Penny thanked him and went back out the door. Sonia was waiting there. “All better now?” she asked.
“No. That was the kitchen.”
“Oh? Was it? Remind me not to order the soup.” Sonia peered about her myopically. “That must be it over there.” She led Penny to another door.
“That’s the ladies’ room,” Penny told her. “And I’m not going through that bit again.”
“So it is.” Sonia squinted. “So it is.”
“There’s the men’s room.” Penny spotted it. “Excuse me.”
Inside the bathroom, on the wall opposite the door, were two urinals. To the left of them was a booth which presumably concealed a toilet. The door to the booth was closed. A man stood in front of one of the urinals. Approaching the other one, Penny glanced at him casually.
He was a small man dressed in such dapper fashion as to appear foppish. His suit was of Italian silk, the jacket too tight across his narrow shoulders and pigeon chest and pinching in at the waist to accentuate hips that were surprisingly plump for such a skinny fellow. He wore a black silk shirt and a white silk tie. His moustache was waxed. to two sharp, flaring points and there was an effusion of perfume from him so heady as to seem almost a visible cloud. A monocle stuck in one eye completed the picture that was decadent and unmistakably French.
He swiveled his head boldly and zeroed in with his monocle on Penny at the adjacent urinal. Still relatively new to the operation, Penny was having difficulty extricating the proper organs from the jockey short confines. Both hands were required plus a certain amount of consideration before fulfilling the purpose which had brought Penny to the john. Watching the busy hands arranging, stroking, lining up and aiming, Penny’s neighbor was so impressed that he nearly lost his monocle.
“Ooo—la-la!” he exclaimed.
“I beg your pardon?” Penny was too busy to look up.
“Voila!”
“Huh?”
“C’est magnifique!”
“I don’t get you.”
“M’sieur, where did you evair get such truly monumental equipment?”
“It came with the body,” Penny told him.
“If you’ll forgive me, m’sieur, you seem to be having ze most uncommon difficulty.”
“I can’t seem to handle it right,” Penny admitted.
“If you’ll allow me, m’sieur?” The Frenchman reached out a sweaty hand.
“Oh now,” Penny said. “Thanks anyway, but that really isn’t necessary. I’ll manage.”
“I do not wish to be impertinent, but ze way you are managing, m’sieur, ze ceiling is most threatened.”
“Oh. You’re right. But the trouble is I can’t seem to make the damn thing—” Penny continued to struggle.
“A helping hand?” the Frenchman suggested again, reaching closer.
“Well . . . All right . . . If you really don’t mind the imposition.”
“It is no imposition at all. Believe me, m’sieur.” The Frenchman took a firm grip with one hand. “It is a privilege.”
“Aren’t you holding it too low?” Penny inquired. “I mean, umm, I thought you were supposed to hold the—-umm—thing itself, not the—uhh——testicle.”
“Not at all, m’sieur. Trust me. We French have a way with such things.” He reached out and clutched the other testicle. “Now, m’sieur-—”
“Now what?” Penny inquired.
“Now-—” The Frenchman increased the pressure with both hands, only slightly, but tellingly. “Now, if you will be so good as to give me your wallet, m’sieur.”
“I don’t have a wallet.”
“Then your money.” He increased the pressure even more. “And please to be quick about it, m’sieur.”
“I have no money . . . OUCH!”
It was at this point that the door to the booth suddenly burst open. A large man with a florid face came through it. There was a badge pinned to the lapel of the cheap jacket he wore. “You’re under arrest!” He grabbed Penny firmly by the shoulder.
“I’m under arrest? I’m the victim. This man has been trying to rob me.”
“That’s no concern of mine,” the man with the badge told Penny. “I’m from the Vice Squad. We don’t handle robbery complaints.” He turned to the Frenchman. “You can go, Pierre.”
“Merci.” The Frenchman scurried from the lavatory.
“But why are you arresting me?” Penny demanded.
“On a couple of counts. The first one’s Exposure.”
“Exposure?”
“Do you deny that you exposed yourself?”
“Well, no. I mean, that’s what I came in here to do. That is—”
“Aha! Then you admit it. That’s a confession you just made. I hope you’re fully aware of that.”
“No it’s not! What I meant was, how could I come in here and do what I came in to do without exposing myself?”
“That’s not for me to say. If there are mitigating circumstances, you can bring them out at your trial and the jury and judge can take them under consideration. I only make the arrest. Beside, exposure isn’t the only charge.”
“What other charge is there?” Penny asked.
“Luring and Enticing.”
“I did no such thing!”
“You didn’t?” The detective looked at Penny sternly. “Do you know how the penal code defines Luring and Enticing?”
“No.”
“Well, if you don’t know how the penal code defines it, how do you know you didn’t do it?” the plainclothesman asked triumphantly.
“I don’t know,” Penny muttered, feeling entrapped.
“Well, I was watching through a knothole in the door, and I can tell you definitely that you were Luring and Enticing. First you were playing with yourself, and then--”
“I was doing no such thing!” Penny was indignant. “I was just trying to get the thing into a position where it would work.”
“Do you expect me to believe that a grown man would have to go through all that just to take a --? Nuts!”
“That’s what he grabbed,” Penny remembered defensively.
“I was coming to that. First you exposed yourself and handled yourself in such a way as to arouse that poor fellow’s prurient homosexual interest, and then you actually offered yourself to him, encouraging him to hold and fondle you for purposes of obvious degeneracy and perversion.”
“I was just letting him help me. And then he tried to rob me. He hurt me, and—”
“The fact that he hurt you while trying to fend off your perverted advances in no way mitigates your crime. And anyway, I have no sympathy for you. I can’t stand queers!”
“Then why do you sit in johns all night watching them?” Penny inquired.
“It’s my job. I’m just doing my job. I only take orders. I don’t ask questions. Now, are you going to come along peacefully?”
“Is it all right if I finish what I came in here to do first?”
“All right. Go ahead.” The detective watched Penny struggle with the problem once again. “Be careful!” he warned Penny after a moment. “You’re only going to make things worse for yourself if you try to Lure and Entice me. It’ll just be one more charge against you.”
“Don’t look,” Penny suggested. “Then your prurient interest won’t be aroused.”
“Maybe it’d be better if you did less looking and more-—-”
“All right.” Penny followed his advice.
“Watch out! What do you think you’re doing. You got it all over my—Do you know I could charge you with assaulting an officer of the law for doing a thing like that?’
“I’m sorry,” Penny muttered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Now just put it away and be quick about it, and let’s get out of here!”