‘Is the kitchen sink in there too?’
He didn’t laugh.
‘Did you get any sleep?’ I asked.
‘A couple of hours, enough to see me through.’
Typical… I looked at the girl again. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I had been dying to ask. ‘What’s with you two?’
Tobe frowned. ‘First things first, her name’s Ruby. And you shouldn’t worry about her—she was out in that wasteland a long time, I’m sure she’ll be fine riding in the back.’
‘She spoke, did she?’
‘A little.’
‘What did she say?’
His face grew cold. ‘This and that. Enough.’
‘Don’t give me that.’
He looked me in the eye. ‘Let’s just say that, thanks to a loving family, at least one person survived.’
I suddenly didn’t want to know; it was a familiar story. I broke Tobe’s dead gaze, turned away, trudged outside. The purple-black sky cast everything in a sombre glow. Even the wind seemed to be holding its breath.
I took a last look at my property. We all lose in the end.
‘Sorry, mate,’ Tobe said once again, joining me.
I knew he meant it. ‘Yeah, cheers.’ I looked at him. ‘One last thing.’
He smiled sadly and we tramped away, cutting through a paddock of dead grass, stopping at her grave.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
Some night-time animal howled. It seemed all too fitting.
‘But this is it, the day has come.’
I had first farewelled her a long time ago; I didn’t want to do it again. I burst into tears, unable to keep going. Tobe tactfully looked away. I slowly pulled myself together so he could say his piece.
‘Goodbye, love,’ he said. ‘I wish that you were here to come with us. Imagine that, the times we could have had…’
His voice was strangely calm, all his sadness in his face.
‘And I wish it hadn’t been like this. There isn’t a day that I’m not sorry for what happened.’ He kneeled, lowered his head. ‘But you know that,’ he whispered.
Her tombstone loomed over him, casting him in the shadow of an angel carved from stone.
The transport’s cabin was crowded with junk—faded maps, a tarnished compass, a pair of broken binoculars, possum skins of bush tobacco and wild weed, battered canteens. I had to dig deep to find a seat.
‘It didn’t take you long to settle in,’ I complained, kicking aside the detritus at my feet.
‘There’s no place like home.’ Tobe’s voice was soft.
I didn’t ask if he was okay; I knew better. He slipped the transport into gear, flicked the headlights on and started the engine.
‘You right back there?’ he said over his shoulder, his voice a little louder.
‘No worries,’ Ruby replied.
And away we went. A wicked laugh came from deep in Tobe’s belly as we crossed the paddock—being back on the road seemed to shake his dark mood. Dust plumed behind us, dug from the churned earth of our tyre tracks. We shot through the driveway gate and turned onto the road. Tobe floored the accelerator as we straightened up. I couldn’t help shutting my eyes.
‘You bloody sook…’
‘Piss off.’
‘Now, now, not in front of the kids.’
I opened my eyes.
Tobe turned his head, looked into the back. ‘You okay?’
‘You bet.’
A tree loomed in front of us as we drifted across the road. I reached over, corrected our course.
‘Cheers,’ Tobe said, turning back, taking the wheel.
He revved the engine harder, throwing me into my seat. The world passed in a blur of green-brown-grey shapes. Tobe gestured for me to roll him some bush tobacco. I strained forward, scooped up one of the possum skins. The deep thrum that had drummed into my bones was replaced by a quieter burr as we turned onto the highway and swapped dirt for bitumen. I stared out the window; the ruined town had assumed a sad beauty.
Tobe let go of the wheel, patted his pockets, found his lighter, then tossed it over. I dropped it, of course—clumsy as always. It fell to my feet, and I banged my head on the dashboard as I bent to pick it up.
‘Dickhead.’
I lit Tobe’s bush tobacco in a dignified silence and then passed it over. The smoke shrouded his face. I was about to ask how he could see when he braked with a squeal, once again throwing me back in my seat.
‘Last stop, the pub.’
Ruby laughed, clear and bright. I unbuckled, jumped out, hurried along. Red and Blue were asleep on their blanket by the door. I was half-convinced that they hadn’t moved since I had seen them last. Red woke with a start, met my eye, barked half-heartedly, curled up against his sister, went back to sleep.
I looked around. The pub was dark, quiet. Something was wrong…
‘Bill, mate, hold your horses,’ Tobe shouted, hurrying ahead.
Ruby joined him, helping block the way.
‘What?’
‘Look, don’t get too excited.’
I tensed. They held their ground.
‘It’s just, ah… Fuck it—I wasn’t very convincing last night.’
‘You what?’
Ruby reached up, tugged on Tobe’s arm and smiled an inscrutable smile.
‘Right you are,’ he said. To her, not to me.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
‘Why don’t you take a look?’
He waved me on. I flung open the door—the only other person in the pub was Louise, standing behind the bar, forlorn and worn out. Tobe had no doubt spent a while expressing his displeasure.
‘Lou, wonderful to see you again,’ I finally managed to say, pulling myself together.
‘You too, Bill.’ Her voice was sad. She avoided my eye.
I sat at the bar. She still didn’t look at me.
‘Where is everyone?’ I asked, unable to help myself.
Louise looked me in the eye, answering my question with a shrug.
‘This is it,’ Tobe said, sidling up next to me. ‘Two shots and some water, thanks Lou. And fix the room up while you’re at it.’
He started laughing, then stopped so sharply that the silence left behind seemed to suck the air away.
‘Bastards,’ he said.
‘Yeah, bastards,’ Ruby mimicked.
‘Good for you,’ Louise said to her, sitting our drinks down and pouring one for herself.
I took my shot and held it up. The others took theirs and did the same.
‘Here’s to us.’
We drank in a shared melancholia. Tobe finished first, slamming his glass upside-down on the bar. Louise and Ruby quickly followed suit. I lingered over mine, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting to say the last goodbye.
‘Well, no use sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves,’ Tobe said when my glass had joined the rest.
He jumped out of his seat and hurried outside. Ruby was by his side so quick they seemed attached at the hip. When they were gone, Louise took the seat next to mine.
‘What happened?’ I asked her.
She gave me a look that made me feel two feet tall. ‘No one else showed. How much clearer does it have to be?’
I looked around the empty room. ‘No one?’
‘No one.’
‘I thought at least a couple of people would show. As much as we all love this place, it isn’t worth dying for.’
‘Most of them don’t plan on staying and fighting.’
‘So what are they going to do then? I know we’re all pretty tough, but tough enough to be on the road alone? I might sound biased, but out there, Tobe’s the man.’
‘You still believe that, after everything he’s put you through? Jesus, Bill… Last night, when that prick brought you in, we weren’t sure that you were going to make it. What happens next time you get hurt? What happens when he’s not there to save your arse?’