Punk girl, big, tall, with tree trunk legs like an R. Crumb drawing. Short black skirt, periwinkle streak in her hair. Taking a picture of the pond. She’s built funny, like a pear, but the wind teases her skirt a little; I want to lift it up and sniff around her ass crack to make sure it’s clean. She’s turning around now. Pretty young face, dark lipstick. Exposed midriff. She is studying her phone. Waiting for a text that will never arrive. Maybe if you were built better. He doesn’t appreciate you but I will. Put those huge legs right around my neck and plunge your fat ass full of babies. Smell your filthy punk pussy on my couch cushions for days. Tell daddy you’re a fat cunt, baby. How about it.
Nerdy Jim Henson looking guy with his fatassed Chinese girlfriend . They look happy together. Similar tastes in dress. I’m glad for them, that they found each other. Young love. I want to stick my face under her red dress and tongue down her musky cunt and asshole. They are walking with an ethnic Lesbian couple. I want them too. Answer their ad off craigslist for a sperm donor. The “boy” lesbian eats out the cute one for a good long time. Gets her all nice and slippery for me. Right on the edge of cumming. That way when I stick in my meatpipe and blast her full of goo she’s contracting my sperm up into her uterus. The partner supportively holds her hand. Looks in here eyes when I nut. Thank you baby for making this sacrifice. But the hot one loves it.
Some kind of school athletic club. Teenage girl in tights. They are strangling her very pronounced cameltoe. She has a skinny little cunt. Probably flappy. Great. I want to split it open Like a summer camp baloney sandwich and lick off all the mustard. Bend her over and watch her lanky ass cheeks slap together as I whack them hard with an open palm. She is probably fifteen.
Can’t arrest a man for dreaming.
Girl in the Window
Woman in the next building opened her blinds this morning. T-shirt and underwear. I was out smoking. She looked out at the morning sun kissing the trees. Surveyed the world for a moment. I was in the parking lot shooting lasers into her crotch. Scanning the slit of her skinny cunt like the Terminator, for later use. She looked down and saw my Kubrick stare. Neglected cigarette dangling. Recoiled in horror.
This is the second window shot I’ve got in a week. Another girl, same building, left her blinds open while lounging in a black bra on the couch. Her tits were…. there is no word for them. I saw the face of God. She saw me looking. There was a second of direct eye contact. I kept looking. I couldn’t not. Finally pried myself away, went back inside. Then I went out again. I’d remembered there was a recycling bin to be brought in. Thank you Lord for this luck. They had shut the blinds. “They” because they’re a couple; the guy was with her now. They shut the blinds but their dog has chewed off half the slats. Big gaps of visible space. They were laying on the couch entwined. The girl and her nice boobs facing outward. I looked again. They didn’t see me. Eyes on the TV. I looked and looked.
Nice people. I don’t think they’d get mad. And if they did, fuck ’em. If you are naked in a window I’m going to look. I’m not going to pull out opera glasses, set up a pup tent and camp out. But I am going to look a beat too long. I am not going to nervously look at the ground after, admitting transgression. There’s an art to leering at women, they say. Not getting caught. Well I don’t give a shit if I get caught.
I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. But yes, I’m looking at your tits. Long enough that you will know. I’m looking at your ass, your crotch, straight into your pussy if it’s out. Sorry. But I’m not going to stop. Seeing that half second of panty-clad cooch, knowing it’s all musky and hot in the dawn– this is a million times more erotic than anything, in an age when every conceivable kind of porn is out there easy and free.
I think you are beautiful. I am not looking at it to gross you out, or scare you. I don’t want to hurt you. Well, OK– I kind of want to break in, hold my hand over your mouth and bend you over your kitchen counter and fuck you hard until I fill you with my seed while you cry and try to bite through my palm. Which is technically hurting you. But I don’t– I don’t really want that. That’s just some dark reptilian recess of my mind. What I actually want is to look at you long enough to memorize what the outline of your twat looks like. Savor the image when I’m masturbating. That’s all. You need that extra beat because otherwise your mind loses images while you beat off. God made us broken, in other words. So: sorry, but, I need to stare. So my dick’s testimony will be admissible in court.
Let’s not make a big deal out of it. I’ll see you on the street. We nod, friendly, like it never happened. Maybe I hold eye contact a second too long. Then you beckon me over and “present” to me like a baboon and we rut like filthy monkeys in the neighbor’s rosemary patc– no! Control yourself, man. We’re in a god damn civilization here.
Half naked in the window. Daisy dukes on the street with the fat-mottled bottom of your ass hanging out. Yoga pants pressing your cuntflaps into sharp relief. Loose low cut tops that let slip a half inch of nipple when you lean over to hand me my change, open toed shoes with toenail polish chipped like a little girl after a day at the beach… you drive me crazy, you god damned women. But please, please:
Never stop.
Crimes and Misdemeanors
There are ants in the bathroom sink. I keep jerking off into it. Trying to hold on to the images from porn. Trying not to get distracted by the nightmare Dali tableau of the ants, swarms and swarms of them picking at the crust of my toothpaste. When I nut the first drop makes them scatter, furiously. Then I wash my jizz down the drain and with it their colony. They quickly repopulate.
It’s too fucking hot and I’m hung over as shit and my bike got stolen. I need to call my parents. Tell my mom I’m going to Mexico City. I’ve been holding it back because I don’t want her to freak out. She’ll think I’m gonna get my head cut off, shipped back to her in a cooler. No, it’s fine, I’ll say. I was just in Tijuana, it’s not like you read about. What were you doing there? Uh…
Every half an hour I pull up craigslist and search for my bike. I found one yesterday, the same model. I called the guy; his name was Franco. He’s in a neighborhood controlled by gangs that are friendly with the White Fences of East Hollywood. I believe it is the White Fences who stole my bike. The photo was identical. He was having a yard sale, he said. Come on over and check it out. I was ready to go Rambo. This is my fucking bike. Give it back and I won’t call the cops.
I told El Chuco my plan. Are you out of your fucking mind, he said. You’ll get stomped. If you see the bike, get a picture of the serial number and call the cops. I didn’t know what I was gonna do but I drove out there. Little old guy sitting in a lawn chair. Are you Franco? I asked. I was rehearsing: that’s my fucking bike motherfucker, give it back or I’ll come back here with a shotgun. No, came a voice from behind me. I’m Franco. Danny Trejo’s head on Lou Ferrigno’s body. Tattoos all over his neck.
It was not the same bike. Different color pinstripes. This one belonged to his son who had gone off to college. I was relieved. Hot day; Franco gave me a beer. Bunch of nice shit at his yard sale. Quality furniture and art. A tasteful home.
It was stolen from a girl’s house. An OKCupid first date. Nice looking girl. Cute ass, big titties. Apartment full of beautiful things. Slutty girls love design. I’d biked over drunk. She had another girl with her, a neighbor. I thought I’d walked in to the jaws of a 3 way. But the neighbor was just the murder patrol. Once I was deemed safe she left. We got drunk, more dunk. We fucked. I came in two seconds. Slept next to her naked. I woke up at 3AM and I was trying to rape her. Wrists pinned over her head, legs open. Trying to get the tip in raw when she’d been adamant about condoms. She laughed it off. They always do. When it got light I redeemed myself with powerful and enduring morning wood. She made fresh juice with kale. I walked out triumphant. The day after new pussy is Christmas morning.