No, I couldn’t believe it, it had to be a bluff.
Finally I answered.
‘Only what I said before. It was a game of dare-double-dare that got out of hand.’
This time though, I didn’t smile when I said it.
*
WPC Kensington took my back to my cell and told me I’d have to stay in custody while they talked to the girls and decided what the charges would be.
She was just about to close the door when she looked up and down the corridor and spoke to me softly.
‘Look, we all know what you were doing, between you and me, why don’t you say something?’
‘I can’t and I won’t. I’m sorry, but I’m just not a blabbermouth and I never have been.’
‘Well, you’re a fool to yourself,’ she said.
‘I know, but in my job you end up having to keep a lot of things to yourself. Bit like your job I would imagine.’
WPC Kensington laughed at that.
‘Getting your kit off in public. That’s hardly keeping things to yourself.’
‘Well yeah, fair point.’
‘Do you know how we know what you were doing on the Common this morning?’ she asked, but I stayed silent, ‘because another porno mag was arrested up in Walthamstow three days ago doing exactly the same thing. Every copper in the Met must’ve heard about it. We did. These things get around, you know. So, when we got a call to say there was someone on our patch swinging racquets about in the buff, we couldn’t believe it. There must’ve been about six patrol cars all after you at one point this morning. Feel flattered?’
‘Oh yeah, cushty.’
WPC Kensington smiled triumphantly.
‘Let me ask you something, where do you find the girls to do that sort of thing? I mean I wouldn’t have the nerve. How do you find people to strip for you?’
I sensed she was trying to entrap me but I couldn’t quite see how. I answered her question very carefully, watching every word so as not to incriminated myself.
‘Well, the girls volunteer for it. They read the magazine, send in pictures of themselves and, if we like the look of them, we might invite them in to meet us.’
‘And then you take pictures of them?’
‘Yes,’ I answered, unsure of where this was going. I didn’t want to mention any photographers because I figured she was trying to drag Howard into it again so I told her that I took the shots. I also figured this might persuade her that this morning wasn’t a photoshoot because no camera was found.
‘And have you photographed many girls?’ she asked.
‘Oh yes hundreds,’ I told her. ‘But I can’t really go into it because, like I say, a lot of the girls don’t want anyone knowing so I have to respect that,’ I said, hoping that would throw her off the scent.
‘Okay. Well, I’ve got to shut the door now but, look, don’t mention this to anyone, and I mean anyone, but I wouldn’t worry too much about that sex register stuff. I think that’s very unlikely. Not for this. But, like I say, don’t you tell a soul I told you. Okay?’
‘Okay,’ I agreed and breathed a huge sigh of relief as she shut the door.
But then, why had she told me that? What was her game? God, women were such conniving bastards, weren’t they? I decided I had to be even more on my toes around WPC Kensington than her mate PC Butler.
He might’ve been a twat, but at least he didn’t have one to bedazzle me with.
17. Buck Rogered
It was another five hours before we were eventually released. PC Butler and WPC Kensington had one more crack at me but I stuck to my story and refused to budge an inch. The girls must’ve done the same because at about six o’clock all three of us were charged and bailed to appear in two weeks time.
The charges: Public Indecency and Breach of the Peace.
That didn’t sound too bad to me, a fine at worse I figured, so the three of us left to go home. Tanya and Cindy were provided with clothes, which put the mockers on me getting them both back to my place, and I had to make do with a kiss goodbye from each of them at the Tube station.
What a day!
I had a dozen messages from Stuart waiting for me on my answerphone when I got home that evening but I couldn’t be bothered to respond to any of them.
The next morning I’d barely got my arse into my seat when Stuart called me into his office and drilled me about what had happened.
I told him all about it (leaving out the blow-job obviously) and asked him why they’d just shot off and abandoned us. Stuart said that was Howard. It was after all Howard’s car and Howard had been the one behind the wheel but Stuart could’ve made him stop.
‘I tried, I even threatened him but he refused,’ Stuart insisted.
‘Well the girls were fucking furious,’ I told him.
‘Never mind all that, what did you tell the Old Bill? You didn’t mention Bling, did you?’
‘No, I didn’t,’ I replied and gave him the whole story of what I’d said and what I’d been charged with. When I was finished Stuart went off to see Peter and I was left to my own devices.
‘What was all that about?’ Paddy wanted to know, so I went through the whole thing again, although this time I replaced the martyrdom and resentment with exaggeration and high comedy.
‘You fucking silly cunt,’ Hasseem laughed as the story poured out.
As I was talking, Roger answered my phone and called over to me that Peter wanted to see me in his office. He wanted to see me in his office, right now.
What now?
‘Maybe he wants to talk to you about your pay rise,’ Matt suggested.
I knocked on Peter’s door and found Stuart in there already. I took a seat and tried to look as innocent and as non-threatening as possible.
‘Okay, Godfrey. Why don’t you tell me about yesterday?’
So, I told the story again, this time adding the words, ‘So Stuart said...’ or ‘Then Stuart told me to...’ or ‘I wasn’t sure but Stuart reckoned...’ etc at the start and end of every sentence.
When I was finished, I was dismissed for the time being and heard nothing more that day.
In fact, I didn’t even see Stuart again. He and Peter went out somewhere and didn’t come back.
So, I did what I always did on such days and went to the pub for the afternoon.
*
First thing Monday morning, I’m talking eleven o’clock here, I was called into see Peter again.
In his office was himself, Stuart and Peter’s solicitor. I thought I’d been called in to be given legal advice for my up-coming court appearance.
In fact, I’d been called in to be fired.
‘What?’
‘I’m sorry, but the company cannot leave itself open to litigation,’ Peter told me. ‘The police have been in contact with us, as well as the parents of two teenage boys. If we don’t act we are, by definition, admitting responsibility.’
‘Yes, those kids’ parents could take us to the cleaners,’ Peter’s solicitor explained. ‘Disciplinary action must be taken against you, and all links between you and the company must be severed.’
‘But this was his idea,’ I said pointing accusingly at Stuart.
‘My idea was the shoot, my idea wasn’t to do it in public where the whole world could see it happen. You should’ve booked a private court. I told you that this was your responsibility and you agreed to it.’
‘Yeah, but I didn’t think I’d be fucking nicked and sacked for it.’
‘That’s what responsibility’s about, I’m afraid, holding your hands up and accepting the consequences,’ Stuart said without even the slightest trace of irony.
‘You fucking cunts...’
‘Now hold your horses,’ Peter said, stopping me before I could get into my stride. ‘I think you should listen to our proposal before you say anything else. Nigel?’