"Well, it is not an easy task to blend back in to your own culture. If you want to be a successful returnee, there are some rules you will have to follow."
Rong listens intently.
"Rule Number One: Never construct a sentence starting with 'When I was in the United States…' People just don't like it. And, frankly, they don't care either. You will only distance yourself with such claims," I say, pretending to be a real expert.
"I see. I didn't realize they didn't like that. I guess I need to keep a low profile."
"Absolutely. Rule Number Two: Never drop English words into your conversation. And never ever ask someone, 'How do you say this in Chinese?'"
"Why?" Rong looks puzzled, as this is something that he does often and without a second thought.
"Even if you have honestly forgotten how to say something in Chinese, the locals tend to think you're faking it. They think you're just showing off and they'll resent it. Sure, they respect your education and experience in the West, but they don't like to have their noses rubbed in it. We are talking about proud, sensitive people. If you come across as too westernized, it can backfire."
"Okay! I've got it. What else?"
"Rule Number Three: Under no circumstances should you wear shorts to meet with your coworkers, even after work. Show them some respect."
Rong looks down at his bare knees below his khaki shorts. "It seems to me that I have to make a few changes. But what about me, Niuniu? What if I don't feel that I am being respected?"
"Okay. This is a tough one. You see, some Chinese think those who have returned to China came back only because they were losers in the West. So you have your work cut out for you. You might want to do some things to hint at your success. For example, you could place your UC Berkeley coffee mug on your desk."
"Oh, that is too contrived," says Rong.
"Okay, I've got a better idea," I say. "Next time you go back to California, see if you can attend one of those political fundraisers. If you can get someone to take a picture of you shaking hands with Governor Schwarzenegger, it may cost you a few thousand dollars, but it will be worth it in the long run. Hang the picture on your office wall and I am sure you'll see the difference immediately."
"So, Rule Number Four: Display photos with big shots."
"Exactly," I say, " Yale University has a China Law Center to train Chinese judges from China. In their brochure there is a photo of Bill Clinton with the center's director. You see, you're not alone, Rong. Even Yale needs help from big shots to promote their prestige in China."
91 Dilemmas? Buddha Has the Answers
Everybody has dilemmas. In a fast-changing society like China, life is a drama, filled with events that can only create new dilemmas. According to a recent survey, young Chinese from twenty-five to forty have seven major dilemmas stemming from some basic life choices or decisions.
Highest on the list is actually a question that only applies to married couples: to have children or not? Beibei has been married for over seven years, but having children is a subject that has never entered her mind. Recently, she has taken a trip to the States. Upon returning, she tells everyone that she was surprised that each of the American families she visited had, on average, 2.4 children.
Is it still correct to think that the Chinese are the most family-oriented people? Probably not. Beibei has her own theory. "My work is number one. I feel respected as a corporate president. To be respected is important. I doubt if my kid would respect me even though I gave all of my time to him. All my friends' kids are spoiled brats and I hate to see them. Another thing is that I need to look beautiful. Chinese women of my generation are so lucky because we can visit department stores, beauty salons, saunas, massage parlors, and gyms to make us look good. As long as I'm beautiful, men like me. I don't need the love of a child."
Beibei might sound a bit selfish to me, who would love to have a few kids someday, but her selfishness is a trait shared by many women. Like their male counterparts, these women learn to love and admire themselves so much that they often find one man's love is not enough, which points them toward another major problem, according to the survey: to take a lover or not? Should the society be more tolerant of married people who take lovers or should they be condemned? In China, arranged marriage was once the practice and true love was once brutally disregarded. Some say that Chinese adulterers are often torn between seeking their true love and remaining true to family obligations. The rising number of adulterous marriages reflects the emotional awakening of the middle class, and thus should be more accepted.
The third dilemma among the young people is whether to work for a boss or be self-employed. Laid-off workers from the northeast tell young people that the iron rice bowl is broken and state-owned factories are no longer reliable. This is nothing new. But overseas returnees from Silicon Valley, whom young people admire so much, also send bad news home from other side of the world: big multinational corporations are not reliable either.
So starting your own business and becoming self-employed grows into a popular goal. Lulu has recently resigned from her job and joined the be-your-own-boss trend. Lulu comforts herself. "Work according to my own schedule means flexibility and freedom." She wants to open a coffee shop but soon learns that getting loans from Chinese banks is very difficult. At the same time, Lulu also learns the hard truth, that being your own boss also means you have to pay for your own pension plan, as well as your own medical coverage and housing benefits.
Lulu feels that only a handful of people, like Beibei, who have both the right connections and access to deep pockets, can benefit from opening their own business.
The fourth dilemma concerns mainly young college graduates or those who have worked for a number of years in China: Should you go abroad for higher education or stay and climb up the corporate ladder within China? The foreign diploma fad has been around for years. Being referred to as "Dr. So-and-So" is considered flattering and trendy, especially when the degree comes from a Western country. But this honor comes at a very high cost. Nowadays, it's not uncommon for students to owe as much as $50,000 in student loans after graduation. Given the ample business opportunities that China provides for talented people, many young people believe it's more worthwhile to stay in China and accumulate wealth.
High Mountain, my former classmate – who hasn't gone abroad – tells me, "In the United States, you can easily become a member of the middle class and earn a fairly decent salary, but it is not likely that you will become one of the superrich. But if you stay in China, this is highly possible." A few years ago, High Mountain 's state-owned company was privatized. All of a sudden, High Mountain, as the former party secretary of the company, was the owner of a multimillion-dollar corporation. High Mountain 's transformation is an example of a successful deployment of the new market economy in China. But even with his new money, High Mountain still lacks the world-liness, vision, and sophistication of those who have lived in both China and the West.
The fifth dilemma is whether you should buy a house first or a car? Young couples want to own both a car and a house like their peers in developed countries. But when their income is not high enough to own both at the same time, many choose the house over the car. Why? Is it because a house represents a better financial investment? Not really. The stability of the overvalued real estate market is beginning to show signs of strain, especially in big cities such as Shanghai, Beijing, and Shenzhen.