Now fortunately I was at that time well enough acquainted with “The Inspector General”, that splendid comedy by the Russian master, Nikolai Gogol, to suspect a certain congruence between the situation of Gogol’s hero and my own plight. The eagle on the shoulder of my borrowed overcoat had apparently deceived Captain Frangle into thinking I was his superior officer; it also seemed that he had been anticipating the visit of a senior officer—and not with relish. For the time being I could hope to keep up the bluff, but it was not an imposture that could be maintained indoors, for beneath my overcoat and rubber boots I was naked as Laocoön.
“A cup of coffee, Major? Or if you prefer something more… spirited? Eh? Something to bring color to the cheek and a smile to… Eh? That is to say, if you don’t object to a glass… or two? Eh?” All the while, Captain Frangle was edging toward a lighted doorway at the corner of the compound.
“A few questions first, Captain, if you don’t mind.”
“By all means, sir! Abso-lute-ly! We’ve nothing to hide from you, sir. Our hearts… and our hands… are as open for your inspections as if… and, if you wish, our pocket-books, too! Only joking, you understand, but feel free, Major. Make yourself right at home in our little penitentiary here.”
“How many officers are here beside yourself? And how many guards?”
“Officers? Well, Lieutenant Mosely, of course. Good man, Mosely. You’ve already met him, I think, when you were at the Shroeder evacuation.”
“Oh yes, Mosely. Where is Mosely?”
“He was in the shower when you landed. I suppose he’s getting dressed. He should be out here any minute now. And you might count Palmino. He’s only a warrant officer, but he runs the radio shack and keeps the generator working for us. We couldn’t get on very well without Palmino, I’m afraid. Though he’s not really a gentleman… not like you and me, Major. And then there’s Doc Quilty and the Reverend Captain. The Reverend Captain will probably want to discuss a matter of religion with you, sir. About these goddamned pets. You see, he thinks they should all be Baptists… now, understand, I have nothing against Baptists… some of my best friends are… you know? But the shock—that’s what I object to… all that current! I mean…”
“Later, Captain. How many guards?”
“No doubt you’ve seen my last memo on that subject. There is nothing to add. The situation has only become worse: desertions, betrayal, sabotage… I need guards to guard the guards, and that’s a fact. You see, now that the shouting’s over, now that the monotony’s setting in again, all the volunteers are… you know? And only the regulars—the old Corps members, like myself…”
“I didn’t ask for excuses, Captain. Only for a number.”
“Hundred and twenty. Less. I think. You see, sir, I can explain, if…”
“A hundred and twenty? For how many pets?”
“I’m not sure of the exact number. It changes all the time. I don’t understand. But this prison was never meant to accommodate…”
“Captain! The number!” This in my most peremptory tone.
“Thirteen thousand, sir. Give or take a few hundred.”
“One guard for every hundred pets! How do you keep them under control?”
“Oh, that’s no problem. I could probably get by with ten guards if I had to. They’re only pets, after all. It’s not as if… I mean, they aren’t like us. They don’t seem quite… what is the word… human? They know their place, and they keep in it. And then, you know, they’re in pretty poor spirits, thinking that their Masters have sold them back to us for slaves.”
“Slaves! The Masters? But that isn’t so?”
“Of course, it isn’t lit-erally true, but how are they to know? Eh?” Captain Frangle had recovered some of his earlier bounciness now that the worst of the interrogation seemed to be over, and he began edging back toward the open doorway.
“Captain Frangle, I did not give you permission to leave me!”
“No sir! I only thought… that is, wouldn’t you be more comfortable…”
“Don’t concern yourself with my comfort, Mister! I am interested solely in the management of this repatriation center. Or should I say mismanagement? I suspect, Captain… I suspect…”
Captain Frangle had come tremblingly to attention, and he listened to my improvised diatribe with visible dread. “Suspect, sir? May I ask what? May I ask… who?”
“Ha! Do you think I shall reveal that so easily? It would make it altogether too easy for you, sir. Or, if not for you, then for whoever has been… responsible… for these crimes.”
“Not me! No, you’ve been misinformed about… The petty cash is short, perhaps, I don’t know… I would have to examine… it may take days… and another thing, I have my own way of bookkeeping… a safer way, I must explain it to you first…”
“First, Captain, I would like you to assemble all the guards in this compound. Where I can see them. See that Lieutenant What’s-His-Name looks after that.”
“Lieutenant Mosely.”
“Him, yes. And I wish the barracks and rooms to be left in exactly the condition they’re in now. The men will assemble here in their shorts. And in stocking feet. The officers as well. See to it, Captain!”
While Captain Frangle roused up those few guards who had not already been roused by the news of my so-sudden arrival, I withdrew into the shadows and deliberated my next steps. When all guards and the four other officers were present in ranks before me, I had Captain Frangle show me to the door of the barracks.
“Mosely’s room is in this building?”
“The next floor up, sir. His name is on the door.”
“And your room, Captain?”
“I have the third floor to myself. I must explain… before you go up there… that not everything you may find up there is what you would call, in the strict sense, mine. I’m holding some articles in safekeeping for friends in town… citizens who were afraid of the anarchists, the vandals, you understand how it’s been…”
“You will return to your men, Captain Frangle, and see that they remain at attention. I do not tolerate laxity. There will be no conversations out there, not even among the officers.”
“Just as you say, sir.”
“Before you go, Captain—your uniform. Leave it on that…” What was the word? I couldn’t remember the word! “…on that… thing there.”
“The bunk, you mean? But, Major, consider my position—my dignity. What will the men think if they see me out there in my dirty… that is to say, in the same state they’re in?”
“Perhaps you’re right.”
“Oh, thank you, Major, I knew you’d understand.” Captain Frangle began to leave, but once more I brought him up short.
“I didn’t give permission to go, Captain. I must still insist on a complete inspection. But you may submit to it here instead of in the presence of your men. I expect to find you undressed by the time I’ve returned from my inspection upstairs.” With these words (which guaranteed that, for the time being, the Captain would not have any opportunity to converse with Mosely or anyone else who might have regarded my imposture with a keener eye) I turned my back on the Captain and went up a spiral staircase to the next floor.