I contemplated what he said and realized that I was relaxed. The anger that always seemed to be just below the surface was slightly dissipated. “Huh, guess you're right.”
“Of course I am. I have diplomas and doctorates to prove that I'm right regardless.” His sarcasm had me smiling. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
“So, where do you want to begin?”
“At the beginning, of course.”
“Like, birth?”
“No. How did you get here? What started it all?”
Then again, I've been known to be wrong. I tensed as the anger started to rise. “I don't like talking about that.”
“You know, I've read all the documents from the incident and talked to your psychologist back in California as well as talked to Rebecca,” I flinched slightly at the sound of her name. “What I haven't done though, is judged you or condemned you because of those facts.”
“I do not like to talk about it. It doesn't matter what you say or don't say, people always judge. Including you.” My anger was rising swiftly. I began to feel the darkness spread, like the toxin my life had become.
“So you're afraid to talk about it because you don't want people to judge you.”
“No! I'm not afraid to talk about it and people already do judge me. I don't like to talk about it because I don't have any answers to give!” I threw my arms out angrily then slumped back in my seat.
“How can you not have any answers when you were there? Didn't you see what happened?”
“Look, I can tell you what happened. What she was doing, what I was doing. What she said and what I had said. I can even tell you what I was eating for crying out loud, but everything that I would tell you are already in the files that you've read through.” I gestured to the files that were stacked neatly on top of his desk.
“You're right, these files told me everything, except for the most important part. They won't tell me how your break in friendship with Rebecca started. They didn't tell me how you felt when everything happened, or even how you felt before and after everything happened.”
“How will that help anything?” I rubbed my hand slowly across my forehead, already weary of this discussion.
“You'd be surprised. So, how did you and Rebecca become friends?”
“Do I have to do this?” I looked at him hopefully, praying for some mercy. But by the determined look in his eyes I knew that there was no turning back. I wouldn't be able to get out of this. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the onslaught of breaking open fresh wounds.
“Fine. Rebecca and I became friends in elementary school.”
“That young huh? What made you decide to be her friend?”
I smiled from the memory, it was one of the few good ones I had left. “It was the shirt she was wearing. If you've noticed, I have a tendency to dress in dark colors. Becca was the only girl besides me who wore a black shirt to school that first day, but instead of hers having a hot pink bunny on it, she had a neon blue bunny. We hated each other on sight. During that first day, we didn't talk to each other at all, just kept glaring at each other and making small little comments about whose shirt was better. At the end of the week, we finally had enough and fought it out. Ever since that fight, we were inseparable.” My smile fell as my mind started focusing on everything else that happened.
“So you were happy with her as your friend.”
“Yeah, she was like a sister to me. I loved her more than anything and trusted her completely.”
“When did your friendship start to fall apart?”
“Freshman year. She wanted us to keep being the same, experiencing the same things. I wasn't ready for a lot of what she wanted us to do.”
“What was it she wanted you guys to do?”
I started to panic. I'd never told anyone the entire truth before. No one would have believed me and while I doubted James would I still didn't feel comfortable revealing everything after so many years of lying. Frantic, I looked around for an escape. Seeing the time I breathed a sigh of relief and stood up quickly. “Well, look at the time. Our sessions over. Same time next week?” I left before he could say anything. Mom had already drilled the time into me, so his assent wasn't needed. I was proud of myself. For once I started talking about Rebecca without the darkness taking over. Maybe this was a sign that things would get better.
Chapter Eight
Bleary eyed, I felt around my nightstand, trying to find the evil alarm of doom. When I found the nefarious box I started slapping at it blindly, hoping to shut it up. I scooted closer to the nightstand and began hitting it with my fist. “Ugh— just shut up!” I grabbed the cord and yanked on it until it popped free of its outlet, filling the room with blissful silence. I threw the offensive clock to the ground then rolled onto my back and blinked at the ceiling.
As my eyes came slowly into focus I was tempted to bury myself under the comforter and go back to sleep, but I made the mistake of looking at the time on my cell phone. “Shit.” I jumped out of bed and tripped over the alarm clock. I sent a mental death threat its way as I rushed through my morning routine.
Mom was waiting by the door with my car keys and a to-go cup of coffee as I ran up the stairs. I mumbled a thanks as I grabbed the items and headed out to my first day of work.
I found a parking spot closer to The Nook and debated actually going in. Surely I could find a different job somewhere else. I contemplated where else I could work as I looked up and down the street. Hunting shop, hardware store, camping store... general store... shit, there's really nothing in this damn town. Sighing, I got out of the car and prepared myself for a day spent with Rosemary.
I walked in and was glad to see that it was busy. I glanced around and saw Mary Beth waving from behind the coffee counter. I raised my coffee cup up in greeting and pasted a smile onto my face.
“Good morning, dear! Sleep well?”
“Good morning, yes I—''
“Well, enough chit chat, we've got some things to do today. Come along, no more dillydallying.” Mary Beth fluttered off toward the 'office'. I sighed and began to follow. My coffee cup was ripped from my hand as I rounded the bar.
“What the hell!” I watched in horror as Rosemary dumped the contents out into the sink.
She smiled sweetly and turned back to the customers. “No food or drink brought in from the outside. House rule.”
“Fine, then can you make me a cup? I'm a zombie without any caffeine.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Sorry, too busy.”
“Star! Remember, timeliness is next to Godliness! Now quit making friends, there will be time for that later!” Mary Beth's stern reminder came from the open office door. I sent one last glare Rose's way and headed in.
The office was a chaotic mess. Files were strewn everywhere and boxes of inventory were stacked haphazardly along the walls. I looked around, searching for Mary Beth among the mass of disarray. “Mary Beth?”
“I'm here dear, just trying to get this— umph! Ah, here we are.” Rising from behind a pile of bags, she appeared with a uniform in hand. “I believe these will fit just fine.” She handed them over to me and started sorting through piles of paperwork on her desk. “Let’s see, where did I put those—”
“Can I help?”
“No, no, you just go on to the bathroom and get changed into your uniform. There's a lot for you to learn today.”
“Um, where's the ba—''
“You're going to learn the basics today, nothing too hard mind you. Just our running procedures, book stocking, working the cashier, placement and the like.”