When it was almost completely out of sight, I could barely make out that it had released something it had been carrying under one arm. "A boulder," I thought and began rolling over in the snow as fast as I could, there being no time to get up and run. The missile hit with a distinct noise, like a large melon squashing against the earth, only a foot or two to my left. When
I was certain the demon had departed, I crawled over to it. On inspection, I found it was not a melon but, instead, the head of what I took to be poor Gustavus, Father Garland's missing dog. I don't recall my walk back to the hotel. I was surprised no one had heard the gunshot and come to investigate. I do remember taking a large dose of the beauty and crawling beneath the covers. Of course, I left the lamps burning, for now the evil night had shown me the face of its minions. Sometime near morning I woke in a cold sweat, filled to brimming with a nauseating anger born of jealousy. "So," I said to my reflection in Arden's mirror, "not only has Aria lied to me, but she has already cheated on me." I spat out the word "impure." By dawn, the only regret I had was that I had apologized to her.
My miserable rooms at the Hotel de Skree were a veritable earthly paradise compared to the thought of what I would face at the church that morning. I would have preferred to wrestle a demon than go and meet Aria and pretend at cordiality, while all the time I knew that she knew I had, through the diseased magic of Ana-masobia, been transformed into a fraud. "The slut could easily give me away in front of the whole rogue's gallery," I thought. Even if I were to make it through the day's proceedings without trouble, I had given up hope of ever solving the case, which meant that whatever tribulation and torture I would escape in the territory would later be heaped a hundredfold upon me by the Master.
Still, I got up, bathed, dressed as neatly as always, put my instruments in order, donned my coat, and went to work. It was lightly snowing by the time I left the hotel. Standing outside, dressed again in his absurd black hat, was the recurring nightmare of Mayor Bataldo, smiling as broadly as ever. After having run the scalpel over his testicles the day before, I now wondered what it would take to subdue his idiocy. For a moment, I pictured cutting it out of him, a large laughing black mass, like a comedic tumor on the brain.
''Your honor," he said, waving as though we were longtime friends who had not met in months.
I had run out of imprecations and could do no more than nod tersely.
"A splendid selection of our populace awaits your educated opinion," he said and took up walking next to me.
Then it struck me that if I could not shoot him, I might make some use of him. "Why was I never informed that the Beaton girl had a child?" I asked.
"An excellent question," he said and stopped to look bemus-edly at the falling snow. "I suppose I never thought it was important."
"How is it she has a child and is not married?" I asked.
"Please your honor," he said with a laugh, "need I really explain to you, a man of science, how it happens?"
"No, you dolt. I mean, what was the situation?"
"Well, I believe she was in love with one of the young miners, a fellow by the name of Canan, who, after creating the situation, as you so delicately put it, was done in by another situation, namely a cave-in," he said.
"They were not married?" I asked.
"You have to understand something about Anamasobia," he said. "The rules of refined society are sometimes bent a little here and there, living as we do in such proximity to the ungodly, as I explained to you a few nights ago. I'm sure they would have eventually taken the vows."
"I see," I said. "Is the child male or female?"
"Male," he replied and we continued on our way toward the church.
"She is a promiscuous young woman," I said.
"Promiscuous in her mind, making love to many ideas, and always has been very rebellious."
"How can you allow such things to go on among your people?" I asked, stopping again.
"In the territory, such qualities are not always a detriment," he said- "She is a fine person, though, sometimes too serious for me."
"And who might I find who would not be?" I said, ending the conversation.
He laughed quietly all the way to the church.
Aria awaited me at the altar. I greeted her with an emotionless hello and she returned the salutation in the same curt manner. I laid out the instruments, and we began at once.
I wondered how life could be any more disappointing when, after sending Calloo for the first subject, he brought back with him Mrs. Mantakis. Not having the stomach to face her in the flesh, I told the old marsupial to leave her clothes on.
"But, your honor," said Aria, "do you not wish to inspect her biological possibilities?"
I lit a cigarette and said, "Very well," with as little reaction as possible. As Aria put her through her paces, having her assume all manner of horrid postures, I sat with my arms folded and stared like a man facing a wall. As she applied the callipers and other instruments, calling out the mathematics of her findings, I did not bother with the charade of the tiny notebook and pin, but simply nodded as if I were committing it all to memory. When Aria measured the earlobes, I believe I heard Mrs. Mantakis growl.
"A thief, for sure," Aria said to me after the old woman had dressed and left the church.
"A thief but not a liar," I thought to myself.
The morning wore on, a steady stream of the bereft, the congenitally damaged, geniuses of stupidity passed before my sight without leaving any impression but one of vague disgust. Aria, for her part, though I could palpably feel her hatred for me, worked methodically, keeping her snide remarks to a minimum.
I knew that eventually I would have to accuse someone of the crime if I wanted a chance to save my own skin. I knew also that the punishment for so serious an offense would be execution—the Master's new and efficient system of justice for any crime more serious than spitting on the sidewalks of the Weil-Built City. "Who shall it be?" I asked myself with each subject that passed before me. Then Calloo brought in Father Garland, and I conceived of my plan of revenge against Anamasobia.
Aria was visibly upset by the presence of the little holy man.
Her clear skin blushed a deep red as the father appeared before us, dressed for paradise. I took a quick glance to see if his shrunken penis came to a needle's sharpness like his teeth and nails. Imagine my surprise when my sight corroborated my suspicions. He said nothing but moved his hand in a sign of a religious blessing for us. I had so hoped that he would act up so that I could call Calloo and have him squashed. Aria's hands shook as she moved the instruments over his face and body. When she applied the Hadris lip vise, I almost told her to leave it on him as a good deed to all mankind.
After he was dressed and was preparing to leave us, he turned and said to me, "I have committed no crime but that of love."
"The charge is tedium," I said as he left, and I began working out in my mind how I would convince the town that he had stolen the fruit. I knew that a good measure of my scheme would need be lofty rhetoric, a commodity so exotic in Anama-sobia it would convince by way of its novelty.
"Next!" I yelled and Calloo made for the door. I thought that I could work out my speech as we went through the next few dozen unfortunates.
But Aria called out, "Wait, Willin," to the giant. "Go wait outside for a moment and we will let you know when we want the next one."