I had it ready, but I never said it. I saw in his eye that, before I started, he could have given me every word. He looked back at me, full of his answers, hopeless. It took me back. I could remember how it felt. After all I just quoted Achilles: “Come, tell me, then we shall both know.”
He smiled, but anxiously still. He had folded his diptych together, and was hugging it in his arms. After swallowing hard, and gazing at me in something near desperation, he said, “I’m not remembering, Uncle Sim. I’m making it.”
“I don’t know,” I said, “whether that is better or worse.”
“I’ll remember it afterwards, I promise I will.” His face got quite red, not with shame but effort. “I can do it in my head, the first piece of it. That always comes.”
“Always, yes. It’s the finishing is the work.”
“Yes, I know. And when I’m doing that, and I’m stuck, I want to see the shape of the sound. Then I get it, like I did just now.”
“Ah. But just on that piece of wax. Not in your head.”
He laid the folded tablet down, and gave it me word for word. “That’s as far as I’ve got,” he said. “Look if you like.”
Without doubt, it was the best thing he’d done. Boy’s stuff still, of course, and full of echoes; but echoes are the heritage of us all, and he was learning how to make new music with them. He knew it, and if I denied it he’d lose trust in me; or in himself, which would be worse. So I praised ungrudgingly, and saw his face lighten as if reprieved from prison. “I do learn it,” he said. “I go over and over it. I learn it better this way.”
“Well,” I said, giving it weight, “take care it is your staff and not your crutch.” He nodded gravely. Then my mind went back and I could not keep from laughing. “Did they ever tell you at home that when my master and I had to leave Ephesos, I sang in a tavern for my keep?” I saw they’d cautioned him never to breathe a word. “My master was distraught and thought it would be my ruin. But I found it an education. There are plenty of paths to Helikon. Just don’t lose sight of the top.”
After that, I took him out to the Agora and bought him a pet quail, which I knew he longed for, and he went happy to bed. Though he never let me see him writing if he could help, it was understood there would be no more questions. He was getting his Homer well enough; already he had the Departure of Hektor word for word.
“Why,” he asked me once, “did Andromache say their little boy would starve, if his father died? He was King Priam’s grandson.”
“I have often wondered. My guess is that Homer had learned that piece from his master or some great bard, and liked it so well that he had to work on it, and keep it. So he put it there, although it doesn’t fit.”
“It’s so sad. What really happened to the little boy?”
“He was the heir of Troy. So the Greeks threw him off the walls.”
“Poor little boy … It’s much sadder in Homer. Where the orphan comes to the feast and the other boys chase him away, that’s really sad.”
I remembered—though I doubt if he did—the naming-feast of his young brother. He was happy enough at school, his quick wit being admired there, even though he did not go much to the gymnasium. He thought it wasted his time, and I had to agree.
Although I told everyone the truth, that he was my nephew, it soon got rumored that he was my bastard son; as he could have been, from his looks. I denied the charge, but not with too much heat; partly because I felt it almost true, but mostly because I was not sorry to have it believed at court. The boy was no great beauty; you would never see his name inscribed in wine-cups; yet he was comely and bright enough to catch a roving eye. I wanted it known that I took a father’s care of him, and would not have him meddled with till he was old enough to decide such things for himself.
In the last few years, Hipparchos had grown less choice in his pleasures than when I knew him first. There were parties now that I was not asked to, and I guessed why. Anakreon was invited for some time longer, but began to be dropped as well. He told me this with relief.
“I had been wondering, my dear, how it could be managed. After all, Athens is my home now, body and mind, as well as my living. Even so, one has one’s pride. However, it was just a matter of choosing the right moment, when one was seen, and looking round here and there, and raising an eyebrow. It made its mark; more from me, of course, than you. He’s thought you proper for some time. Well, he does know now that I like my company to have a little more style. That kind of hint gets home to him, you know.”
Though the next commission for a choral ode was given to Lasos (“So unfair, my dear; he is never asked because he’s a deadweight at any party”) Anakreon was soon back in favor, and invited with more discretion. One thing did not change at Hipparchos’ court: there was always the reigning favorite, from a good house and quite presentable. Anakreon, whose task it was to celebrate each in song, confided that one could usually do so without disgust. This indeed was true, and the rewards were generous. All the same, I was not sorry to have made my name by treating of other themes. Like every poet, I have sold my praises, in the sense that I’ve been paid for them; but, like Lyra with her lovers, I want freedom to pick and choose. Praising excellence, one serves the god within it; and false praise insults him, it has always seemed to me. The only worse thing is detraction of the good.
So I got on with my own work, which at that time of year was a song for the young virgins, when they came to Athene’s temple with their offerings. It was a year of the lesser festival; but still, it meant a great deal to the girls, and it was a pleasure to train them. Some of them would be chosen later for the Great Year, the Panathenaia. One year in four, it meant as much to the wellborn maids of Athens as Olympia to the boys. Their chorus leader would have the right to dedicate her statue in the precinct, in memory of her triumph. For none of them would there be a Great Year again. Last time, they had been children; next time they would be married. There was always a glow and bloom on them in the Great Year. They could have been young goddesses, and sometimes the sculptors caught it. I don’t know what has become of those marble maidens, since the place was cleared after the Medes. It will all be very grand and new; they will not keep anything that is in their way. Yet I remember those quiet smiles, as if the girls had been lifted to Olympos, where trouble and grief could never touch them more.
Grief comes, though, to human kind, as surely as night comes, or winter rain. Handsome Proxenos had ridden for the last time in the knights’ procession. A ship from Naukratis brought to Piraeus some fever out of Africa; it ran about the city, and overtook other ships after they had sailed. Theas took it, and went down with it at Andros, his next port of call. He was on the mend before I knew he was sick, but it left him weak, and he was a full month picking up. Proxenos, I was told, rode to the port to see off some friend upon a journey. He sickened within two days, and in seven was dead.
I went to the house to condole. He lay in state, crowned with parsley and strewn with sweet herbs; he had died too quickly to lose his looks, and made a stately corpse. His widow and a young girl, with shorn hair and ash-streaked faces, were wailing over him. His father, a bent old man too crippled to leave his chair, was acting host, and I made my call brief so as not to tire him.
When I praised his son for virtue, valor and beauty, he said, “Fate is the master of all things, even the gods. Four sons I had, and only one grew to manhood. Now he is gone in his prime, when I had looked to him to bury me. Well, he has left me a grandson in whom he will live again, his very image at just that age. But he is young to lose a father. He looked to Proxenos for everything, not to a dried old reed like me. What changes I have seen, and never for the better! Now my time comes near, and he will be left head of the family, and he no more than a boy.”