‘They were rather noisy,’ he answered.
‘And of course they spoke in German which you do not understand. That must have been very tiresome for you.’
‘Not at all,’ said Lord Melbourne blandly, ‘for I do not believe I missed a great deal.’
‘I enjoyed their company very much.’
‘Which was evident and made their visit worthwhile.’
‘Poor Lord Melbourne! I believe their noise interrupted your little naps.’
‘That is exactly the case,’ agreed Lord Melbourne.
She burst out laughing. ‘I am young after all. I don’t think I see enough young people.’
‘You certainly did during the visit.’
‘A young person like myself must sometimes have young people to laugh with.’
‘You lead rather an unnatural life for a young person,’ admitted Lord Melbourne. ‘It’s the life of a man.’
‘I do feel that is so sometimes. But the excitement did me good.’
‘You may suffer for it afterwards. You must always take care of your health. You have complained of a certain listlessness. It would be dreadful if you were to take a dislike to your official duties.’
‘You need have no fear, Lord Melbourne, that I shall ever fail in my duty,’ she said coldly.
She was tense; she was apprehensive. The thought of marriage frightened her. Oh, why, she demanded of Lehzen, did everything have to change? She kept harking back to that happy, happy summer when everything was so pleasant and the people loved her.
‘Nothing stands still,’ Lehzen reminded her.
‘I know that,’ she snapped. ‘I am not a child, although I am well aware that you sometimes think I am.’
Her ladies whispered together that she had changed. Once she had been so considerate to them; now nothing they could do seemed right for her.
Even Lord Melbourne displeased her. Understanding her better than anyone else and realising that it was fear of marriage that made her so irritable and bad tempered he sought to soothe her. He wanted her to realise that there was absolutely no need to consider marriage a necessity at this stage; he wanted to lull her into a peaceful frame of mind. All she had to do was inspect her cousins and if she did not like them she could send them packing.
She was aware of this and was afraid of marriage; yet she wanted to marry. She loved Lord Melbourne, and she had never analysed her feelings for him. If he had been young and royal how easy that would have been! Lord Melbourne understood their relationship far better than she did and he was saddened because he knew that it had reached its peak and must now inevitably decline. Her present state of mind affected him deeply. He could not bear to see her unhappy. If she could marry now and make a success of her marriage and her life, his work had been well done. He knew – and had known all through – that his place could only be on the edge of that life, and he must now be ready to stand aside.
He tried to see less of her. This called forth abuse from her.
She was soon writing to him:‘The Queen was a good deal vexed at Lord Melbourne’s not coming …’
This was to one of her dinner parties to which he had not received a formal invitation but it was regarded as the accepted thing that he should be present and he always had been in the past. She was miserable without Lord Melbourne to sit beside her and make his amusing comments and go to sleep and snore if he wished to. This last habit might displease her and sometimes embarrass her, but she wanted him there.‘The Queen thinks it is important that Lord Melbourne should be here at large dinners. She insists upon his coming to dinner tomorrow, and begs him to do so on Wednesday also, her last two nights in town, as she will probably not see him for two days.’
When Lord Normanby changed places with Lord John Russell as Home Secretary, Melbourne, who had felt it wiser to avoid her company for a while, omitted to tell her and she learned of the change through Lord Normanby.
She was incensed … and against Lord Melbourne.‘Lord Melbourne never told the Queen that this was definitely settled. This has happened before.’
Then remembering that he had looked a little tired at their last meeting and the old tenderness returning she added:‘The Queen has such unlimited confidence in Lord Melbourne that she knows all that he does is right but she cannot help being a little vexed at not being told things.’
When he came to her in the blue closet he could see from her expression that her mood was stormy and it was not his good friend who stood before him, but the Queen. So cold and regal was she – and nobody knew how to convey this manner better than herself – that he did not sit down in his usual easy manner but remained standing until she gave him permission to do so.
She withheld this and sitting herself, talked to him as he stood.
Realising suddenly how tired he looked she was filled with remorse and insisted at once that he sit down when she began upbraiding him for not taking enough care of his health. He was always talking about hers. She commanded that he be more careful.
She saw the tears in his eyes and then everything seemed just as it had been. She was foolish to worry about Albert’s coming when she had this dear good friend to advise her.
The next day she sent him a little present.‘The Queen sends this little charm which she hopes may keep Lord Melbourne from all evil, and it will make her very happy if he will put it with his keys …’
She wanted him to understand that although she was going through a difficult stage, and although she appeared bad-tempered and nervous sometimes, her feelings for him could not change.
Sometimes she was quite herself and they talked in the blue closet.
‘I feel very much against marrying,’ she admitted.
‘It’s a very serious matter,’ agreed Lord Melbourne, ‘concerning as it does both the State and your personal happiness. To get the ideal man we should have to make one.’
That was typical Lord Melbourne and she was soon laughing while he conjured up a picture of the perfect man he would make to share the throne with Victoria.
‘He must not be in the least stupid.’
‘Of course not. Do you think I want a stupid husband?’
‘Nor cunning.’
‘Do you think he would get the better of me?’
‘He would never do that.’
That made her laugh again and almost restored her old merriment.
‘He would have to be equable in temperament.’
‘And not have a quick temper?’
‘One of those is enough in any family – royal or otherwise,’ said Lord Melbourne.
He was so amusing.
‘I have no great wish to see Albert.’
‘You might change your mind when he comes.’
‘I hate to have to decide.’
‘Decisions which are so final can often be disagreeable,’ said Lord Melbourne.
‘Do you think I might decide never to marry?’
‘I need notice of that question,’ said the incorrigible Lord Melbourne.
She felt so much better talking to him.
‘How I wish Albert were not coming,’ she said.
But when Albert wrote to her and told her – without adequate reason – that he would be arriving three days late, her temper flared up.
‘He does not seem very eager to get here,’ she commented to Lord Melbourne. ‘That seems to me very odd. After all who is he but quite an obscure prince?’
‘And a German,’ said Lord Melbourne.
‘And I am the Queen.’
‘Of England,’ added Lord Melbourne.
She was angered by Albert’s apparent indifference which, said Lord Melbourne, was a little odd seeing that she was not in the least eager for him to come.