yourself," so now Lilly, Tina, and I are all crammed into one seat until we get to the first rest stop on the
N.J. Turnpike and the bus driver can give the floor a good hosing. Principal Gupta says as soon as we
pull over, she is going to buy some Dramamine and make Boris take it. Boris says Dramamine makes him
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drowsy and robs him of his personality.
I can't wait.
Anyway, Lilly has already started filming. She got a very good close-up of the vomit. She started filming
at five A.M., which is the time everybody had to be atAlbertEinsteinHigh School with all of our stuff in
order to catch the bus. Everybody had a lot of stuff, especially considering that this trip will only last five
days.
The person with the least luggage is Lars. Even though I lobbied very hard not to be accompanied on
this trip by my royal bodyguard, m dad insisted. He said he wasn't thrilled about my going in the first
place- Dad wants me to spend every vacation I get inGenovia - but since Mom had already said I could,
he wouldn't contradict her. He wouldn't, however, allow me to go without protection from would-be
kidnappers. All of my arguing that Tina was getting to gosans personal security system Mr. Hakim
Baba has no enemies, it turns out, in West Virginia, and soWahim gets a well-earned vacation...only he's
not as happy about it as you would think, since it means Lars gets Mademoiselle Klein all to
himself...well, and Mr.Wheeton seemed to fall on deaf ears. Lars was going, my dad said, and that's
it.
At least Lars travels light. All he brought is one small duffel bag. I asked Lars where his sleeping bag and
pillow were, and he just smiled. I hope he does not think he is sharing mine. I love my bodyguard, but not
that much.
Anyway, Lilly is filming everything on the bus so we won't forget a thing. She took a good long shot of
the sign hanging over the bus driver's head. The sign says:
I AM YOUR BUS DRIVER,CHARLIE.
SAFE, COURTEOUS, AND RELIABLE.
PLEASE STAY BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE.
While we were stuck in traffic in front of the Lincoln Tunnel, Lilly asked us what we thought Charlie
would do if Principal Gupta suddenly threw herself across the yellow line.
"Because Charlie is safe and reliable," Tina said, "he would probably go, `Miss! Stay behind the yellow
line!'
"Yes," I agreed. "But because he is also courteous, he'd probably put it like, `Please, miss! Stay behind
the yellow line! Thank you!'"
For some reason, this made us laugh until we felt like throwing up ourselves.
Only six and a half more hours to go until we get there.
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Saturday, March 12,10 a .m., somewhere along theNew Jersey Turnpike
Michael and I are finally sitting together, but we are not making out yet, because Michael does not
believe in public displays of affection, because, as he says, Some Things Are Private.
Which I fully understand and appreciate.I mean, it is not like I want him to go aroundFrenching me in the
caf , or whatever.
But you know,holdinghands wouldn't hurt.
On the other hand, it is sort of uncomfortable to hold hands for any extended period of time. Mine
always starts getting all sweaty. My hand, I mean. Michael's doesn't. His hands are never sweaty.
Maybe on account of him being a musician and all.
Maybe I am suffering from a genetic mutation. I mean, on top of my flat-chestednessand
lack-of-useful-skill-ism. Maybe I've got an extra-sweaty-hand chromosome, or something.
Anyway, Charlie, being safe, courteous, and reliable, hosed down Boris barf when we got to the Molly
Pitcher Service Area, and then we all got back on board, and with the windows down, you really can't
smell it that much. Principal Gupta gave Boris a good dose of Dramamine, and now he is unconscious
with his head lolling against Lilly's shoulder. I guess he wasn't kidding about motion-sickness medicine
causing him to lose his personality. We should give him some every day, if you ask me.
Still, even though Boris spent most of the beginning of the trip barfing, that hasn't stopped him and Lilly
from being the first couple to get caught making out. The were first spotted sucking face in the Roy
Rogers at the rest stop, and a sharp rebuke from Principal Gupta caused them to spring apart.
But just recently I looked toward the back of the bus, and they were at it again! Those two can't keep
their hands off each other!!!
I wish Michael would look back there, and realize maybe alittle PDA couldn't hurt...
Oh, my God, I am so tired. And my hair smells a little like Boris's barf. I can't wait until we get there,
and I can wash my hair, and then all the kissing can start.
Saturday, March 12, 5 p.m., Hominy Knob, WestVirginia
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Oh...my...God.
We're here. We finally arrived, and Charlie unloaded our bags, and then we had to pick them up and
carry them to...
OUR TENTS!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!! TENTS!!!!!! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN TENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I realized, of course, that we'd be sleeping intents, I saw pictures of them in the brochure.
But the tents in the brochure had, like, wooden floors, and were raised off the ground. These tents have
no wood supports at all. And they are RIGHT ON THE GROUND. WHERE THERE ARE ALSO
SNAKES.
I have never slept in a tent in my life. Seriously, I am not trying to be a princess about this, but, I mean,
what about bears? And don't tell me there are no bears around here, because we are SURROUNDED
by woods, there is NOTHING but woods in West Virginia, and yeah, Principal Gupta keeps going on
about how beautiful it is, and look at the mountains and smell the clean, fresh air, but hello????
BEARS!!!!!!!!
And didn't she ever seeThe Blair Witch Project? I mean, I will admit I watched that entire movie with
my eyes closed, but it SOUNDED really scary, and I believe it took place, um, where? OH YES, THE
WOODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is it. We are all so dead.
Lars says not to worry, that he will make sure no wild animals or serial killers get into the tent Lilly and
Tina and I are sharing. But I don't know. That's what the people inThe Blair Witch Project did, and
look what happened to them! All they founded of that one guy was his finger! I do not want to find
Lars's finger! I do not want to loseLars, he is an excellent bodyguard with a good sense of humor. Plus
he doesn't mind when Michael and I make out. Do you know how rare that is in a bodyguard????
Anyway,West Virginia itself isn't so bad. So far we haven't met one person wearing a gunnysack or
playing the banjo in a menacing way. Everybody looks...well, just like people inNew York . We haven't
met our "host family" yet. The way it works is, we are all split into groups, and then each group is
assigned to a host family, and then they work on that family's house. I was very scared about the group