‘The force of things carried us on,’ said her sister. ‘The truth came to the light of itself. Reticence lost its place.’
‘And it generally has so much, indeed almost all there is.’
‘There is still a question to ask,’ said Elton, ‘now we feel that nothing will be denied. Cassius still has some feeling for Catherine. Does he know it is unrequited? If he does not, it spoils it all.’
‘He will never know,’ said Catherine. ‘In a way.he will always know nothing. And now you know enough. I ought not to have made this demand. I should have kept my life and myself in their own place.’
‘I cannot bear people who try to be brave,’ said Ursula. ‘There is the danger that they may succeed, and it is even worse than other kinds of success.’
‘Courage may certainly resemble indifference.’
‘It might almost be the same,’ said Elton. ‘But it is too commonplace to think it is. Does Cassius’s wife know of his coming here? I am glad I am in time to ask that.’
‘I do not know. I would tell you, if I did.’
‘How can we find out?’
‘I do not know. I am an unrewarding companion. I do not pretend to come out of myself.’
‘Well, I daresay that is always pretence,’ said her sister.
‘I will leave you now. I will rest and let you do so. We shall spend the evening together. Our old and our new life will begin.’
‘Will two lives be too much for us?’ said Elton, as the door closed. ‘When we can hardly manage one. There is something I must say to you, Ursula. I am haunted by the thought of Cassius. Beneath that exterior does there beat a faithful heart?’
‘Why are such things always said to happen beneath an exterior? What other place is there for them?’
‘I think they would be less heart-rending anywhere else. And that is not the only thing. I believe the iron has entered into Catherine’s soul. I have wanted to meet an instance of that, but I see it was a dreadful wish. I might weep, if I did not see that your feelings were too deep for tears. I must not be shallow by comparison.’
Chapter 6
‘Well, you will not guess where I have been,’ said Cassius, striding across his drawing-room.
‘We will not, my boy,’ said his father. ‘We will hear you tell us.’
Cassius paused in his advance as space failed, and seemed at a loss for further cover.
‘I will guess,’ said Flavia. ‘You have been to see your first wife.’
‘Yes, well, I thought I had better put my pride in my pocket,’ said Cassius, putting back his head and feeling in his pocket, as if it were the natural place for anything tangible or otherwise. ‘It was a thing to get behind me. So I set my teeth and got it behind. And it went against the grain, I can tell you. I had never imagined myself in such a place. I had to brace myself up, as if I were going to face some great ordeal. And that is what it was. It seemed to be a test of every human quality. I declare I found there were things in me I had never suspected. I seemed to have to deal with a new self.’
‘It brought out your better side. That is always a difficult thing to look back on.’
‘Yes, make a mock of it. I might have known you would. You are not a stranger to me. But it was not an easy thing to do, Flavia. It was the most difficult step I had ever taken in my life. But I could hardly leave the burden of everything on a woman. There is something in a man that balks at that. So I took the bull by the horns and walked up the cannon’s mouth. And now I am glad I did. It has smoothed the way.’
‘So your better side is very good, my boy,’ said Mr Clare.
‘Oh, well, yes, perhaps. Well, I suppose there was an element of something above the average about it. These things are in us when the demand comes. We find there is something there that responds to a call. Otherwise I don’t see much point in maintaining a high moral tone. I would rather have an ordinary person who could come out under a test, than one of your paragons who say and do nothing wrong from morning to night. The little, everyday qualities don’t bear much on deeper things.’
‘Do normally well-conducted people fail under a trial?’ said his wife.
‘Oh, I daresay they do. I have known it. And, what is more, you are failing under one now. So there is an illustration. What other man would come back after an effort on this scale, the greatest he had ever made in his life, and meet such an attitude in his wife? I don’t believe another. What do you really think of what I have done? You must have an opinion.’
‘I think it may have been the best thing. And I see it was a magnanimous one. But perhaps it was rather premature. When did your first wife return?’
‘Today,’ said Cassius, using a full, easy tone, and causing it to swell as he proceeded. ‘An hour or two before I went to her. I told you I took the bull by the horns. What does that mean, if not that I acted at once? And any magnanimous impulse — any impulse has to be acted upon, if it is not to pass. I was afraid this would pass, I can tell you, as I strode along, trusting it would hold out until I arrived. I felt it ebbing away with every step. Premature? It was then or never.’
‘It was decided that it was to be never.’
‘And the decision has been altered, hasn’t it? Or that was the trend of things. First I am looked on as a monster for keeping a mother from her children, and then there is this chill and hush because I try to put right any harm I have done. What is the good of abiding by mistakes? The right way to deal with them is to rectify them. If they are to be sacred, what is wrong with them? Why are they mistakes? And what is to happen to the victims?’
‘Have you no gossip, my boy?’ said Mr Clare. ‘Did not Catherine appear or move or speak? Is there no change in her after nine years? Did she not turn her eyes on you? It was her way to do so.’
‘Well, she is still a handsome woman,’ said Cassius, in a tone of interest in his words. ‘Her hair is going grey, but I think it suits her; I should say it does. I think it adds something to her that she seemed to need. And an older face fits her personality; it never added to her to be young. Oh, she still makes her own impression. I was not ashamed of once having seen her as I did. As for that brother and sister, I barely looked at them. I shook hands and did no more. Indeed I am not quite sure that I did that. I never liked them, and I am not going to begin. I can’t think how she can have turned them out as she did. I thought better of her, I must say; well, better of her judgement.’
‘They have the name of being clever,’ said Flavia. ‘That does not give them a free hand.’
‘Doesn’t it? I suppose you know, as you are hampered in that way yourself. Clever? They may be, if it is clever to be aloof and eccentric, and never say a word like anyone else. I declare, if either of the boys took after them, it would be a grief to me.’
‘When do you wish Catherine to meet them?’ said his wife, in an even tone.
‘Oh, it is “Catherine” now, is it? In what spirit is that said?’
‘I must call her something. What would you suggest?’
‘I suggest nothing. You will decide for yourself. You never take my suggestions; so why ask me for them?’
‘I will take one in this case, if you will make it.’
‘Well, I will not. I have none to make, as you know. You are only trying to harass me.’
‘I must arrange for them to meet in privacy and peace. It is a matter that needs thought.’
‘So it is, my dear; so it does,’ said Cassius, loudly. ‘And thank you for giving it. Thank you for doing your best for me. Thank you for always having done it. It smoothes this piece of awkward road for me, to have you at my side as a support. It is a queer sort of position for a man, to have to depend on one wife to help him deal with another. I declare I could laugh when I think of it.’ Cassius proved his words. ‘And I can’t quite see how I have got into it. It does not seem to fit me somehow. I should have thought I should go through life in an ordinary, humdrum way, and here I am situated as no man has been before or since.’