‘It is something to strive for, I know, Albert. But you are so very good.’
‘I am a little grieved that you and your mother seem to be on bad terms.’
‘Oh, Mama can be very trying.’
‘My dearest Victoria, I am pained to hear you talk thus of your mother.’
‘Dear Albert, if you could know what it was like at Kensington before I became Queen. I was more or less a prisoner. And Mama was constantly quarrelling with my uncle King William and his wife. And you know Aunt Adelaide is the sweetest woman. She would never quarrel with anyone unless they forced her to it; and believe me, Mama did. There have been occasions when I have been really ashamed.’
‘My love, we both wish to obey the commandments I believe, and there is one which begins – “Honour thy father and thy mother”.’
‘My dear love, you are so good yourself that you cannot conceive how tiresome some people can be. Now we will talk of something else because I am weary of the subject.’
There spoke the Queen. Not, Albert, please let us talk of something else, but we will.
He would have to explain that he must have some authority in his own home. He was not here just as a means of giving her an heir to the throne. He was a man; he was a husband; and although she might be Queen, she was also his wife.
But she was rattling on now about dear Lord Melbourne. He was looking older, she thought, and she feared he tired himself out. She was going to speak to him very severely because he obviously did not take enough care of himself.
Albert thought she saw a little too much of Lord Melbourne. Was it necessary?
‘My dear Albert, it is absolutely necessary for me to be continually in touch with my Prime Minister. I am the Queen.’
‘We cannot forget that,’ said Albert with some irony which was lost on her.
She must return to her work, she told him; there were state papers to be looked through and signed.
‘Albert, my love, you have no idea of the amount of papers I have to read.’
‘No,’ said Albert, ‘but I should if you would show me and perhaps let me help you.’
‘Why, Albert, how very kind of you!’
He was elated. He only had to ask and she would allow him to read state documents, to discuss them with her. He would be admitted to those conferences which took place in the closet between her and Lord Melbourne.
But how different it was! She was seated at her table. ‘Dear Albert, draw up a chair and sit beside me. There. That is very cosy. Here is the blotting paper. When I sign you can blot them for me and make a neat little pile.’
‘But you must read the papers, surely?’
She laughed delightedly. ‘Oh, I have already discussed all these matters with my Prime Minister. All that has to be done now is sign the papers. And it is such a help to have you there with the blotting paper.’
So that was what sharing meant. He had become a sort of clerk to blot what his employer wrote. That was his sole duty; the contents of the documents to which she put her name were a mystery to him.
He was constantly on the point of explaining to her; in his room he rehearsed what he would say. He would speak out; he would tell her that he felt wretchedly inadequate and he would go on feeling so if he were to be useless.
He discussed the matter with his father and brother. He was safely married now, was their advice; it was for him to tell his wife that he wished to be taken into her confidence.
‘Why,’ said Ernest, ‘she adores you. You only have to ask for what you want.’
But they had only seen his loving little wife; they did not know Victoria the Queen.
Was he afraid of her? That seemed absurd … she was so tiny; and she was so appealing in her devotion. How strange that he could not tell her exactly what was in his mind. He always thought he could; it was only when he was face to face with her that he could not bring himself to explain that he was far from happy.
He felt quite angry when on one occasion he went into his room to find the Baroness leaning against the table while the Queen sat at her desk. The Baroness held some papers in her hands and she had obviously been discussing them with the Queen.
So … the Baroness knew what was in those state papers which were to be kept secret from him!
He turned away and walked out of the room.
‘Was that Albert?’ said Victoria.
Lehzen nodded.
‘But why did he go away?’ demanded Victoria.
‘I daresay he wished to see you alone.’
‘But I was really alone. You don’t count, dear Daisy. By which I mean that you count so much … if you understand what I mean.’
Lehzen said she understood exactly what her precious love meant and was happy because of it.
‘I heard you last evening at dinner,’ said Victoria with a laugh, ‘telling your neighbour how perfect I am.’
‘I told nothing but the truth,’ declared Lehzen stoutly.
‘Albert thinks me a little frivolous,’ said the Queen.
Lehzen flushed angrily. ‘Indeed.’
‘Darling Daisy, you must not be angry with my dear Albert. He only criticises for my good.’
‘There is nothing … absolutely nothing to criticise.’
‘Oh, come, Lehzen, you do sometimes yourself a bit you know.’
‘I will not allow anyone else to.’
Victoria laughed and threw her arms about the Baroness’s neck.
‘Dear, dear Daisy, how lucky I am to have both you and Albert to love me so much.’
‘Nobody on earth loves you as I do,’ said Lehzen.
Victoria felt it was a faint criticism of Albert which she must not allow – but of course it was only said out of dearest Lehzen’s excessive loyalty.
A few days later Albert said that he wondered about the manner in which her household was managed. There seemed to be a certain amount of overlapping.
‘Overlapping, dear Albert what do you mean?’
‘Several people doing the same job.’
‘Oh, that is Lehzen’s affair. She sees to everything.’
‘Well, it doesn’t appear that she sees with any great efficiency.’
‘She prides herself on the way she looks after me and won’t let anyone worry me.’
‘Well, I will make doubly sure that no one does.’
‘My dearest Albert, how very good you are. I was only saying today to dear Lehzen how fortunate I am. But you must not interfere with Lehzen’s affairs. She would be most put out.’
‘But, my dear Victoria, I should enjoy looking into some of the domestic arrangements at the palace. It would give me something to do.’
‘My dear energetic Albert, please do anything you wish, but you must not interfere with Lehzen’s domain. She would be so hurt. I forbid that.’
She spoke jokingly, but the edge was there.
He must mind his own business. He was rapidly learning that his duty was to be available whenever the Queen wished, to play at being the ideal husband, to provide an heir to the throne.
He left her and shut himself in his room to write letters to those friends, like Uncle Leopold, who might understand his feelings.
‘I am the husband,’ he wrote sadly, ‘but not the master of the house.’
In less than a fortnight after the wedding Albert’s father prepared to leave for Coburg.
‘You are settled here now, my son,’ he said, ‘and I have my dominions to govern. Cheer up, everything will work out for the best if you are careful. Your brother need not leave yet. He can stay for another month or perhaps two. After that, this will seem like home to you.’