Lulu continues the analysis: "I guess China is on the move. Young people will go wherever it is fashionable."
I put my arm around Lulu. "And if they aren't sure what is fashionable, they can always buy Lulu's magazine."
XIAOZI: Petite bourgeois; refers to an emerging group of young people who enjoy things Western, from coffee to jazz. They are not rich, but pay attention to their lifestyle. They would fit in quite well with their counterparts in the West.
63 Returning Home
The Chinese New Year is drawing near. Thousands and even millions of people are on the move in trains, airplanes, and buses, rushing to reunite with their loved ones. It is the time to huijia, or return home. In increasingly cosmopolitan Beijing, home is a concept that constantly needs to be redefined. Over dinner, Beibei, Lulu, and I discuss which home we will return to.
The most common definition of home for a Chinese woman is where her husband is. In our case, both Lulu and I are single women. Although Beibei is the only one that is married, she no longer has any affection for her husband, Chairman Hua. "Impermanence and homelessness probably are evitable feelings of modern souls, even though we do have a roof over our heads," Lulu says philosophically.
"I think when the Chinese talk about returning home, we don't mean our own homes," says Beibei. "We mean our parents' homes."
"Do you plan to spend the Chinese New Year at your parents' place?" I ask Beibei.
"Yes," Beibei says cheerfully. "They will teach me how to make dumplings and I will teach them how to taste red wine. Then we might play mahjong for a few days and nights. What about you, Niuniu?"
"I envy you for being able to spend time with your folks together," I reply. "Since my parents are divorced, I have to choose one over the other for my holiday visits. This year, my father wants to take his new wife to the States… So I guess I'll go to my mother's home. What about you, Lulu?"
Lulu casts her eyes downward. Returning home is a painful issue for her. Lulu's family is in a small town in the south. Her parents divorced a long time ago. Her father was a successful businessman and sent her to Beijing for schooling. But he passed away when Lulu was in college and his secretary stole all of his money. The rest of Lulu's family still lives in the small town.
Today, she is the biggest achiever in her family, a legend in her hometown: she was the most beautiful girl in town, the only graduate from a top Beijing university, and, now, the editor of a well-known fashion magazine. At one time when she returned home with ginseng and stacks of cash, the whole town celebrated. Small kids followed her around, asking for red envelopes. But things have changed in the last few years.
As her childhood playmates become mothers of toddlers, she is still single, without a decent boyfriend. The boys who used to have a crush on her have all "jumped into the sea" – started their businesses. The last few years have been good for business owners in small towns. They have built nice houses, they drive nice cars, and some are already working on their second or third girlfriends or marriages. Lulu still can't afford to buy a house in Beijing. She doesn't own a car. The neighbors all ask her mother the same question: "Has Lulu got a steady boyfriend this year?" Seeing her come home by herself, her mother no longer happily notifies every neighbor. The pride has been replaced by worry.
Last year, the tension really escalated when Lulu went home for the New Year. Any incoming phone calls from men became a family matter. Her mother insisted on answering all her phone calls. She shamelessly asked every man, "What do you think of our Lulu?… If you like her, when do you plan to be my son-in-law?"
Lulu quickly ran back to Beijing. This year, she decides not to go back to her hometown to be humiliated once more.
"Where do you want to go?" Beibei asks, jerking Lulu back to the conversation.
Lulu says, "A philosopher has said that nature is our real home. I plan to celebrate the Chinese New Year in a deep forest. I want to return to our spiritual home."
Before Beibei and I can comment on Lulu's idea, her cell phone rings. She starts to talk in her local dialect. So much for returning to her spiritual home.
"Who was it?" Beibei asks after Lulu hangs up.
"It was my mother calling from home," Lulu says.
"What did she say?" I ask.
Lulu answers, "She says she will come to Beijing to visit me for the Chinese New Year! I guess I will just stay in Beijing."
"Remember, Beijing has become your home!" Beibei tells Lulu.
I add, "Home is a relative term. Anywhere your bed and pillow are becomes your real home for that night, New Year's or otherwise!"
Lulu screams, "Oh, no! Talking about bed and pillow, I just remembered that my mom said she'd like to sleep in the same bed with me so that we could have good mother-daughter conversations at night. The same bed, can you believe it? I'm already over thirty and she still wants to tuck me in. Give me a break!"
HUIJIA: Return home. Family and home are extremely important in the Chinese culture. One must never forget where he or she came from, and returning home for special events is more than just a nice thing to do; it is a re-quirment of any self-respecting Chinese.
XIAHAI: To jump into the sea: to go into business. In China, starting a business is probably even more risky than jumping into the sea!
64 Country Mother and City Daughter
Lulu's mother comes to visit her a week before the Chinese New Year. She plans to stay with Lulu for a month and insists that they sleep in the same bed.
For a single, independent, big-city girl, it might sound like a nightmare to share a bed with her unworldly country-bumpkin mother for a month. But it turns out to be not as unpleasant as Lulu had expected. It is actually fun… for a while.
Lulu's mother is an excellent cook and a clean and tidy woman. Whenever Lulu comes back home, the dinner is cooked and ready to be served, and everything from her keys to her gloves has been organized and put in good order. Moreover, having someone waiting for you at home makes Lulu feel so warm. It is this sense of family that she hasn't had for so long. There is only one moment that turns out to be a bit embarrassing. One evening, Lulu and her mother are watching the Discovery Channel. That day's program showcases a primitive tribe on the Amazon, and some of the tribal members have no clothes. "Nudity! It's so awful!" Lulu's mother screams and hastily switches the channel. Lulu thinks her mother is making a fuss. Other than that incident, the first week Lulu and her mother spend together is nearly idyllic.
But mothers have their own set of priorities. And before too long, things start to change. Lulu's mother, like most Chinese mothers, is curious about her daughter's private life. She peppers Lulu with questions about her relationships with men. Other generational, social, and cultural differences begin to appear.
One day, Lulu comes home, takes a shower, and starts to get dressed to meet Beibei and me. She suddenly discovers that all of her sexy underwear is missing. Lulu is partial to thongs, brief panties, and lace bras that reveal as well as support. She is dismayed. "Mom, did you do the laundry? Where did you put my underwear? I can't find a single clean set."
Her mother tells her that she thought they were not only not functional but also way too small. "I threw them away and bought you new big, roomy underwear. Why should you squeeze yourself into such tiny bits of fabric that don't even cover anything?"
From there it only gets worse. Another day when Lulu comes back from work, her mother is waiting for her at the kitchen table. She is holding a package of condoms in her hand.
"Lulu, what is this?"
Lulu's mind begins to reel. She is embarrassed; discussing sex with one's parents is never easy. It is just not done in Chinese culture. So she tells her mother they are balloons. "Black balloons? Black is not a lucky color. Why do you have black balloons?" her mother keeps the questions coming.
Lulu cannot tell her mother that this is for girls who have fantasies of black men like her, so she has to make up an answer on the spot. "Mom, that is the most fashionable color. Don't you see that so many young women always love to wear black clothes?"
Her mother murmurs, "I also wonder why they smell like cherry."
Lulu cannot tell her mother that it actually tastes like cherry too. She dodges the question by saying, "Let's go get some red balloons for New Year's Day."
But the worst is yet to come. One day Lulu comes home. Nothing happens during dinner. They watch some TV, then they decide to go to sleep. Once they are in bed, her mother says bluntly and without warning, "Adult movies are not proper for unmarried girls like you."
This is a totally unexpected statement. "What do you mean?" But Lulu can already guess the rest.
Her mother scolds her, "I was putting away the laundry, and I opened the bottom drawer of your bureau. I found a collection of adult movies. Why do you have them? It's not right for you to watch movies like these. Only bad girls do that. You aren't married yet and you have to care about your reputation."
Lulu tells her mother that this is Beijing, not the small town she came from. People can watch anything they like, and it is not considered evil for a single woman to enjoy the privileges of married women. Lulu considers giving her mother some more detailed examples from her own love life but quickly decides against it.
Her mother shuts down and becomes quiet. Both of them toss and turn in the bed. A few hours later, Lulu, who is already half-asleep, receives a nudge from her mother. "Lulu, are you still awake?"
"What?" Lulu asks her mother in the darkness.
Her mother finally reveals the puzzle in her mind. "Lulu, I watched one of those videos. Do foreigners really do that in bed? That is so dirty!"