She frowned and sat Indian style on the floor. “What did they say?”
I thought for a moment, distracting myself by picking small bundles of lint from her comforter. I knew how much it took Rose to talk about her Dad. Knew that I should return that trust, but I couldn't. The past year of hiding everything and lying had become too natural. I couldn't open up to her. Not yet. I shook my head. “Just, never mind.” I got up and walked to the door, pausing to look back at Rose. “I'll talk to you later.”
I sat in my car as my parents words played over and over in my mind. My rage was almost non-existent after the huge 'incident'. My parents were right when they said that there's always a break after each one. I always felt more like myself afterward, more in control. But it always starts back up again, leaving me feeling lost in the myriad of tumulus emotions. That was almost worse than dealing with the constant darkness. I shook my head to clear the heavy thoughts away and got out of the car to walk inside.
My parents rushed into the entryway as I opened the door. They ran to my side and pulled me into a tight embrace. I allowed a moment to take in their comfort and sank into the warmth and familiar scent they offered. I pulled myself back together and grudgingly stepped out of their arms.
I stepped back from them and looked into their eyes, searching for the blame and fear I'd come to believe would be there. After the previous nights 'incident' I really couldn't blame them if they feared me. My eyes welled with tears and I held back a sob. I saw nothing but worry and love shining from them.
“Why in the world did you disappear like that?” Mom half yelled, her relief quickly being replace with anger. I looked away from them and remained silent. I refused to bring up the fact that I spied on them.
“I'm sorry.” The flood of tears being held back made my voice husky. I moved back as Mom tried to hug me again and flinched at the flash of pain in her eyes. She backed off and moved to Dads side.
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her protectively to his side. “Yeah, well sorry doesn't fix anything.”
“Look, I wasn't anywhere dangerous of doing anything wrong.” The taste of the lie soured my mouth.
“That doesn't matter, you shouldn't have just disappeared like that! Do you know how worried we were? If it wasn't for Mary Beth calling and letting us know you were spending the night with Rose we would have called the cops!”
“Actually, you can't do that until the person in question is missing for twenty-four hours—”
“Enough! I've had enough of your switching temperaments and sarcastic attitude!” his face flushed with his bursting anger.
“Paul, that's enough.”
“No, it’s not enough! We've been babying her, and look at where it's gotten us! I've had enough of this!” he stepped away from her and stalked toward me. I'd never seen him that angry before. I stepped back as he advanced, fear flashing through me. He grabbed me roughly by the shoulders and looked menacingly into my eyes. “You will straighten up, or you will leave.”
Tears streamed down my face as my control broke. I couldn't deal with this anymore. It was all too much. “Daddy, I didn't mean to—”
“You never mean to! You say the same damn thing time and time again! Stop acting like a baby and take responsibility for your actions!” he spat into my face, shaking me lightly at the shoulders.
I stiffened, feeling the anger slowly start to return. No. Not again, not so soon. My tears dried up, the building rage replacing all other emotions. “Let go of me.”
He released me and backed away. Mom tried to pass him to reach me, but he stopped her progress, pushing her slightly behind him.
“Baby girl—” she began pleadingly. “Please, just tell us what we can do to help you— we just want you back.” Tears streamed from her beautiful jewel like eyes as she held her hand out to me, silently begging, beseeching me to let them in.
I stepped away from them and slowly shook my head. “I've told you. A thousand times over, I've told you. But you refuse to listen. You don't want to believe.” I ran my hands viciously through my hair, trying to keep rein over my rising anger. The darkness pulsed in time with my racing heartbeat, electricity sparking across my skin.
“Star, please—”
“No! You say you want to help but all you do is condemn me! I don't know what's happening to me! How many times do I have to keep telling you that?” I gestured wildly as I felt the darkness flare within me. I shook my hands, trying to get rid of the excess energy coursing through me. I was becoming desperate. I didn't want to hurt them, could never hurt them regardless of how much they've hurt me.
“How can we help you? Just tell us and we'll do it!” she cried out. I saw the truth within her eyes. She wanted, needed to fix everything. To have it all go away. But she couldn't. No one could.
“You can't help me! No amount of talking or punishing me is going to make anything change! You think I'm the only one who's changing?” A bitter laugh burst free as I felt more and more of myself become consumed by the darkness. Almost drowning out my inner voice that was crying out in panic.
“When did you both turn on me? For fucks sake, you're my parents! But all you've done is try to get me medicated, thinking I'm losing my mind, having me believe it! You automatically think anything that happens is because I want it to!” I couldn’t throw in their face that I didn’t cause things to happen. After the blaring truth last night, I couldn’t deny it anymore. “When did you both turn from loving and trusting me to condemning and fearing me?” I looked at their stunned faces and felt my control wavering, on the breaking point. “You can't even deny it, can you?” Scoffing, I quickly moved past them, fleeing to my room, my sanctuary. The haunted look on my parent’s faces followed me, adding to all the images that forever haunted my mind.
Chapter Sixteen
I fell asleep curled in my wicker chair. I opened my bleary eyes as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I dug clumsily for my phone, not gauging the edge of the chair correctly. I landed on the floor with a startled 'oomph' as I fell out of the chair, my phone skidding across the fool. I grabbed it and answered with a hurried, “Hello?”
“Star! Where the hell are you? You were supposed to start shift twenty minutes ago!” Rose's annoyed voice came through the speaker. I held the phone away from my face and looked at the time.
“Shit! I'm so sorry! I got into a fight with my parents last night and completely forgot about setting my alarm for work.” I jumped up off the floor and hurried around, trying to find a clean uniform.
“Just hurry the hell up and get over here. I've covered for you for a minute but it's starting to get packed in here. All the locals are starting to come back and most of the tourists haven't left yet, so we're getting freaking swamped.”
“Rose! Need you over here!” Came a muffled yell through the phone.
“Coming!” she yelled back, causing me to move the phone away from my ear. I found a semi-clean uniform and hurried into the bathroom, stepping into my pants and jumping to pull them on while holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder. “I'll be there in fifteen.” I hung up without waiting for a reply and slipped my uniform top over my head then quickly ripped a brush through my hair. I winced as it ripped through tangles and took part of my hair with it. I threw it up into a quick, messy ponytail, grabbed my keys and shoes and ran up the stairs.
I got both of my shoes on without stopping as I hopped to the door, which was a feat in itself. Racing to my car, I quickly started it, threw it into drive and sped off.