The Queen of sinister

'What am I going to do?' Caitlin asked.

'I hate to say this, but I agree with Grant.'

Caitlin eyed her suspiciously.

'This life is all about maintaining a balance. You're completely out of whack at the moment. Too much yin, not enough yang. You're not going to do anybody any good by running yourself into the ground.'

'I feel too worn out-'

'Then you'd better un-wear yourself. These are hard times, Caitlin, but they've been worse… not for us, but in the past. It's easy to give in to all the misery, when what we really should be doing is enjoying life. Because we still can.' Mary chewed her lip in thought for a moment before adding, 'And if you don't mind me sticking my nose in, you should start sleeping with Grant again.'

Caitlin looked up sharply; she hadn't mentioned that aspect to Mary. 'Come on. It's obvious.' She cracked her knuckles like a docker. 'Sometimes it's hard to find the energy, but it rewards you if you can. Sex is the glue of relationships, Caitlin, and it's what life is all about. It's the opposite of death, of giving up, of getting swamped by…' She waved a hand towards the window.'… what's out there. See it as symbolic.'

'That's one line the boys never used.'

They laughed together, wrapped in the firelight and the warmth, the wind bucking with irritation at the panes.

'I appreciate this, Mary. At this time of night-'

'You know you're the daughter I never had,' Mary said sardonically.

'No, really.'

'I'm a sucker for waifs and strays.' Arthur Lee settled in her lap so Mary could scratch behind its ears. 'We have to pull together, in a way we never did before.'

Mary was serious and thoughtful, and Caitlin felt calmer simply being around her. Mary was one of those people who felt so much bigger than the actual space they filled. 'You really think it's worth it?'

'The clock's been set back. We've got a big opportunity to put things right this time.'

'You're saying all the death and the suffering are worthwhile?'

'That's the wrong word. But we can't see the big picture — we're too close to it. I know this: the world we had before wasn't all it was cracked up to be. People just… existed. They weren't really happy. They worked, and got more possessions than their parents had, and lived a few years longer, but they weren't really happy. Everything in society was just geared towards maintaining that system… keeping the status quo… because there were a lot of people who really benefited from it. Everybody else just drifted along. Is that living?' 'Tell that to the bodies stacked up in the village hall. I bet they'd prefer a touch of the old life, however dull it was.'

Mary smiled, but not in agreement. She pushed Arthur Lee off her lap and went to a cupboard containing a row of dog-eared vinyl records. 'They're all useless now,' she said, 'but I keep them for what they mean… good mojo.' She laughed as she flicked through the rack and selected one, which she handed to Caitlin. It was called Forever Changes by some band called Love and the cover featured a collection of psychedelically coloured heads against a white background.

'Never heard of them,' Caitlin said, not quite understanding the point. 'The last music I remember hearing was doves'

'They were around in the mid-sixties,' Mary said. 'They had an underground following but never really broke through into the big time because they refused to get involved in all the corporate bullshit. They were quite brilliant. Anyway, there was a quote about them that's always stuck in my mind. It said something like, "Love perfectly captured the combination of beauty and dread that was around in the sixties." That's what we've got now, beauty and dread.'

'Not so much of the beauty.'

'It's there, if you can see past the mud and the shit and the dying. In a way, this time is a lot like the sixties.' Caitlin's disbelieving expression made Mary laugh. 'It was a crucial time… when everything was poised. Young people, for once, were on the brink of shaping society. Not old farts like me. Young people — younger than you. There was a move away from repression towards freedom… hope and optimism. The occult — magic, if you like — was back in the mainstream, and a real honest-to-goodness spirituality came with it. For a moment it seemed as if that was the way things were going to go… towards a new Golden Age.'

'Then human nature kicked in.'

'Oh, you are a cynic,' Mary chided. 'No, it wasn't that. Human nature is basically what I've just told you — good stuff… hope… freedom… people looking for magic in their lives. But there's a tiny group who always manage to worm their way to the top. You wouldn't look twice at them in the street — they're boring, fade into the background. But they're cursed with having no imagination, and that's a terrible thing. If you've got imagination, you worry about people's feelings because you can put yourself in their shoes, you worry about your place in the world… in history. These people somehow know they're lacking because they've got no imagination, so they try to fill in what's missing with power — and because they've got no imagination, they'll do anything to get to the top. No scruples.'

'Is this your conspiracy theory?' Caitlin said with a wry smile.

'No conspiracy. They stand there in plain sight, but you never think badly of them because they're so boring. They were the ones who killed Kennedy — both of them — Martin Luther King, John Lennon, gave Charlie Manson the wrong direction, blew apart all the protests against the Vietnam War, ruined the hippie movement. They're the ones who killed the sixties.'

Caitlin waved her away with a chuckle.

'You can laugh, my girl, but it's true. Those people don't like all the positive things, all that light and freedom and hope, because in that sort of atmosphere they can't exist. They're shown up for what they really are. With the country upside down… the Government nowhere to be seen… we're at a point where we can go in that right direction again, if a few good people lead the way. But those shadow-people are only lying low, and I'm betting you they'll soon rear up their ugly, boring heads and try to stop us getting some good out of all this shit.'

Caitlin looked into the heart of the fire, smiling. The more she learned about Mary, the more she liked her. Mary was an odd mixture of hardness from her days as a psychiatric nurse, and optimism, which she often hid in order to maintain her tough image. Caitlin could listen to her talk all day. But when Caitlin looked up to see Mary watching her with concern, it was clear that Mary had only set off on her impassioned discourse to take Caitlin's mind off her problems.

'I saw something earlier.' Caitlin struggled to find the words to describe her chilling experience in the lane. 'There were two men on horses. I got the impression they were hunting.' She eyed Mary cautiously. 'Only I'm not so sure they were men. Or horses for that matter. I know it sounds stupid

'The world's gone crazy in a lot of different ways, Caitlin.' Mary went over to the window to peer out into the turbulent night. 'Some of the things out there…'

'You believe all that stuff — all the superstitious rubbish people keep going on about in the village?'

Mary turned back to her; for the first time her face was impossible to read. 'Don't you?'

'No.' Caitlin broke her gaze and returned her attention to the fire, unable to accept what she saw in Mary's eyes. 'It's just a human reaction to all the upheaval. When you're trapped in chaos that makes no sense, it's easy to return to childish ways, believing it's all the result of some supernatural power… God, gods, angels, ghosts-'

'What did you see tonight?' Mary asked pointedly.

'I don't know.'

'You do, Caitlin. It's not rational to deny the evidence of your eyes.'

'Really, I don't know what I saw. It was dark, stormy… It just didn't feel right…'