"What should I do?" she asks Beibei and me.
"Take gifts to your boss at once," Beibei suggests.
"Isn't that bribery?" Lulu asks. "I've never given him anything. Now, all of a sudden, I go to his house bearing gifts? That is too obvious."
Beibei replies: "Bribery is an art. If you give your boss money, he must refuse, but if you put the money in a red envelope as a gift to his kid, he won't say no. Always avoid a direct and obvious bribe. Rule No. 1: Be subtle. Rule No. 2: Timing is everything. Chinese New Year is the perfect time to give gifts. The bribe is concealed within a legitimate gift. You've come to pay seasonal respects, and never mention the apartment in conversation."
"What gift should I give?" Lulu asks.
"What are his vices? If he is a drinker, give him imported liquor," I suggest.
"Brandy or scotch whiskey or cognac?" Lulu asks.
"How old is he?" Beibei asks.
"Fifty-five."
"Choose something in a nice bottle with fancy wrapping," Beibei says. "What about a bottle of VSOP? Men his age can't tell the difference in price between a VSOP and an XO. For them it's good as long as it has English letters."
Following our advice, Lulu rushes out and buys the VSOP. At the bank, she withdraws ten new one-hundred-yuan notes. She puts the money in a red envelope with a small card saying, "To Dede from Auntie Lulu." Dede is her supervisor's son. But later, she throws away the card, deciding instead to slip the envelope into the VSOP package. Everything had better be subtle.
On New Year's Eve, she visits Sukang's home. He appears gracious and friendly. He receives gifts all the time, so to him it is quite normal. For the first time, he asks her about her hobbies and her family. She feels at ease, sensing definite rapport.
A few days later Lulu gets together with Beibei and me.
Before she can start to describe the whole affair concerning the apartment, Beibei says, "I'm exhausted. Too many employees visited me. They gave me so much stuff, I don't have enough space for it so I'm giving you each a bottle of VSOP."
We say thanks and unwrap the bottle. Amazingly, Lulu sees a familiar red envelope that falls out from her bottle of VSOP. Inside the envelope are ten crisp one-hundred-yuan notes.
Beibei says, "I'll take the money back and leave you the VSOP if that's okay."
"But it's my money!" Lulu screams.
"Why yours? I just gave this to you. You're so ungrateful!" Beibei says as she snatches the money out of Lulu's hands.
"Who is it from?" asks Lulu.
"One of my employees. His wife teaches but wants to become a singer. She wants to sign with us."
"Where does she teach?"
"The Anan English Elementary School," says Beibei.
"That's an expensive gift for a teacher to give, isn't it?" I say.
"Come on, nowadays all the kids in school are from one-child families. Most parents try to curry favor with nice gifts," Beibei says. "I bet teachers get lots of liquor as gifts. That's why she didn't bother to open this package."
"Sukang's chi ld Dede goes to that school. I gave Sukang the VSOP and the money!" Lulu says, shocked.
"What goes around, comes around," Beibei says as she reaches for the bottle. "Let's have a drink and use up this one thousand yuan."
67 A New Dating Strategy
Since Lulu's mother has come to Beijing, Lulu has told us many funny stories about her. Lately, she asks Lulu to update her about her boyfriends on a daily basis. If Lulu has a date, she wants to know everything in detail so she can make some judgmental comments. Her mother's opinions often irritate Lulu. If Lulu doesn't have a date, her mother will sigh and say things like, "Why are you so unattractive? Something must be wrong with your character. You are too strong." Her constant nagging hurts Lulu.
Lulu's mother married at twenty-five, already considered late at that time. She would like Lulu to get married so that both of them can have emotional and financial security. As she continually whines about Lulu being so picky in choosing a husband or ending up an old maid, Lulu can only joke lightly, "Mom, the later I get married, the better my man will be."
When she really falls for someone, her mother isn't happy either. She says that Lulu is being stupid. "Other girls all use their brains. Only a stupid girl like you will give her heart and her body so quickly. When I was young, I never let boys get me so easily."
When Lulu doesn't like some man she met, her mother will say things like, "You're already over thirty. You'd be undesirable in my time. You're lucky to have some man who would like to go out with you."
Lulu is distressed by her mother's interference in her love life, but she manages to contain her anger. She never loses her temper – until her mother finally goes too far.
One day, Lulu's mother is especially unhappy when Lulu makes negative comments about a man named Ching, whom her mother likes. "He's bald, with a Buddha belly," she tells her mother. "He uses a toothpick without covering his mouth at the dining table. I can't stand him."
Her mother thinks differently. Besides having a good job, Ching is honest, which will make him a good son-in-law. Plus, Ching's affection for Lulu is obvious. So when Ching calls later that day and Lulu is out, her mother answers the phone and chats with Ching.
Ching asks for Lulu's e-mail address. Her mother says that she doesn't have one – perhaps Ching could set up one for her. After Ching gets an e-mail account for Lulu, he calls. Once again, Lulu's mother picks up the phone. Ching asks her to pass on the instructions to Lulu about how to send e-mails. Her mother doesn't pass on the information to Lulu. Instead, she pretends to be Lulu, sending affectionate e-mails to Ching.
Lulu's mother, such a fast learner, even picks up things like chatting via MSN Messenger. She even learns some of the Chinese acronyms such as MM for "girl," BB for "baby," and GG for "brother."
Ching is overjoyed by the warm and emotional e-mails he's getting from Lulu. Three months later, on Lulu's birthday, he decides not to wait anymore. He tells Lulu in the e-mail that he will come and propose with a diamond ring he has bought for her and tell her mother that he is going to marry her.
After reading the e-mail, Lulu's mother realizes that she has to tell Lulu about the correspondence between Ching and her, and that she has done it for Lulu's own good. But Lulu gets very angry after hearing what her mother has done.
"I'm going out tonight! After writing to him for so long, you must know how to deal with him. You don't really need me," Lulu yells at her mother and leaves angrily.
Ching comes with his ring at six o'clock. Not seeing Lulu, he is confused. Lulu's mother has made up a story. She says to Ching that it's Lulu's friend who has been writing on Lulu's behalf, not Lulu. Her friend thought it would give a chance for Ching and Lulu to get to know each other better, but only finds out later that Lulu is too stubborn to change.
After hearing the story, Ching is not as hurt as Lulu's mother had expected. Instead, he says to Lulu's mother, "Auntie, help me find her friend. She has written to me with such beautiful words. She seems to understand me so well that I'd rather date her than Lulu!"
Lulu's mother blushes.
68 Fake Car, Fake Man
When former U.S. vice president Dan Quayle asked his Chinese daughter-in-law to name the first thing she wanted to do upon arriving in the States, her answer was simple. "Drive," she said. Quayle was shocked. Considering all the attractions the country offered, why would anyone choose to tackle traffic?
For many young Chinese, car ownership is something to aspire to. If they can't afford it, most feel they should at least have a driver's license to carry around. It's like a membership card.