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“Who should I fuck?” I asked my girlfriend, my throbbing boner demanding action.

“Lay on your back,” she ordered me.

Peaches mounted me while her boyfriend took pictures, then he wiggled his cock up her butt while my girlfriend took video. As we double-teamed her, my girl sat on my face. Until a tangy flavor tased my tongue, I had forgotten that I had cum in her. I never expected to taste my own jism. I don’t regret the experience, but I’d rather not ever taste it again. Thank God she came quick to wash out the awful flavor. Peaches started shrieking like a bird, her face turning colors as she bathed my cock in her cum. Her boyfriend pulled out to wash his penis in the sink. My girl roughly pushed her off my dick and off the bed. She landed with a loud thunk. I would have laughed, but my Mexican sat on my pole and saluted the flag.

Then it got weird. Once her pussy swallowed my entire cock, she bent over and wiggled her ass. My best friend lubed himself up again and I knew when he penetrated her by the high-pitched scream in my face that Five Hour Energy should put in a pill. My girlfriend cursed in Spanish as my buddy worked his way up her anus. I swear the double penetration dilated her eyes.

“Cum up my girlfriend’s ass!” I told my best friend.

My girl bravely held out for several minutes before collapsing — the first time she ever came quiet. She felt like a human blanket on top of me, warm like one of those plug-in thermal comforters. That slobbers. My bud could now cum, too, so he fixed her ass and flanked her position. He nailed her harder and faster, his face almost angry in concentration. When he came, I’m pretty sure I heard it. He looked like he was having an epileptic attack in slow motion. Except for all the groaning.

My girl just purred, with my cock still filling her pussy, as my best friend flooded her anal cavity with jism.

“You were right,” she coughed to Peaches, still in a semi-coma on the ground. “That was unbelievable.” She turned to me. “Fuck her until you cum so I can suck your juice out of her.”

“Okay.” What? Was I suppose to argue?

I fucked Peaches right there on the floor, her ankles on my shoulders and drilling her deep like a rig in the Gulf of Mexico. Her orgasms came like waves on a beach, several minutes apart, but still swamping the shoreline. I had cum twice that night, so it took a lot of pounding before I gave her my last two drops. By that time she was either begging for mercy or whimpering in Yiddish.

“Throw her on the bed,” the Mexican ordered us.

Her boyfriend and I picked up Peach’s naked, spent body and tossed her on the mattress. My girl climbed on top and went down on her, slurping my cum out of her pussy while Peaches stuck her tongue up my girlfriend’s ass to taste her boyfriend’s juice as he recorded everything.

I stood up, my cock swinging between my knees like a grandfather clock. I wanted to finish my damn beer at the bar, but somebody probably already drank it. So, instead, I rifled through my bud’s jeans until I found the engagement ring he carried around. After the girls made each other cum, I got on one knee and held up the ring.

“The only thing that could make me happier right this minute is if you say you will marry me.”

“Yes, motherfucker, yes!” My girl jumped in my arms and wrapped her legs around me like a python.

“Hey! That’s my ring,” my best friend complained.

“You said you were just going to throw it away,” I argued.

“I said, maybe!”

“What?” Peaches looked stunned. Eyes blank, jaw slack, expression confused. So that’s how I normally look. “You bought me a ring? You want to marry me?”

Her boyfriend looked sheepish, so I helped him out. “He’s had it forever, but is too much of a pussy to give it to you.”

“You can’t give this to me if he meant to give it to her,” my girl said. She gave it back and we both looked about to cry.

“Move your cock out of the way so I can propose,” he told me. Still naked, I grabbed the camera phone and set it on video. He got down on one knee, held up the ring, and asked Peaches to marry him. I think maybe Peaches had a heart attack cuz she started twitching like that homeless guy on the corner of 9 ^th and Main.

“Yes, you wonderful bastard! Yes, I will marry you.”

Well, now we were all crying. “I only have seven thousand in the bank. Maybe you should pick out the ring cuz I don’t know girl stuff.”

She smiled at me through her tears. “You are the perfect husband for me.”

“Will you be with me forever?” I asked, a little scared.

“You’re gonna stretch my pussy so much that no other man will ever be able to take your place.” I guess she could tell that I didn’t understand if that was a yes or no. “So, yes, I will stay with you forever.”

The four of us group-hugged. Then had sex again.

CHAPTER 4

Her mama was my wife’s best friend. They talked on Facebook video chat every day. No one’s opinion meant more to her than her mother’s so I wanted to make a good impression.

When her mother first visited, she didn’t seem to understand why her smart daughter married someone who couldn’t pick out his own clothes. Her abusive alcoholic father was a mariachi singer who apparently had many children he never raised.

“Mom, he will never leave me, never hit me, and never let another man hit me,” my wife told her mother. “He provides for his family, he makes me feel safe, and he makes me laugh. What more could I possibly want from a husband?”

“He sure is easy to look at,” mom confessed. My wife laughed, ordered me to strip, and the dear lady applauded like I was a rock star. “Is that real?” my mother-in-law asked, eyes bigger than dinner plates.

“Go see for yourself.”

They looked more like sisters than mother-daughter cuz she had my wife so young, so I had no problem getting hard when she touched it. She jumped back as my penis sprang at her like a rattlesnake.

“Get on your knees, mom, and suck my husband’s giant cock.”

My wife likes me to slap her face with it, but it surprised my mother-in-law so much that she fell back with a yell. All three of us laughed, me most of all.

“Will you be this beautiful when you’re older?” I asked my wife, who jumped in the air like she was spiking a football.

“That’s why I married him! That right there. Not even the smartest men can come up with shit like that. It’s like God installed a Hallmark inside him. You remember how dad would say something insensitive that would just crush us? My husband is the opposite of my dad. I’ll be, like, zoning out, then he’ll say something magical that makes me feel loved. My husband says things so special it’s like they come with flowers.”

My mother-in-law cried while smiling up at me. “You really think I’m pretty?”

“Throw some big titties on you and I’d be hard all the time. You should live with us so I can enjoy the two best looking women in the county.”

“You see what I mean?” my wife asked her mother. “And you know he’s sincere cuz he’s got no guile. There’s no filter between his heart and his mouth, but he lacks the manure factory that makes other guys spew out bullshit all the time. He may not be good with numbers, but with women he is the smartest man in the world.”

“Show her the titties I bought you,” I urged my wife, proud of my purchase. She tore off her blouse to reveal a flat tummy and two monster mounds. “With a rack like that, you could have any man in the world.”

I wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying. “Take off her clothes so I can see what the rest of her looks like.”

My wife undressed her mother and my dick flopped around like a break dancer.

“My python doesn’t lie,” I told her, as she watched my cock harden at the sight of her. I picked her up cuz girls liked to be held. But she’s so pretty my dick starting poking her like a mugger looking for a wallet. She grabbed my schlong and I heard a moan so deep that I thought we needed an exorcist. Well, now I needed to get me some, so I kissed my mother-in-law’s neck and worked my way to her lips. For such a reserved lady, she sure surprised me by grabbing my head with both hands and thrusting her tongue down my throat. How’d she know I loved that?