I would have told the table that, but they were really having fun being cynical, and I didn’t want to ruin it. So, I just sat back a little bit and watched Sam sitting next to Craig and tried not to be too sad about it. I have to say that I couldn’t do it very successfully. But at one point, Craig was talking about something, and Sam turned to me and smiled. It was a movie smile in slow motion, and then everything was okay.
I told this to my psychiatrist, but he said it was too soon to draw any conclusions.
I don’t know. I just had a great day. I hope you did, too.
Love always,
Charlie
February 2, 1992
Dear friend,
On the Road was a very good book. Bill didn’t ask me to write a paper about it because, like I said, it was “a reward.” He did ask me to visit him in his office after school to discuss it, which I did. He made tea, and I felt like a grown-up. He even let me smoke a cigarette in his office, but he urged me to quit smoking because of the health risks. He even had a pamphlet in his desk that he gave me. I now use it as a bookmark.
I thought Bill and I were going to talk about the book, but we ended up talking about “things.” It was great to have so many discussions back-to-back. Bill asked me about Sam and Patrick and my parents, and I told him about getting my license and talking in the Big Boy. I also told him about my psychiatrist. I didn’t tell him about the party or my sister and her boyfriend, though. They’re still seeing each other in secret, which my sister says only “adds to their passion.”
After I got through telling Bill about my life, I asked him about his. It was nice, too, because he didn’t try to be cool and relate to me or anything. He was just himself about it. He said that he studied undergraduate work at some college in the West that doesn’t give grades, which I thought was peculiar, but Bill said it was the best education he ever got. He said he’d give me a brochure when the time was right.
After he went to Brown University for graduate school, Bill traveled around Europe for a while, and when he came home, he joined Teach for America. When this year is over, he thinks he is going to move to New York and write plays. I guess he’s still pretty young, although I thought it would be rude to ask him. I did ask him if he had a girlfr, though, and he said he didn’t. He seemed sad when he said it, too, but I decided not to pry because I thought that would be too personal. Then, he gave me my next book to read. It’s called Naked Lunch.
I started reading it when I got home, and to tell you the truth, I don’t know what the guy is talking about. I would never tell Bill this. Sam told me that William So. Burroughs wrote the book when he was on heroin and that I should “go with the flow.” So, I did. I still had no idea what he was talking about, so I went downstairs to watch television with my sister.
The show was Gomer Pyle, and my sister was very quiet and moody. I tried to talk to her, but she just told me to shut up and leave her alone. So, I watched the show for a few minutes, but it made even less sense to me than the book, so I decided to do my math homework, which was a mistake because math has never made any sense to me.
I was just confused all day.
So, I tried to help my mother in the kitchen, but I dropped the casserole, so she told me to read in my room until my father came home, but reading is what started this whole mess in the first place. Luckily, my father came home before I could pick up the book again, but he told me to stop “hanging on his shoulders like a monkey” because he wanted to watch the hockey game. I watched the hockey game with him for a while, but I couldn’t stop asking him questions about which countries the players are from, and he was “resting his eyes,” which means he was sleeping but didn’t want me to change the channel. So, he told me to go watch television with my sister, which I did, but she told me to go help my mother in the kitchen, which I did, but then she told me to go read in my room. Which I did.
I’ve read about a third of the book now, and it’s pretty good so far.
Love always,
Charlie
February 8, 1992
Dear friend,
I have a date for the Sadie Hawkins’ dance. In case you didn’t have one of those, it’s the dance where the girl asks the boy. In my case, the girl is Mary Elizabeth, and the boy is me. Can you believe it?!
I think it started when I was helping Mary Elizabeth staple the latest issue of Punk Rocky on Friday before we went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Mary Elizabeth was so nice that day. She said that it was the best issue we’d ever had for two reasons, and both of those reasons were mine.
First of all, it was in color, and second, it had the poem that I gave Patrick in it.
It really was a great issue. I think I’ll even think so when I’m older. Craig included some of his color photographs. Sam included some “underground” news on some bands. Mary Elizabeth wrote an article about the Democratic candidates. Bob included a reprint of a pro-hemp pamphlet. And Patrick made this fake coupon advertising a free “blow job” for anyone who buys a Smiley Cookie at the Big Boy. Some restrictions apply!
There was even a nude photograph (from the back) of Patrick if you can believe it. Sam had Craig take the picture. Mary Elizabeth told everyone to keep it a secret that the photograph was Patrick, which everybody did, except Patrick.
All night, he kept yelling, “Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!” which is his favorite line from his favorite movie, The Producers.
Mary Elizabeth told me she thought that Patrick asked her to put the photograph in the issue so Brad could have a photograph of him without it being suspicious, but he wouldn’t say for sure. Brad bought a copy without even looking at it, so maybe she was right.
When I went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show that night, Mary Elizabeth was really mad because Craig didn’t show up. Nobody knew why. Not even Sam. The problem was nobody was there to play Rocky, the muscular robot (I’m not quite sure what he is). After looking around at everybody, Mary Elizabeth turned to me.
“Charlie, how many times have you seen the show?”
“Ten.”
“Do you think you can play Rocky?”
“I’m not cut and hunky.”
“It doesn’t matter. Can you play him?”
“I guess.”
“Do you guess or do you know?”
“I guess.”
“Good enough.”
The next thing I know, I was wearing nothing but slippers and a bathing suit, which somebody painted gold. I don’t know how these things happen to me sometimes. I was very nervous, especially because in the show, Rocky has to touch Janet all over her body, and Sam was playing Janet. Patrick kept making jokes that I would get an “erection.” I really hoped this wouldn’t happen. Once, I got an erection in class and had to go to the blackboard. It was a terrible time. And when my mind took that experience and added a spotlight and the fact that I was only wearing a bathing suit, I panicked. I almost didn’t do the show, but then Sam told me she really wanted me to play Rocky, and I guess that’s all I really needed to hear.
I won’t go into detail about the whole show, but I had the best time I ever had in my whole life. I’m not kidding. I got to pretend that I was singing, and I got to dance around, and I got to wear a “feather boa” in the grande finale, which I wouldn’t have thought anything of because it’s part of the show, but Patrick couldn’t stop talking about it.