“Not like…not like him. They’re guys. He’s a…well…” I hadn’t really thought about this before. Guys wear ball caps. Sometimes backward. This I cannot picture. Guys swill beer and slap buds on the back and often can be observed being pleasant and have even been known to smile. I have never seen this man smile. “He is a man.”
“Man.” Clara hums the word. Chomps a bit of zucchini. “Sooo how long has this succulent slice worked there?”
I fidget. “About five years.” …two months and nine days.
Silence. I really do not know why I brought this up. Why I couldn’t contain it.
Clara wears a look that I have learned over time is a sincere attempt to mask supreme annoyance. “Of course. Emma Baker has the hippity hots for a man she works with for a year and just now sees fit to open up and let her best friend in on it.” She sighs and sounds hollowly cheerful. “That is what BFF stands for, you know: Best Friend Forever, not Being Frigging Forgotten.” She chucks a carrot at me playfully. That’s the grand extent of her capacity for irritation.
I clear my throat and hopefully the air as well. “I don’t work with him.” We interrupt this message to thank God. “He’s got a corner office and a commanding presence and wears suits so very, very well.”
Clara quirks an eyebrow.
Another bite. She squirms in her seat. “Go on. What makes this one so special?”
I shrug. “He’s not special. He’s an asshole.”
“Oh, yeah. Assholes are not special, Emma. Assholes are, however, your specialty.”
I chuck a snow pea at her. But it’s true.
She lobs it back to me.
“So…probably not my Prince Charming then, you think?” I smile.
“You know, Emma, you kiss enough frogs and you end up with HPV.”
“Pretty sure that’s only toads and warts.”
Day of Employment:
361
10:30 a.m.
*
Dress
: Same red sheath number as my first day.
*
Wardrobe
: In need of upgrade. One that does not run on a two-week repeat cycle.
*
Desk
: Clutter-free.
*
Cactus
: Withering away.
“ALREADY?” I’M IN SHOCK. I didn’t even get to place a bet on this last one.
“You snooze, you lose,” Bert says, fanning himself with the small handful of bills and looking disturbingly akin to a cotillion darling.
Across the floor, a red-faced man (with the potentially fakest blond dye job I’ve seen possibly ever) packs up his belongings from the desk outside Alaric Canon’s closed office door. Not his desk. The desk. No one has it long enough to lay claim.
“I was not ‘snoozing.’ I was discussing the profit and loss reports with Rebecca in her office ever since I got here today.”
Bert remains unruffled. “Snooze, schmooze. Same diff.” We all watch Clairol #103 chuck a knickknack dead center against Canon’s door. Then Bert continues. “All I know is I’m going to be buying some new shoes, and you are still gonna be wearing those BOGOs.” He looks askance at my feet.
Well, perhaps he is always a tad bit ruffly.
But, I note my shoes definitely are of the sensible heel variety. I smooth my skirt and tuck my feet under my desk.
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful PA flips his now former boss the bird and snatches his freshly cut check from Rebecca’s hand as he flies out the door.
1:03 p.m.
*
Lunch
: Skipped.
*
Savings
: Dipped into.
“WHOA.” BERT NUDGES MADELINE. “Somebody skipped lunch.” He points toward me.
She looks down. “Ooo, nice shoes. You went shopping? Without me?” She feigns hurt.
Spinning a quarter turn in my chair, I allow myself a moment to admire my shiny, distinctly non-sensible shoes. The shoe fund is earmarked for a particularly gorgeous pair of boots, but these Gianni Bini platforms were drastically clearanced. Their siren song could not be denied.
Whether or not impulse purchase resistance levels are low due to increasing irritation with heedless corner office occupant will not be taken under consideration in this matter.
I head over to give Rebecca the reports before her meeting.
Unfortunately, she’s not in her office.
She is also not to be found in the supply room, copy room, or bathroom. By the time my search reaches our deserted break room, I regret not breaking in the new shoes before wearing them at work.
I take a moment to lean over a table and take the weight off my feet. Just a second. Please. Ugh. A moment of relief, that’s all I’m asking.
I’m pretty certain I look a sight: my face plastered onto the cool table, and my ass up in the air, feet swinging in the wind.
Thunk. One heel slips to the floor.
My toes fumble around until I feel the leather, twist into it, and oh-so-carefully lift it up behind me like a crane until I can reach back and put it on properly again.
I stretch and grunt and twist and probably channel all the grace of Cloris Leachman performing Swan Lake.
Well, that was certainly…relaxing.
Grabbing the reports, I leave just in time to see one Alaric Canon round the corner, gorgeous jaw clenched.
All the air squeezes from my lungs.
He doesn’t even spare me a glance.
Whew. A few moments earlier and that would have been supremely embarrassing.
4:45 p.m.
*
: Empty.
*
Spreadsheets
: Done.
*
Mind
: Preoccupied. To say the least.
ALARIC CANON.
His door stares back at me.
I watched him go in there about five minutes ago.
Or twenty.
Black suit, sky blue tie.
Outline of his frame burned into my retinas.
“Emma? You okay?” Madeline peers over her cubicle wall.
“Hm? Oh…oh, yes. Yes, I’m fine.” Shake the cobwebs from my head. I need to do the same for other parts of me. “Long day.”
“They all are,” Madeline says and performs her end-of-day station shut down shuffle. “I’m heading out after I run over to HR with the picture that PA left today.”
“He was in a hurry to get outta here, huh?”
“More likely, to get away from Canon,” she says, laughing. On the betting pool chart, she makes a winning mark for the day under Bert’s name. “Be ready tomorrow, Emma. Bert is taking us to the cleaners.”
She’s right. Bert is winning all the time. He must have a system.
Or—I think back to his comment about my shoes, my whereabouts, everyone’s happenings—he’s just observant as hell.
I am the quintessential, definitive portrait of observant.
Why I’m not winning these bets every damn time is bizarre.
Hell, no one is more observant of Canon than I am. Need to get my head in the game and apply this recon I have been doing in a more constructive manner. Often these betting pools turn into some serious money, and I am not exactly living the type of life in which Robin Leach is going to show up with cameras in tow.
I look at the closed, hardwood door.
There are worse things to look at.
Oh, I will be ready tomorrow.
Thinking about Canon, I’m ready now.
Madeline leaves.
The office sounds fade away.
No clicks. No buzzes. No chatter.