searing commentary on the inadequacies of our public housing system.
"You should write something about it, Mia", Lilly just said to me. "You know, something allegorical, like
about how building a house compares to building an analytic framework for government policy of a small
European principality likeGenovia . I bet anything they'd put it in the school paper."
But really Lilly was just rubbing it in that, ever since I discovered that my only talent is that I can write
things in a semi-entertaining manner and joined the school paper,The Atom, all the editor has let me write
is the weekly cafeteria menu, since I'm a freshman and I haven't Paid My Dues.
But even if Icould get LeslieCho to print my story, it's not like I actuallyknow anything about building
houses. It's not like I am going to be able to contribute anything to the Albert Einstein High School
student construction team, considering what atalentless freak I am- except maybe for the whole writing
thing. But what good, under circumstances such as these, is being able towrite? It would be so much
cooler if I were skilled at using a lathe, or something actuallyuseful to society.
Maybe I should just face the fact that the only thing I can do moderately well is write, and possibly order
Chinese food, and that is highly unlikely that I have some kind of hidden talent for hanging drywall and
that I am going to discover it while building houses for the homeless over Spring Break.
Although- I am sorry- but if I were a poor person, I would so rather have me than BorisPelkowski build
my house. Even if the alternative wasno house, I would not want Boris building my house. I know Boris
is the most gifted person in our whole Gifted and Talented class, but since during a school orchestra
concert Boris went into the third-floor stairwell so he could practice his solo in private and he ended up
locking himself out and had to bang on the steel doors for hours before anyone found him. I mean, the
concert had already ended by then, and everybody had gone home. It was lucky the custodian was still
on duty or Boris might have been trapped in that stairwell all weekend. Without food or water, he might
have died, and on Monday when everybody came back to school, all they'd have found was this
skeleton clutching a violin and wearing a sweater tucked into its pants.
But that's just my opinion.
Friday, March 11, Lunch meeting of theAlbertEinsteinHigh School Housing for the Hopeful Brigade
I am starting to have grave reservations aboutWest Virginia , and not just because Michael hasn't once
asked me if I am planning on bringing my cherryChapStick (his favorite flavor). I mean, I know there are
poor people there and all, but it is still inAMERICA , for crying out loud.
But Dr. Gonzales just gave us this list of things we need to bring with us, and Lilly and Michael and Boris
and Tina and I are just sitting here, reading it, going,Hello , is this a joke? Like, what is a five-gallon solar
shower bag? Where would you even buy one of those? And what is with the potassium-rich, non-melting
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snack items? What are THOSE? What are we going to need potassium for? Don't they have grocery
stores inWest Virginia ? I mean, can't we just go to the deli and buy a banana?
Other things we are supposed to bring include:
Tool belts or cloth nail pouch
Hammer with claw
Gloves for handling rough lumber, hammers, shovels, etc
25-to-30-foot tape measure
Utility knife
Wire cutter and/or tin snips to cut bailing and chicken wire
Small nail puller or cat's claw
Carpenter's pencil
Smallsquare : combo, tri, or carpenter's
Small (short shank), sharp handsaw
Plumb line (optional)
Um, hello.I am a princess. I don't have any of these things. Need a scepter? I'm your girl. Nail puller?
Not so much.
And hello, you would think they would give us some lessons on, like, gypsum board or whatever, but
no. Instead, Dr. Gonzales just gave us these release forms that our parents are supposed to sign, saying
that they won't hold Housing for the Hopeful responsible in the event that we are maimed or killed on the
trip!!!!
Maimed or killed!!!!!
Tina Hakim Baba just raised her hand and wanted to know why the handout says we need to bring a
week's supply of wet wipes with us. Dr. Gonzales says because on cloudy days our five-gallon solar
shower bags might not warm up enough and so we should be prepared either to take a cold shower or
use wet wipes to clean ourselves.
Um, excuse me, but do wet wipes even work onb.o .? How am I going to make out with my boyfriend if
I SMELL?????
Ireally started panicking when Dr. Gonzales asked us all to turn to page 2 of the handout. That's
because page 2 said:
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· Drink plenty of sports drinks, Gatorade, or cranberry juice the week prior to departing. Drink
the Gatorade provided to you at the worksite to raise your electrolyte and potassium levels.
· There are a great many flying insects in this climate. You will need insect repellant.
· Don't pet the local animals since they often carry diseases. Wash your hands immediately if
you do.
· Don't drink the shower water or water from the local spigots.
Don't drink the water or pet the animals?Insect repellant?Gatorade?
Oh, my God, what have I gotten myself into????????
Friday, March 11, princess lessons, the Plaza Hotel
Grandmèrecan't believe Mom is letting me go toWest Virginia . She says she doesn't know who's
crazier, Mom for letting me go, or me for wanting to go in the first place. She read over the release forms
and told me she hoped I'd have fun in boot camp.
"It's not boot camp,Grandmère ," I told her. "It's a nonprofit, nondenominational organization
dedicated to eliminating substandard housing and homelessness worldwide."
"Then why,"Grandmère wanted to know, "does it say here that you need to rise every morning at six
A.M?"
"Because," I said, snatching the forms back from her, "that's probably when they serve breakfast."
Grandmèreshook her head. "The last time I got up at six A.M. was when the Germans were shelling the
palace, back during the war. Nothing short of anti-aircraft fire should get a princess out of bed before
eight. Anything earlier is indecent. It is not too late, Amelia, for you to join me inPalm Springs , where I
am going to relax from the stress of our daily princess lessons. It isn't easy, you know, teaching a young
girl all she needs to be regent, day in, day out. Are you sure you don't want to come with me? There's
no need to wear insect repellant in the desert. And there won't be any wet wipes. Just the beautiful
crystal waters of the hotel pool, and Belgian waffles from room service..."
"No!" I yelled, because the waffle part sounded really tempting. I bet nobody at the spa where
Grandmère is going ha to worry about their potassium level. "I am going to spend my Spring Break doing