," Ying says.
"Renminbi or U.S. dollars?" Sam asks in reply.
"Of course it's the green money I'm talking about," Ying says.
"I'd consider it, but I would like to know how you want to spend the money."
"I want to go to the United States via Hong Kong, the shopping paradise. I want to spend a week there to fully experience capitalism. Then, I would like to select a diamond ring, at least one carat. You know, the Chinese really care about face."
Sam shows hesitancy as he hears about the ring. "Darling, I'd love to buy you gifts, but I haven't even proposed yet. We're still in the process of getting to know each other. Perhaps it's too early to talk about rings, don't you think?"
Ying says, "In China, men spend money on women they are pursuing in order to show their respect to the women's parents. If I go to the United States to see you, we consider it an insult to my parents if you don't give me anything expensive."
As I repeat this part in English, I feel ashamed, but manage to translate Ying's words verbatim.
Toward the end of the conversation, Sam agrees to buy Ying something special (but not a diamond ring), and to wire her the money right away. Ying will go to apply for a passport immediately. They air-kiss good-bye to each other.
After the phone call, I feel obligated to warn Sam. So I ask him, "What do you think of Ying?"
"She sounds full of shit! She thinks that we Americans are made of gold. I can't believe she's so provincial." His voice is no longer sweet.
I am taken aback by Sam's answer, "But you wanted to send her money!"
"Are you kidding? I'm sixty years old. No way I'd be so stupid that I'd send some stranger that much money. I've never even given my mother a thousand dollars!" Sam says, shaking his fist emphatically.
"But you said yes to her…" I am confused.
Sam laughs, explaining, "Did I lose anything by saying yes? If I hadn't said yes, would I have found out her real thoughts?"
"I thought you were a fool for love!" I say.
"I pretended to be," says the wily Sam with an impish grin.
"You also had me fooled. You remind me of the Chinese saying, Jiang haishi laode la. 'Old ginger is always spicier.' "
I decide to call Ying and tell her to forget about scamming Sam. I redial the number from the same phone.
It's a man's voice on the other line with a local accent. "How can I help you?"
I try to mimic the man's accent. "I'm looking for Ying."
"My wife has just left to apply for a passport."
JIANG HAISHI LAODE LA: "Old ginger is always spicier."
50 Mental Viagra