“We’ll have to break some branches off a tree and tie them with some vines to make a sling to carry him,” Penny suggested.
“All right.” The Amazon started looking around her.
“I feel awful.” The young man looked greenish. “I-—”
“Oh, dear! He’s fainted! What should we do?”
“Nothing,” Penny told her. “He’s better off unconscious. Just let him be and help me make a stretcher.”
Penny laid out two long, fairly straight branches alongside one another and pointed out some strong-looking vines for the Amazon to fetch.
As they worked, the Amazon looked at Penny curiously. After a while she asked the question that was on her mind. “What are you doing in the middle of the woods with all your clothes on?” she wanted to know.
“What am I-—?” Penny was confused.
“Well, it’s against the rules, you know.”
“Against what rules?”
“The Colony rules,” the Amazon explained. “In the first place, no clothes are allowed. In the second place, nobody but staff is allowed outside the compound. Now don’t pretend you don’t know that.”
“I’m not pretending. I don’t know what you’re talking about. What ‘Colony’?”
“Why, the Buffmuff Colony, of course. Aren’t you from there?”
“No. I’m not. I never even heard of it. What kind of colony is it?”
“The Buffmuff Nudist Colony.” The Amazon looked at Penny suspiciously. “But if you’re not from the Colony, then what are you doing here in the middle of the woods?”
“That’s a long story I’d rather not go into right now,” Penny told her.
“Are you one of those peepers?” The Amazon was openly hostile.
“One of those what?”
“Peepers. There are always sick people who come around nudist colonies and try to peek at the folks in the raw. Sometimes they try to pass themselves off as birdwatchers. Are you one of those?”
“No,” Penny assured her. “I’m not. I’d never do a thing like that. I’m just lost in the woods and trying to find my way out. I didn’t know I’d wandered into a nudist colony.”
“Well, actually, you haven’t.”
“l haven’t?” Penny looked from the unconscious naked man to the nude Amazon and back with more confusion.
“No. This part of the woods isn’t part of the Colony. Actually, it’s off-limits. We’re not really supposed to be here.”
“Then why--?” Penny left the question hanging.
“Since you’re not from Buffmuff, I suppose I might as well tell you,” the Amazon sighed. “It will pass the time while we’re tying these vines.”
“You don’t really have to—”
“It’s all right. I don’t mind. Have you ever been to a nudist colony?” the Amazon began.
“No. I’d be too embarrassed. I even blush in locker rooms.” Penny saw no reason to specify the gender of the locker rooms, nor to mention the current sex identity problem.
“Have you got any idea how they’re ran?” the Amazon asked.
“Barely, I’d guess,” Penny punned, suppressing a giggle.
“I can see that you don’t. For one thing, the more clothes you take off, the less funny things seem.”
“That’s odd. I always thought there was something a bit ridiculous about the naked human body. Male or female, naked people always seemed just a little absurd to me,” Penny confessed.
“It’s easy to see you’re no nudist. To a dedicated nudist, the bare body is no laughing matter. It’s nature’s highest attainment, and there’s nothing funny about it.”
“Perhaps on the whole they’re right,” Penny granted. “But if instead of taking the sum of the parts, you take them individually, isn’t it different? What I mean is, look at six nudists walking away and concentrate on their rear ends one by one. Now, can’t you see the absurdity? After all, all men are not created equal if you see what I’m getting at.”
“Perhaps.” The Amazon thought a moment, released an abrupt giggle, then composed herself.
“Or belly buttons.” Penny was carried away with the thesis. “I mean, ‘Innies’ and ‘Outies.’ You could classify the whole human race just by their navels. First the two main categories to replace ‘Male’ and ‘Female,’ and then subcategories by width and depth and roundness and lint capacity and placement and -”
“I get the idea,” the Amazon interrupted. “But do you want to sit here studying my navel, or do you want to hear about what Malcolm and I are doing in the woods?”
“Malcolm?”
“Him.” The Amazon pointed to the unconscious young man. “That’s his name. Mine is Cherry.”
What a misnomer, Penny thought, remembering the activities in which “Cherry” had been indulging so recently. “Mine is Penny,” said Penny aloud. “And I’m sorry I interrupted. Go on with your story.”
“All right. If you’re sure you really want to—”
“I’m fascinated,” Penny assured her. “Please.”
“Very well. Now, all nudist colonies are run very strictly. They have rules and the rules are enforced. They have schedules, and you either adhere to them, or you’re drummed out of the colony. But of all the ones I’ve ever been in, none is as strict as Buffmuff. Nudism, diet and health are actually a religion there, and if you don’t stick to it, you’re excommunicated.”
“Stripped of your robes?” Penny wondered. “How -?”
“You certainly are a stickler for unimportant details,” Cherry sighed. “But in a reverse kind of way, you’ve got it right. You get your clothes back and you’re banished from the nudist movement forevermore. Anyway, the first and foremost rule has to do with sex. That’s out altogether. You’re not even allowed to flirt. If they so much as catch you looking at the organs of the opposite sex with undue interest, you get demerits. It’s not so bad for the women. But the men -- well, they have a special problem. It isn’t just their eyes that can give them away.”
“You mean-—?”
“Yes. Sometimes, they try to pass it off as purely urinary. That’s what Malcolm tried to do when he got caught reacting to me. But they wouldn’t believe him, of course. He really caught it. He’s still on probation. That’s one reason this is such a mess now.”
“I’d think that kind of thing would happen more often than not,” Penny opined. “I mean, men are men, and with all those naked women walking around-”
“You’re wrong. It’s not like that for nudists for the most part. It takes very little time for nakedness to become asexual. It isn’t exciting at all except when someone really appeals to you the way l did to Malcolm. Even with us, it wasn’t the nakedness. If you’re a nudist, before long bare skin turns you off instead of exciting you.”
“I see.” Penny was beginning to make sense of what had happened before.
“Yes. Actually, the human body is much more provocative with clothes on than without. Clothes are basically seductive. That’s one of the tenets of nudism. People on the outside don’t understand that, but it’s really true. Purity—-lack of sex activity, that is—and nudism go hand-in-hand.”
“And I’ll bet when nudists do have sex, they put on clothes to excite each other,” Penny said with an air of innocence that was quite mischievous.
It didn’t fool Cherry. “You were watching us!” she accused. “You are a peeper!”
“Not really. I only stumbled on you by accident. And the reason I didn’t let you know I was there was that I didn’t want to embarrass you.”
‘“Hmpf!”’ Cherry sniffed and looked doubtful.
“Now there’s no point in getting huffy. You need me,” Penny pointed out. “You can’t carry him on this litter alone. Come on, finish your story while we finish tying these vines.”
“Oh, all right.” Cherry resumed twining the vines around the long boughs and knotting them. “Well, let me give you some idea of the routine at Buffmuff. The unmarried men and women sleep in separate dormitories. We’re waked at five-thirty A. M. by a staff member who comes around ringing a bell. From five-thirty to six we line up and do exercises. From six to six-thirty we take ice-cold showers. From--”