Dmitri smiled, more of a lopsided smirk. “There are worse things to be brave about than a pretty girl.”
Brendan grinned. “Thanks, D. I don’t know why I bother. She thinks I’m a joke. If she thinks about me at all.”
The bell rang to announce the start of class.
“Uh-oh,” Brendan gasped.
The two boys took off at a dead run. Mr. Bowley was a tyrannical old man. They called him Bowelly Bowley but never to his face. Mr. Bowley was a stickler when it came to punctuality. He would stand with his pocket watch in his hand and if you arrived even a second late, he would close the door in your face and point you toward the office to get a late slip.
When they arrived at the door, miraculously it was still open. Not believing their luck, the two boys hurried into the room, taking the assigned workbench that they shared at the back of the room. Brendan checked to see if Kim was still angry. She sat at the front of the room beside Harold. She had her back turned to him. She was looking at the front of the class and though he couldn’t see her face, he could sense by her rigid posture that she was angry.
Brendan followed her gaze and was surprised to see that Mr. Bowley was not there in his customary place at the front of the class glaring at the students. The chemistry teacher, in his pristine white lab coat and polished spectacles, never missed a day of school. He was never sick, never late, and never absent. The students were all certain he was an android programmed by the Board of Education to torture young minds. 26
Today, however, Mr. Bowley was nowhere to be seen. Instead, another man leaned casually against the desk. Dressed in a well-tailored sleek grey suit with a pale green silk vest, the man was tall and thin. His face was… there was no other word but perfect-high cheekbones, a long powerful nose, and expressive grey eyes. He smiled at the class.
“I’m sure you are all wondering where our dear Mr. Bowley has got to. I am happy to say he is perfectly healthy, safe, and sound. Better than sound, truth be told. Mr. Bowley has won the lottery. Understandably, he has decided to take a little time off to absorb his good fortune.”
A buzz of whispering erupted from the students. Everybody was busy consulting with their neighbours. Everybody but Kim. She crossed her arms and glared at the man as he raised his hands for quiet. The man seemed to sense her disapproval and, as he turned his head slightly to meet her gaze, he winked. Brendan found the gesture so odd, almost as if they knew each other. He would have to ask her after class. if she was talking to him. At last the buzz subsided. The man spoke again in his beautifully modulated voice.
“Until he returns, I am your substitute teacher. My name is Mr. Greenleaf. I think we shall get along very well indeed.”
^18 Murderball (also known as Dodgeball): Before becoming the modern pastime enjoyed (or dreaded) by students the world over, Murderball was devised as a means of executing criminals in seventeenth- century Germany. Murderers were sentenced to be pelted with rubber balls until they were dead. However, the murderers became very adept at dodging the balls and so the modern sport of Murderball was born.
^19 Technically speaking, Murderball is not played the world over. Cultures where Murderball is not played have developed their own equivalents. All of them involve weaker, nerdy children being pelted, whipped, or beaten by bullies with handy objects. In the jungles of Borneo, children play Murdervine. In Afghanistan, it’s Murderrock. In Turkey, it’s Murderkebab. In France, it’s Murdercrepe, and so on.
^20 Sadist: A person who enjoys inflicting pain. See also: Mathematics Teacher.
^21 Masochist: A person who enjoys having pain inflicted upon them. Good jobs for masochists include hammertester, rodeo clown, and crash-test dummy.
^22 Feral is a word that refers to an animal that once lived in a domesticated state but has returned to the wild. Housecats become feral, recovering their hunting insincts when returned to the wild. Same with dogs. I once had a tame snail who ran away and turned wild. When I found him, I knew he’d gone feral. His behaviour was the same but there was a dangerous glint in his eye.
^23 Indeed, Murderball has been outlawed in a number of countries around the world. The United Nations has tried to institute a universal ban on the sport but the Russians have used their veto to block the motion. Many believe the powerful Ball Manufacturers Association of Kamchatka to be behind the veto.
^24 Lycopene is an enzyme found in tomatoes that is proven to lower the risk of heart disease. I drink seven cups of ketchup daily. I have a healthy heart. I also have a bright red stain around my mouth. But it’s worth it.
^25 A metronome is a device used to help musicians keep a proper tempo while playing music. It is not a very stylish garden dwarf.
^26 Though it sounds far-fetched, recently an android teacher factory was discovered in the former Soviet Union. They were manufacturing android science teachers completely devoid of human feelings. Studies revealed that they were completely indistinguishable from human science teachers.
THE SUBSTITUTE
The class was mildly stunned by the fact that the grim and cheerless Mr. Bowley had won the lottery. It was hard to imagine such a serious and practical person ever wasting money on a ticket in the first place. Still, the girls in the class were delighted by the change in scenery. Mr. Greenleaf was a definite improvement on Mr. Bowley in the looks department. Already, he was the subject of a number of whispered, giggly conversations.
The sight of Mr. Greenleaf standing at the front of the classroom had sent a weird shock through Brendan’s brain. He was overcome by an odd tingling sensation as though a chill breeze had washed over him from an open window. He turned his head and looked out at the late October sun blazing down on the parking lot, igniting the chrome fixtures of the cars and turning each door handle and side-view mirror into a shining star. The world seemed so intensely clear, deeper in detail and richer in colour. What is going on? That ball must have knocked something loose.
Brendan shivered and rubbed his eyes, trying to focus. Ow! He clutched at his chest. He felt an intense, itchy, burning sensation over his heart. Am I having a heart attack? Am I going to be a story in the newspaper? Seemingly healthy boy keels over dead. Then he realized the sensation was on the surface of his skin and not deep in his chest. He pulled down the collar of his T-shirt and saw that the pale scar was red and inflamed. The spiral had been on his chest over his heart ever since… well always. His parents said it was a leftover from the time when, as an infant, he had pulled on the tablecloth and spilled some hot tea on himself. A fluke accident that had left the curious scar. It had never given him any trouble before.
He felt something jab into his ribs.
“You okay?” Dmitri whispered. The smaller boy was looking at Brendan with concern. “You look a little… funny.”
Brendan faked a smile and shrugged. “Yeah. Just after-effects from a ball in the face, I guess.” He let his collar cover the mark and tried to concentrate. He looked up and saw Kim staring at him. He smiled weakly and waved but she didn’t look happy. He’d seen her angry before but this was something else. She seemed downright hostile toward Greenleaf, but he didn’t seem to notice. Either that or he was just ignoring her.
“Chemistry!” Mr. Greenleaf’s clear, musical voice savoured the word. “What exactly is it?”
Belinda Tindal’s hand shot up. She was a sallow-faced girl with pigtails and enormous braces who could always be counted on to nerd out at the slightest opportunity. Brendan could sympathize. His braces were a pain but hers were of the variety that drew comparisons to antique car bumpers or the cowcatchers on the front of old steam trains. Belinda had also been cursed with every blight that an adolescent girl could suffer: crooked teeth, a spray of pimples across her cheeks, and poor eyesight, just like Brendan, but he had to admit that they all seemed so much worse on her. Still, her disadvantages didn’t seem to deter her from calling attention to herself by being intelligent. Any self-respecting teen would have clammed up and laid low. Brendan had learned that lesson early and well after a painful wedgie from Chester and his pals.