She was going to have to leave him.
A traitorous part of her mind whispered at her to stay, to give him another chance. After all, he might be right. Jenner might be at the next port they visited. Or she might not be there. Then what? They would go on to Karos, the root of all Pilgrim activity. Just the thought of it made her shiver in horror. He was almost sure to be captured there, and if he were captured, she would be, too. She would probably live; they would see value in a pregnant woman. But there was no way she'd risk such a life for her child, not after she'd seen what the other options were. She was going to have her baby in freedom. Her baby wouldn't grow up to be a Pilgrim no matter what she had to do, no matter how painful it would be.
Standing, she pulled her hair back out of the way and fastened it carefully. She stood, stretched, and took a minute to breath deeply, calming herself for the task ahead. She already had what she needed hidden in one of the drawers. It only took a second to get it out and slide it into her pocket.
She opened the door and stepped into the main room. As she suspected, he had already gone to bed. He had to be tired after his hunt; he always was. That, combined with the sedative she'd dribbled over his meat rool, would be enough to weaken him. She took another deep breath and forced a calm smile on to her face. Time to face him.
She opened the door to the suite they usually shared. A small, dim light glowed against one of the walls. He had fixed it there for her, she remembered painfully. One night she'd tried to go to the fresher and tripped. He hadn't mentioned it beyond checking to see if she was all right, but the next night the little light had been glowing. He was so thoughtful of her needs. How was it that he could be oblivious to the fact that his woman and child needed him now?
She shook her head, pushing the thoughts away. Time to focus on her task.
He was lying in bed, apparently asleep, but as she approached his eyes cracked open.
"Bethany?" he asked. He reached out one arm for her, struggling to sit up. Her heart clenched again.
"Yes, it's me," she said softly, coming to sit next to him. He tried to sit up again but couldn't.
"Sorry, I'm just so tired," he whispered, voice trailing off. "I don't know why I feel this way."
"Don't worry," she said. "It's all going to be fine." she leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Then, before she could change her mind, she slipped the air-syringe the auto-doc had prepared to her specifications earlier and pressed it against his upper arm. Confusion registered in his eyes as it pierced his skin, but the sedative was fast acting. Within seconds he was completely out.
To her disgust, she could feel tears welling up in her traitorous eyes. She didn't want to leave him like this. She didn't want to leave him at all. You don't have a choice, she reminded herself. It's not about you any more; it's about the baby.
Quickly, she left the room and retrieved the small bag she'd packed earlier. She'd put her time at the data terminal to good use. She already knew the time and place of departure for the Grandal, a freighter bound deep into Saurellian territory. It would be slow but safe. Jess had never bothered hiding his stash of credit vouchers from her, so money was no issue. She pawed through the pile of vouchers, trying to decide how much she should take. She wanted to leave him plenty to continue his quest, but at the same time she had to be sure there was enough money for her and the baby. Finally she simply scooped half into her bag, hoping it would be enough. She didn't really know how much things cost anyway, she realized. She had so much to learn it was frightening at times.
Stepping through the door of the living area into the main corridor, she made her way quickly to the cockpit. This was the hard part—she'd seen him call out on the radio several times, but she wasn't even quite sure how to turn the thing on. She fiddled with several dials and knobs before a soft voice spoke.
"This is the ship's computer. May I be of assistance?"
She jumped, then laughed nervously. How silly she was. The computer would call a transport for her.
"I need a transport to the Grandal," she said. "Can you arrange that?"
"Certainly," the computer said. It fell silent, although several lights on the flickering display flashed.
"Transportation has been arranged. Please go to the airlock and I will inform you when transportation arrives."
"Thank you," she said, running one hand over her hair nervously. It was so strange to be leaving the ship without Jess. She just hoped she was able to take care of herself.
Don't be a ninny, she thought firmly. Of course she would be able to take care of herself. She didn't have a choice; the baby needed her.
She left the cockpit and walked down to the airlock. The wait seemed to last forever. Was something wrong? She kept looking nervously toward the door to the living quarters, a part of her expecting Jess to burst out any minute. That was ridiculous, of course. He would be asleep for at least twenty-four hours. The auto-doc had assured her of it.
A green light lit up over the hatch, and the computer spoke to her again.
"Ground transportation has arrived," it said. "Please proceed into the airlock."
The door slid open. Taking a deep breath, she stepped through it.
Chapter Fifteen
Two Months Later
Bethany stretched wearily, and pulled the last of her possessions out of the small storage locker she'd been assigned after booking passage on the Grandal. It was a good thing she hadn't brought much with her, she thought wryly. She looked at her bunk, one of twenty in the cramped room, and sighed in relief. After two months of travel she was finally going to be getting off the decrepit old freighter that had taken her away from Jess. She'd had no idea space travel could be that slow and uncomfortable.
Just thinking of his name was enough to make tears well up in her eyes. It disgusted her, this emotional weakness that seemed to come with pregnancy. Not only was she desperately lonely for Jess, she was an emotional wreck. According to what she'd read, such emotional upheaval was normal during pregnancy, but that didn't make it any easier. Not by a long shot.
She went down to the holding area, mingling with a mixed group of fellow passengers and ship's crew. None of them spoke with each other. The crew kept to themselves, and the passengers were all there for the same reason. They'd been desperate to get away from Barengaria and didn't have enough money to travel like civilized beings. She suspected that more than a few of them might even be on the run. It wasn't a situation that led naturally to comradely feelings.
They stood silently, waiting for the next shuttle to the surface of Vlaxon, a small, agricultural planet that was next on the Grandal's slow run of borderline worlds. The population wasn't huge, but she hoped it was large enough for a woman to lose herself in. According to one of her fellow passengers, there was often seasonal work available in the fields. Having never been out in the open on a planet before, she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Would the sky be frightening to her? Or would it be exciting, a time of new discovery? Either way, she had to have a job, had to find a way to feed her child. If she had fears, she'd get over them, she thought grimly.
The light over the airlock turned green, and the doors leading into the shuttle opened. They all stood back as a group of planetary officials came out. One of them, a tall woman with bright red hair in a gray uniform, spoke.