“Oh, Hugo,” she said.
The fingers of one hand caressed her neck.
“Yes,” he said softly, “I have forgiven myself for being alive.”
“I love you,” she said into the fabric of his neckcloth.
For a moment she was horrified. Had she really spoken aloud? He did not reply. But he bent his head and kissed her softly and briefly in the hollow between her shoulder and neck.
And so the words had been spoken aloud—by her at least. And really it did not matter. He must know anyway. Just as she knew that he loved her.
Did she know that?
Of course she did. He had just said so in other words. I wonder if I would meet the same woman in each life …
Love might not be enough. He had said as much in London when he had come to tell her he was not going to court her.
And then again, it might be.
Perhaps love was everything. Perhaps that was what they would learn if they had thirty-three lifetimes together.
“Some people have wilderness walks on their estates,” he said. “I have thought maybe I ought to have one too. But they usually have hills and masses of trees and views and prospects and all sorts of other attractions. I have none of those things. A wilderness walk here would be just that—a walk through the wilderness. It would be silly.”
“Daft?” she said, lifting her head and looking up at him.
He tipped his head to one side.
“That is not a very elegant word for a lady to use,” he said.
She laughed.
“A definite path meandering through the woods would be pleasant,” she said. “And there is room here for more trees, perhaps some rhododendrons or other flowering trees or bushes. Perhaps a few flowers that would grow well in the shade and not be too gaudy. Bluebells in the spring, for example. Daffodils. There could be some seats, especially in places where there is something to look out upon. I noticed a few moments ago that I could see the spire of the church in the village. I daresay farther along here we will see the house. There could be a little summer pavilion, somewhere to sit even when it is raining. Somewhere to be quiet and relax. Or read. It is what Crosslands is all about, after all, and why you were attracted to it. It is not a place that is spectacular for its picturesque beauty and its prospects, but just a plain statement of something good—of the peace and joy that come with the ordinary, perhaps.”
He was gazing down into her eyes.
“It would not need fountains and statues and topiary gardens and rose arbors and boating lakes and alleys and mazes and Lord knows what else?” he said. “The park, I mean.”
She shook her head.
“It could do with a few delicate touches here and there,” she said, “but not much. It is lovely as it is.”
“But a bit on the barren side?” he said.
“Just a bit.”
“And the house?” he said.
“The paintings need to go.” She smiled at him. “Was the house fully furnished when you purchased it?”
“It was,” he said. “It was built by a man who, like my father, made his money in trade. He built it with all the best materials and furnished it with all the best furniture and never actually lived in it. He left it to his son when he died. But his son did not want it. He went off to America, to make his own fortune, I suppose, and left the house for an agent to sell.”
Sad, she thought.
“Just as I went off to war and left my own father,” he said.
“But you came back,” she reminded him, “and saw him before he died. You were able to assure him that you would take over from him and care for his business and his wife and daughter.”
“And I have just realized something else,” he said. “It would have broken his heart if I had been killed. So I am glad for his sake I did not die.”
“And for my sake?” she said.
He framed her face with his great hands and held it tilted up to his.
“I am not sure I am much of a gift,” he said. “What do you think of my family and Connie’s?”
“They are people,” she said. “Strangers who will become acquaintances, even perhaps friends during the coming days. They are not so very different from me, Hugo, and perhaps they will find that I am not so very different from them. I look forward to getting to know them all.”
“A diplomatic answer,” he said.
And perhaps a little naïve, his expression seemed to say. Perhaps it was. Her life was as different as it could possibly be from that of Mavis Rowlands, for example. But that did not mean they could not enjoy each other’s company, find common ground upon which to converse. Or was that a naïve belief?
“A truthful answer,” she said. “What about Mr. Tucker?”
“What about him?” he asked.
“He is not a relative,” she said. “Is there something between Constance and him?”
“I think there may be,” he said. “He owns the ironmonger’s shop next to her grandparents’ grocery. He is sensible and intelligent and amiable.”
“I like him,” she said. “Constance is going to have a wide variety of choices, is she not?”
“The thing is,” he said, “that she thinks your boys, the ones you introduce to her at balls and parties, are sweet, to use her word, but a bit silly. They do not do anything with their lives.”
“Oh, dear.” She laughed. “She has told you that too, has she?”
“But she is enormously grateful to you,” he said. “And even if she marries Tucker or someone else not of the ton, she will always remember what it felt like to dance at a ton ball and to stroll in the garden of an aristocrat. And she will remember that she might have married one of their number but chose love and happiness instead.” “And she could not find either with a gentleman?” she asked him.
“She could.” He sighed. “And indeed she may. As you say, she has choices. She is a sensible girl. She will choose, I believe, with both her head and her heart, but not one to the exclusion of the other.”
And you? she wanted to ask him. Will you choose with both your head and your heart? She said nothing but patted her hands against his chest.
“I am going to have to take you back to the house soon,” he said, “if you are to have any sort of rest before dinner. Why are we wasting our time talking?”
She gazed into his eyes.
He bent his head and kissed her openmouthed. She slid her hands to his shoulders and gripped them tightly. A wave of intense yearning, both physical and emotional, washed over her. This was his home. This was where he would spend much of the rest of his life. Would she be here with him? Or would this prove to be just a weeklong episode and nothing else? Not even a week, in fact.
He lifted his head and brushed his nose across hers.
“Shall I tell you my deepest, darkest dream?” he asked her.
“Is it suitable for the ears of a lady?” she asked in return.
“Not in any way whatsoever,” he said.
“Then tell me.”
“I want to have you in my bedchamber in my own house,” he said. “On my bed. I want to unclothe you a stitch at a time and love every inch of you, and make love to you over and over again until we are both too exhausted to do it anymore. I want to sleep with you then until we have our energy back and start all over again.”
“Oh, dear,” she said, “that really is unsuitable for my ears. I feel quite weak at the knees.”
“I am going to do it too,” he said, “one of these days. We are going to do it. Not yet, though. Not in the house, anyway. Not while I have guests. It would not be proper.”
Not in the house, anyway.