Brendan practically choked, rubbing his eyes in disbelief. “You… you’re talking!”
The squirrels scampered closer, forming a ring around Brendan’s trainers. “Food? Food? Food?” The little voices were annoyed now. Tiny paws stretched out in entreaty. It was such a human gesture that Brendan answered, “I don’t have anything.”
One of the squirrels suddenly reached up a paw and seemed to pull its head off. Brendan gasped. It wasn’t a head. It was a hat. Standing amid the squirrels was a small man with big black eyes and a twitching nose. He was dressed in a suit of grey fur, roughly stitched together. In his hand was a minute 45 silver object, a forked stick made out of metal with a cord strung between the tips of the two tines. It was a tiny slingshot! The little man sneered at Brendan.
“What’s the deal, buddy? You gonna give us some bread or what?” The voice was high and squeaky.
Brendan swallowed, gasping for air. “I… I…”
“C’mon, you selfish jerk. I can smell that tuna sandwich in your knapsack. Fork it over.”
Brendan lurched to his feet. “This can’t be happening,” he choked.
An old woman who was walking along the path stopped short at Brendan’s outburst. “Are you all right?” she asked.
Brendan stared at her, then back at the little man, still standing amid the pack of rodents. Wild-eyed, he looked back at the old woman. “Don’t you see him?”
“See who?” She looked down at the little coven of squirrels. “The squirrels?”
Brendan whipped his head around to glare at the little man, who smiled sardonically up at him.
“The little man! Right there! He’s right there!” Brendan’s voice rose toward hysteria. The old woman suddenly decided that she had better places to be. She backed up a few steps and then turned to hurry back the way she had come.
“Are you gonna give us something or what?” the tiny voice demanded.
Brendan shook his head, moving away from the pack of squirrels. “You can’t be real. You can’t be real!” He tripped over the corner of the bench and fell backward, dropping his knapsack.
“C’mon, lads!” the tiny man cried. The squirrels swarmed forward, their little paws scrabbling at the flaps of the pack, worming their way inside.
“Hey, that’s mine!”
The tiny man leapt easily onto the bench. He moved like the squirrels, in quick darting leaps. “Back off, biggun! It’s ours now!”
Brendan made a grab for his bag but a sudden pain stung his ear. “Ow!”
The tiny man was reloading his slingshot, grinning. His mouth was filled with sharp rows of teeth. “Go ahead, punk! Try that again! Lord Chitter will sting you a second time!”
That was the final straw. Brendan screamed and turned tail. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He ran as if the hounds of hell were on his heels. He ran…
Straight into a tree.
He saw stars… with angry squirrels dancing among them… then blackness.
^44 Do not take your cat’s advice in business dealings. I speak from experience. My cat was my investment manager for three years. I now own over seventy thousand squeaky mice and an acre of swamp in Siberia.
^45 By minute (pronounced my-nyoot), I don’t mean a minute (pronounced mi-nit) made up of sixty seconds. I mean minute (pronounced my-nyoot), which is another word for very small. I suppose a minute (pronounced mi-nit) is a small part of an hour, one might say. A Minute (pronounced mi-nit) Man was a nickname for American soldiers in the Revolutionary War. But they were not minute (pronounced my-nyoot) but capable of being ready in a minute (pronounced mi-nit). A very important difference. Tiny soldiers would certainly have been defeated in short (pardon the pun) order.
A STORM IS COMING
When he woke, someone was standing over him. His eyes watered and his head ached. Blinking to clear his vision, he first saw Kim’s scooter, then her frowning face, her head tilted to the side. She looked to be torn between wry amusement and concern.
“Rise and shine!”
“Huh?” Brendan sat up and immediately regretted it. His head pounded. He probed his scalp and found a large goose egg on the side of his skull. He hadn’t broken the skin but it certainly hurt. Okay. That’s three in three days. I have a streak going. “I was being chased. I ran into a tree.”
“Chased by who?” Her eyes narrowed. “Chester and his pals?” She whipped her head around, searching for a threat.
Brendan opened his mouth to answer and promptly snapped it shut again. What was he going to tell her? He was attacked by squirrels? That he’d seen a little man in a fur coat with a slingshot? That the wind was talking to him? He shook his head, wincing again at the pain.
He’d been desperate to question her about Greenleaf but now he felt a little too ridiculous to begin an interrogation. He brushed the dry leaves from his clothes instead and mumbled “Never mind.” Then, with alarm, he gasped, “My bag…” He suddenly realized he’d left it at the bench.
Kim held it out to him. “I found it on the path. It looks like an animal got into it.”
He took it from her and examined it. The straps were gnawed through and his sandwich was missing, but otherwise, everything was accounted for. He opened his mouth to thank her but he almost choked before he could say a word. Something fell out of his mouth. Looking down on the grass, he saw his braces glinting in the weak sunlight.
“Oh no,” Brendan groaned. “My parents are gonna kill me.” He stuck a finger in his mouth and ran it over his teeth, checking to see if they were all accounted for. They felt strange: smooth and even. He had always been self-conscious about his crooked teeth but they didn’t feel crooked any more. He wished he had a mirror. He grabbed the braces and stuffed them into his pocket.
“That’s a shame,” Kim said, offering a hand to help him to his feet. He accepted it and rose to his feet.
“Thanks,” Brendan mumbled.
“Don’t mention it.” Kim raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm.” She studied Brendan, casting her gaze from his head to his feet and back again.
“What hmmm?” Brendan demanded. “Hmmm what?”
“Nothing,” she said softly. “Just thinking. You look… different. Has anything weird happened today?”
He wanted to shout, Yes, I’m totally losing my mind! I was mugged by rodents! Instead he said, “No. Nothing really. I’m fine.”
She eyed him a little longer and then snapped her fingers. “I know what it is! Your glasses! You aren’t wearing them.”
Brendan’s hand automatically went up to his face. She was right. They were gone. He must have lost them while being chased through the park. “Oh, crap. That’s all I need.” He looked around and saw nothing but leaves and grass. “I must have dropped them somewhere…” He stopped short. How can I see the leaves and the grass? I can see everything perfectly without my glasses! As he continued to look around, he marvelled at the clarity of his vision. He’d always worn glasses. He couldn’t get contacts because he had astigmatism. 46 The glasses were practically a part of his body. Now he was seeing with remarkable clarity, better than he’d ever had even wearing glasses. He looked across the park and read the lettering on the side of a van moving along the street. DAN’S PLUMBING: LET ME TAKE A LOOK UP YOUR PIPES! He laughed aloud.
“You seem pretty happy for a guy who’s lost his glasses and run into a tree,” Kim said, arms crossed.
Brendan realized he had a goofy expression on his face. He tried to settle down. “I dunno. Maybe I’m delirious.”
She looked at him critically. She changed the subject. “You were acting really strange last night.”
Brendan shrugged. Wait a minute, he thought. Isn’t this convenient? She just happens to be here every time something weird goes down. Aloud he said, “Yeah, I’m fine. Lucky you just happened to be there, huh. And you just happened to find me here. I guess I’m just lucky, huh?”
“Yeah, you’re lucky. You’re lucky I hang around you at all, dude.” She softened the words with a laugh. “Hop on.” Kim jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “We better motor if we want to be on time. Let’s find your goggles and get outta here.”