"But you did lecture the other Khaldonians. Did you by chance discuss geography with a Doctor Isayin in Kalwm City?"
"Now that you mention it, I believe I did. He'd heard of the theory that the planet was round and wanted my opinion as a space traveler. So I answered his questions truthfully. Why?"
"They've got the poor blighter in jail, awaiting execution for heresy. You evidently sold him so well on the round world that he started preaching it to his students."
"Oh, how dreadful! I don't suppose there's anything we can do for him?"
"Not bloody likely. It's just luck they didn't toss you in quod, too, or chop off that pretty head."
"Oh, come now! I merely answered a straight question, as any Earthling would have done. If Isayin had no more sense than to take a private conversation and spread it abroad—"
"That'll be a big consolation to him, I'm sure, when they impale him or whatever they do to heretics here. In a strange society, you have to learn to weigh each word before you say it."
She insisted: "But when you see a group headed for obvious disaster, it's only decent to drop a word of warning. You don't let a blind man walk off a cliff. Like, Khorosh had just discovered paper money; so I told him what would happen if he flooded the country with it—"
"Hah! You just said you didn't lecture anyone in Zhamanak, and now it seems the first thing you did was to tell the king where he got off—"
She jumped up. "You big male bully! There's no reasoning with you, you ..." Mjipa retreated into morose silence, puffing great clouds of smoke and muttering: "Why in hell did I risk my bloody neck trying to rescue a blasted American female pedant ..."
When Karrim had made half a circuit of its primary, the ruler, Khorosh of Zhamanak, appeared resplendent in gold and scarlet body paint in the garden outside the bars of the terrace. With him was another Krishnan, of similar size and build and likewise nude, shaven-headed, and painted. But this was a female. The pair walked in formal fashion, Khorosh holding out his arm and the female resting a hand lightly upon it. A Krishnan tootling on a flute preceded them, while behind them walked another servant holding an enormous parasol over their heads.
"Good-day to Your Awesomeness," growled Mjipa.
Alicia repeated the greeting.
"Are you in comfort, O Terrans?" said the slender Heshvavu. The flutist ceased his tune.
"It could be worse," said Mjipa. "Our real complaint is the loss of our liberty, without just cause."
"We decide what is just and unjust here," said Khorosh. "But tell us: our men have watched you twain night and day. Not once, they report, have you sought the solace of sexual embrace; the which, we understand, is done by Terrans much as amongst real people. Wherefore is this?"
"Our principles forbid," said Mjipa. "We Terrans have rules as to who may make love to whom."
"Aye verily; so have we. But your rules mean nought here, any more than would our ordinances in your world."
Alicia spoke: "Nonetheless, sire, we'll do what we think right. You can make me live with Consul Mjipa, but you can't make me sleep with him."
"Sleep?" The Heshvavu looked puzzled. "What hath sleeping to do with it? Do Terrans then, copulate only in their sleep? We suppose we could get you a larger bed ..."
"No, no. It's a—" She turned to Mjipa. "How would you say 'euphemism' in Khaldoni?"
Mjipa spread his hands. "Good lord, how should I know? They may not even have the concept."
She turned back. "It is a—a manner of speaking, my lord. We Terrans often use one term to mean another."
"Strange! Hath your language no plain, simple word for futtering?"
"Oh, yes, it has one. But I try not to use it around Consul Mjipa. It hurts his ears."
"Stranger and stranger! Canst tell us this word?"
"I can whisper it, if you come close to the bars."
"Nay!" say Khorosh. "We are not so simple as to trust ourselves within reach of your companion's mighty arms. We know! O Yorbuv!" the king addressed his flutist, standing patiently nearby. "Go to the bars, that Mistress Dyckman shall whisper this mysterious word to you; then repeat it to me."
The flutist nervously approached the barrier and presented a pointed ear. Alicia whispered. Yorbuv turned to Khorosh, saying: "Methought, Your Awesomeness, that it sounded like phwkh."
"That's close enough," said Alicia. "The way Goodman Yorbuv says it, it wouldn't cause Consul Mjipa's ears the least distress."
"Very interesting," said Khorosh. "But it gets us no nigher unto the resolution of the problem. My consort, the Heshvava Phejerdel—" (he indicated the female by his side with a small head motion) "—is also eager to behold the consummation of your relationship." The Heshvavu gave the ghost of a Krishnan smile. "She thinks the sight might furnish us with ideas wherewith to better the royal connection."
Alicia asked: "Does Your Awesomeness mean that not all is harmonious in your royal household?"
" 'Tis not a matter for discussion amongst the vulgar; but we'll grant that you've put your shaft in the shaihan's eye. Even monarchs suffer the woes of other mortals."
"I fear," said Mjipa, "Her Awesomeness will be disappointed in her hopes, for reasons explained. Of course if Your Awesomeness would deign to confide your marital problems to us, we should be glad to proffer advice, based upon wide study and experience, in return for our liberty."
"Nay, nay, fellow, that were presumptuous. But tell us: wherefore persist the twain of you in wearing those garments, which in our salubrious clime are quite needless for warmth?"
"It's a matter of custom," said Mjipa. "We think it more seemly."
"Besides," said Alicia, "we need the pockets for our things."
The Heshvavu stood for a while in silence, staring out from under bushy antennae. Then he said: "We are told that, to a Terran, the sight of another Terran, of the opposite sex and nude, so rouses its animal instincts as to compel it to copulate."
"A ridiculous exaggeration!" said Mjipa.
"It may be true of some males," said Alicia. "Most Terran females don't find the men's dangling parts especially beautiful."
"Indeed?" said Khorosh. "We shall see."
He turned to one of his bodyguards and shot an order. The naked king spoke too fast for Mjipa to follow. But Mjipa was not surprised when, seconds later, the door of the inner apartment flew open and a dozen guards and wardens came in. They rushed upon the captives, seized them, and stripped them. They tore off Alicia's shirt and shorts, heedless of how they ripped the garments and popped the buttons.
With Mjipa they had a harder time. Mjipa tore loose, knocked one Zhamanacian flat, broke the nose of another, and sent another reeling back clutching his belly, before the rest fastened on him and held him until he wore himself out struggling. Then they relieved him of his kilt; of the G-string that, in deference to Earthly prejudices, he wore beneath it; of sandals, money belt, and jadeite identification medallion. Two helped the one whom Mjipa had knocked down to stagger out the door; two others bore away the prisoners' garments.
"A pretty show," said the Heshvavu outside the bars. "We are interested to see that you twain are those same curious colors, pale pink and near-black, all over. What are those curious little scars at the center of your bellies?"
"We call them navels," growled Mjipa. "They have to do with our manner of birth."
"Wert not so recalcitrant," continued the Heshvavu, "O Terran, a place might be found for you in teaching our warriors how to fight with the fists. We perceive that you are skilled at that martial art. May your livers be light!"
Preceded by his flutist playing a tune, the king and his queen strolled off. Alicia Dyckman looked at Percy Mjipa; the latter stared at the ground. She said:"Oh, look up, Percy! The sight of me doesn't turn people to stone. Now help me find my bub-buttons."