His ship was parked at the edge of the primitive landing field; the small town where Jenner had taken refuge was too insignificant to have a true space port; he hadn't even had to register a flight path with the planetary controllers. Checking carefully to make sure no one had followed him, he palmed the airlock open and stepped in. It took all of two seconds to reach the door that opened on to the living area.
His eyes flew to her cell in the corner. Bethany was sitting on her chair, watching him with a shadowed face.
He walked across the small room, pulling out the key to open her cage. She stood with dignity, watching his movements.
“Is it done, then?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said tightly. He didn’t want to discuss Jenner with her.
“And did it make you feel good to kill her?” she asked in a mocking tone. “Is Calla alive again?
Have you stopped being a runaway slave?”
Jess glared at her.
“Please,” he said, running a hand through his dark, curly hair. “Please don’t. I just need to hold you tonight. Will you let me?”
She stared at him, as if trying to judge his sincerity. The look on his face must have convinced her, because she dropped her militant stance and came over to him. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his. It was like coming home, and Jess felt himself harden in response. She was the only person who could make him feel anymore.
“Let’s go to bed,” she whispered. “We’re both tired. We’ll think of what to do tomorrow. Tonight let’s just be together.”
“All right,” he said, dropping a kiss on her head. Then she stepped away from him and held out her hand. Taking it, he let her lead him into the bedroom.
Bethany lay back in the bed, one arm thrown over her eyes. She was filled with the sweet, almost liquid lassitude that came after a night of making love. Jess had been fierce with her last night; almost as if he believed that if he only touched her in enough ways, it would make the events of the previous months disappear. She knew better, though. Nothing was going to make his memories go away. Only time could heal his pain.
He'd been like a lost child when he'd returned to the ship. At first she'd felt a sense of relief so profound that she'd wanted to cry. She had been so certain they'd catch him. She'd been told stories of Karos her entire life. It was supposed to be a glorious planet, millions of people united in the dreams and idea of the Celestial Pilgrim, all working together to complete his masterful plan.
Instead, it was a backward, rural place filled with subsistence farmers. There was only one real space port on the whole planet, located near the central temple. The thousands of Pilgrim guardsmen she'd expected didn't exist. Jess hadn't encountered anyone who even seemed to question his presence, let alone cadres of religious zealots.
Karos was just a pathetic, sad little place filled with pathetic and sad people.
After their first, frantic love-making session, he'd left her just long enough to lift the ship into orbit.
Then he was back at her side, sliding into the bed and taking her into his arms. He'd been slow that time, exploring every spot and crevice on her body, slowly stroking her with his lips and hands until she'd cried out, begging for relief. He'd stop, then, right as she was on the peak of ecstasy, only to start again. Finally he'd taken her, pushing them both to a level of they'd never felt before. Her throat was still sore from the cries she'd given. They'd both slipped into sleep, exhausted physically and emotionally.
Now as she lay in bed, she wondered what she would say to him when she got up. Jenner was dead; the quest was over. This was the time where they were supposed to take their child and find some place to settle in peace. But vengeance hadn't given him the peace he'd sought.
Last night he'd screamed in his sleep, alternately calling out for Calla and swearing imprecations against Jenner. When she'd tried to wake him, he'd turned on her, pinning her to the mattress. She'd called out his name and he woke up, confused and horrified at his actions. Then he left her and went to sleep on the couch. She missed his warmth immediately, the comfort of his touch and the sound of his breath. But a small part of her had also been relieved. The hate in his eyes as he'd pinned her down was terrifying. How could a man with such hate in his heart become a father?
A sound at the door caught her attention, and she shifted her arm. He was there, watching her. His face was grim, his eyes dull.
"You need to get up," he said quietly. "We have to talk."
She nodded her head and crawled out of the bed. He watched, seemingly unaffected by her nudity, as she pulled a robe on and moved toward him. He stepped aside as she approached the door, gesturing toward the couch in the living area. Feeling heavy, she sat down. He pulled a chair up before her, turning it backward and straddling it.
"We have to decide what we're going to do now," he said quietly. "You and the baby need a place to live."
"What about you?" she asked. "Don't you need a place to live, too?"
"Yes," he said dispassionately. "I've done some research, and found about four different places that might work out. I've printed out descriptions for you to look over. One of them is the planet Logan is from. He told me that I would have a place with him, if he was successful in his return."
"Do you have any idea if he was successful?" she asked.
Jess shook his head, then replied. "No, but Logan said he'd leave word for me at Dalaron Station if he had a place for us. It's located just inside Saurellian space, a way-station for anyone traveling through the Federation. We'll know for sure before have to make our final decision," he replied. "It sounds like a good enough place. Mid-sized and well-established without being over-populated. If we don't like it we can always move on."
"How far is it?"
"It's a long way," he replied. "It's in the Saurellian Federation proper, not just under their control. It's actually on the far side of Saurellian space."
"I can see some real advantages in that," she said slowly. "You don't have to worry about being caught by the Imperials, and I doubt there are any Pilgrims there."
"No Pilgrims," he said, his eyes showing life for the first time. "It's probably a good, safe place."
"Then it sounds good to me," she replied, leaning forward. He remained silent as she cupped both hands around his face and kissed him. It was a slow, soft kiss, almost chaste. She wanted to show him how much she loved him, how much she and the baby needed him in this lives. He didn't respond, although his eyes were filled with an almost infinite sadness as she pulled away. What was going through his head?
He stood, and reached down with one hand to help her up.
"I'll go plot the course," he said. "We should be ready to start accelerating for our leap into hyperspace in an hour or so."
With that, he turned from her and walked out of the room. She sighed, and some of his sadness washed over her. She shook off the emotion deliberately.
Somehow she had to find a way to connect with him again, she told herself. He was living in the past, filled with regrets. It wasn't going to work like this. Her child deserved a father, not a ghost.
Chapter Seventeen
No matter what she did, Bethany simply couldn't get through to him. He was kind to her, and very considerate of her physical needs, but there was always something missing when he looked at her. There was no sparkle in him, only sorrow. Not that he would dream of discussing his pain with her. No. Jess was too strong for that. Or at least he was pretending to be.